The Sober Experience

Last Call For Sober Experience

• Jay Luis

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Some goodbyes are really beginnings in disguise. Today I share why I’m turning off the mic, how I knew the calling had faded, and what it looks like to end something you love without bitterness or regret. This isn’t a dramatic cliffhanger or a quiet ghosting. It’s a clear boundary, a tribute to the work we did together, and a reminder that the best endings protect what made the thing special in the first place.

I walk through the moment a therapist taught me to respect timelines—how I once dragged out sessions long after the growth had stopped, and how that avoidance became more disrespectful than a clean goodbye. That lesson maps to creative work, recovery, and relationships: forcing momentum when meaning is gone only corrodes the bond. We talk about service and sobriety, the value of showing up where it counts, and why impact doesn’t require a weekly upload. Crossing 10,000 downloads was beautiful, but the real currency was your messages, the shared language of recovery, and the quiet ways we helped each other endure.

Life shifted, too. With our kids grown and more time with my wife, I felt the friction between responsibility and joy. A note on my desktop said it plainly: sometimes we resist excellence because we don’t want the weight of it. When a creative practice turns into a duty, the work suffers and the heart goes numb. So I’m choosing presence over pressure and leaving this show while my love for it is still intact. If you’ve been carrying a project, habit, or identity past its natural end, let this be a gentle nudge toward an honest finish.

Thank you for listening, sharing, and walking this road with me. If the mic comes back on one day, it’ll be because the calling returns. Until then, stay connected, stay honest, and keep following the pull that brings you alive. If this resonated, subscribe, share it with a friend, and leave a review—then tell me: what are you ready to end with grace?

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https://www.youtube.com/@TheSoberExperience


See you on the flipside !!

SPEAKER_01:

Hey, what's up everybody? Welcome back, Sober Experience. Hope you guys are doing well. Um, we're gonna get this show started. All right, let's get the music going and see what we got going on today. Spencer Davis groups. Brother, that is a great uh record. That's a great record. Anyway, I know it's been a a while that um a while since uh, you know, we've all been together. There's a lot of stuff going on. And um, which is good. You know, which is good. And uh actually today um we are gonna be having a big celebration. Because today uh we will be saying uh farewell uh to each other. That's it, man. This is gonna be my last episode that I'm doing. Um, you know, I got to this point. You know, I'm you know, I think this was also, this has been an issue. I think it's an issue for everybody, and I'm happy that I'll be able to share these moments with you. And you guys have been fantastic this whole way through, um, if I'm being honest with you. You know, we always got a lot of good feedback. And um, you know, we've impacted some people. We left uh the little mark that we wanted to leave. Um, you know, but I don't really think I was saying thinking to myself the other day, I was like, dude, I don't have much more to say that I haven't said already. You know, and I'm very, you know, I'm not like you know, initially when I started the show, it was uh it was like a calling, if you want to call it that. Um, you know, something that just basically um things that I learned along the way and things that um yeah, things that I learned along the way and things uh that I have to uh you know I have to share with you guys, which is that um, you know, you have to follow that that voice, you know, the thing that's pulling you, you have to follow that. And I followed it and I had such a wonderful experience. And then maybe in the last couple of months, it's like um it left me a little bit at a time. And I've gone through this kind of stuff before in my life. I remember um, you know, that it's hard saying goodbye, but you can't have a new hello without the goodbye. You just can't, you know, it doesn't uh it doesn't exist that way. So for me, you know, I remember there was another time uh I had uh had gone when I first met my wife, man, oh my god, this that lady you guys already know she got the drop on me. When I first met her, I was like, oh my god, this person can literally become my higher power. You know, I could lose control, which, and and it was a very scary, unhealthy way because I had no kind of regulation when it came to that stuff. You know, it was I want to say early recovery, but I was in recovery, but it was early like relationship recovery. I mean, I'd been sober maybe like 10 years or something. But I, you know, I spent that time, you know, doing other stuff when it came to relationships, never really putting in work or whatever. I wasn't ready, who knows? Whatever it was, right? I did a lot of other work, you know, I changed, turned my whole life around. Uh, you know, I raised my son, you know, with some help here and there uh from other folks. Yeah, anyway, so point is is that you know, when I met my wife, I was like, dude, I'm in fucking deep shit. This fucking girl right here, brother, man, I'm in trouble. I'm in trouble because I I know what it's like to be under the spell of something, and most of the time that I've been like that, a lot of it has been very unhealthy, you know, and it's been detrimental. Now, sometimes I'm willing to pay the price, and most of the time I am, you know, but uh sometimes I just, you know, so what did I do? I'm saying that to say, okay, I ran right into, I called uh my boy the wolf, aka Greco, and um I was like, bro, I'm in deep shit here. He's like, I got the right person for you. Sends me name of a therapist. I go into that therapist's office, and she she taught me a lot, you know. I started going right away, and I was going every week, every week, every week. She's like, bro, you don't have to meet somebody and then marry them in in in that order, you know? It takes time to get to know people. It takes how about you just start dating them? And I was like, are you crazy? Because you know, you meet somebody like, oh my god, we're finishing each other's sentences, like all that kind of stuff. You know, and that stuff is great, but like, um, you know, it's not a lot of magic with that. The magic is the stuff that you can't even describe with words. That's why it's fucking magic. And so for me, what happened? I um yeah, so I go into the therapist's office, I start talking with her. She's like, Yeah, maybe you should just try this approach and try this approach and try this approach. And I didn't know because I didn't know how to stop myself from from going all the way in, running through yellow lights, red lights, whatever. They were all green. All of them. And uh, and it was good. It was good, man. The therapist's like, no, how about you just take one thing at a how about you just dating? How about you just friends and this and that? And then you don't have to stop dating everybody, but you you shouldn't be sleeping with everybody, like the whole thing, right? Which is all healthy stuff. And I used it and it was it was really I was I was really getting a lot out of it. But eventually it was it came to an end long before I ended it. Long before I ended it, it came to an end. It was just like I was showing up later and later, it became less and less of a priority. All of these things. And I didn't know how to just say, listen, I don't want to come here anymore. I didn't know how to do that. I mean, it got to the point. This was going on for like maybe a few I'd alcoholics. I let it drag on for a while. When I mean a while, I mean like maybe weeks, six weeks, maybe who knows how long it was. But it was long enough that the and it was so disrespectful, to be honest, because I was showing up later and later, and me saying, like, I don't care, I'm paying for the hour. She's just gonna sit there. And like, it was very inconsiderate and disrespectful to what we were doing. And then one day I came in there, and it was like literally like one two minutes to the end of the hour. So I basically showed up like to drop off money, and she was like, Jared, what is going on? And I was just like, I didn't know how to I just didn't know how to say it or how to be honest, or what I was scared. And um, and she's like, Do you want to just not come here anymore? You know, you can just say that instead of doing this, this, this, and this, which is what I was doing. And I was like, Yeah, I don't want to come here anymore. She's like, okay. I paid her and then I left. You know? And I didn't even to this day, I mean who knows, this lady, I don't even know if she's around anymore. She was old then. But I didn't like to leave it the way that I left it. You know, in a disrespectful manner. And that's what I feel like I've been doing the l these last couple of months. You know, where I'm like, okay, I'm gonna keep going, I'm gonna keep going. You know, we were doing the step work whatever we were doing. Like it doesn't, you know, more I was disrespecting what we've already done. And then I realized, like, the other day, I'm like, I th like when a song is done, the song is done. And it doesn't mean that the song is is uh, you know, who wants the party to be over? You know? Like I was really good at leaving things uh when I'm on top, you know. And I have plenty of stories for that kind of stuff too. Or just leaving them disrespectfully in uh in the way that I just described. I can find plenty of other situations that are like that, you know? Like sometimes, like, you know, there's a like there's like a gym membership that I have that I should probably cancel because I almost never go. But when I do need to go, it's there. So I'm happy about that. And um the money doesn't even matter, to be honest, because it's not that you know whatever, you know what I'm saying? But it's just a behavior that I have to uh have to, you know, address. And one of the things that I'm also addressing is the fact that I need to really I was thinking about it today when I was in a meeting, because I went and it was like this guy's anniversary. And I was in a and it was great because I was in a meeting where I don't normally go. And it was nice to like, you know, nice to be like a little bit anonymous. I sat at a table with two other gentlemen, we had some laughs, there was a cake, and this and that. I said, no, no, thanks for the cake and uh all this other stuff. And then the guy asked me at the end, who I was sitting with, he was like, Oh, do you want to go speak out of detox? I was like, Yeah, sure. No problem. I said, when? You know, and then he asked me, he's like, Oh, how much time do you have? I said, twenty-two years. He's like, Whoa. I was like, Yeah. Yeah and um we exchanged numbers and whatever. And there was a few people that kind of knew a little bit, um because I'd gone there maybe once or twice doing like a speaking commitment. And um maybe I left an impression. Who knows? We all leave impressions. And that's a that's a good thing. And if you leave a good one, it's a good one. You know? I always say I don't remember everybody you don't remember everybody's name, but you remember how they made you feel. So there's that. So I'm saying that to say that like I don't want to keep disrespecting um this stuff. You know, I don't really have anything else that I need that I that I feel uh that I have the need to say. I don't want to chase down people uh to do more interviews. You know, I can just get to know people the way that I used to get to know them. And this show has really reached uh a lot of people. Um I remember I don't know when it was, but there was a time when for a little guy like me, you know, we crossed over uh, you know, the 10,000 uh download mark. And I was like, wow, that's so nice. You know, who would have thunk? But just like anything else, you know, you have to be responsible. And um and I started to become irresponsible. And I think I just don't like the way it makes me feel. I put something on a computer the other day, let me see if I can find it. Because it's so impactful. It says there, oh, here it is. There are things in my life that I suck at, and not because I'm bad at them, but because I really don't want the responsibility of being good at them. And that's what we have going on here. It's become more and more of a responsibility instead of a calling, instead of a pleasure. And, you know, the circumstances have really changed in my life. I mean, my wife and I, the kids are out of the house, and we have all this other time that we can spend together that I didn't have before. You know, so I had more time to do stuff like this and other stuff. Um you know what I'm saying? And now it's it's just a I'm being pulled in a different way and in a in a happy in a happy way. Yeah, I want to be more I want to be happy. I want to I don't want to be like, oh my god, man, I gotta go fucking sit down and record a show. I gotta go record another show. Okay, I gotta go record another show. You know, it became like it's it's become, you know, instead of I get to do this, like I have to do this. And that's like a red flag for me. You know, it's a red flag for me. And then a little bit I then I I tested the waters the last like month or two. Okay, like how, you know, how committed am I am really? You know? How really committed am I? You know, the people that need to find me know how to find me. And I can have these kind of conversations uh with anybody at any time. And um, and that's that. So yeah. Man, it was a great ride. I came we started this thing, you know, years ago, and um, you know, it's coming uh it's coming to an end today. And uh and I appreciate each and every one of you who have been listening, and I love each and every one of you who have been listening, and this thing is gonna live on forever in the ethos, you know, and who knows? Maybe one day I'll turn the microphone back on, but only when I'm called to do so, not um not when I want to do it, you know. And then maybe this story will help some of you uh finally pour some water on some things in your life that you uh have been avoiding. And this is one of the things I've been avoiding. This is one of them, so there's that. Anyway, I love you guys so much. Thank you for everything. This has been really fulfilling for me. You know, I really had a had a great time with all the guests. I mean, we lost a few guys in the last couple of weeks. Um my old sponsor, Free Willy, R.I.P. to him. You know, he taught me so much. So, so much. And I think that's when it really clicked for me, like, dude, what am I doing? You know, and the uh the infamous Joe Kay, who we we reposted his uh his episode. You know? So real life is gonna happen in real time. And uh this is that. So, alright, guys. I love you all. Have a great day, and we'll see you uh we'll see you on campus. Peace.