The Sober Experience

From Mobb Deep to Mercy: Readiness, Recovery, and Real Life

• Jay Luis

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Ever notice how the habits that once kept you safe start wrecking your peace when life gets quieter and better? That’s where we go—deep into Step Six and the gritty, daily work of becoming ready to let go. Not just talking about “defects,” but translating them into real moments: the urge to win an argument, the need to be seen as the hero, the subtle digs that make us look big while someone else shrinks. We unpack why humility is just clear seeing, why honesty is a relief not a punishment, and how readiness shows up in choices no one can applaud—like giving a full day of work or letting a loved one apologize without a lecture.

Along the way, I celebrate 22 years without a drink or a puff, and I’m blunt about the fears that still circle: health questions, genetics, aging parents, and that old anxiety that life might stop loving me back. We talk holiday “triple witching” with a game plan—meetings first, health rituals, winter swims, and boundaries that don’t punish. There’s a long look at family dynamics: what I learned from my sister, why some bells can’t be unrung, and how I practice silence when words would only wound. I share what’s working now: honest routines, hot yoga, storm prep, and the surprising freedom of dropping pointless embellishments and telling the plain truth.

This one blends recovery tools with real life: AA and NA principles, Step Six readiness, integrity at work, showing up for parents, and finding creativity in how we rebuild a day. If you’ve ever feared that growth would turn you into a “square,” consider how much aliveness there is in steady love, clean conscience, and earned trust. Hit play, share it with someone who needs a lift, and if it resonates, subscribe and leave a review—then tell me: what old defense are you finally ready to release?

SPEAKER_00:

What's up, everybody? Welcome back, Sober Experience. I hope you guys are doing well. Don't forget to like and subscribe on our podcast platforms, YouTube page. You know how to find us share all the episodes. We're gaining some traction. Let's do a little celebrating. Enough for that. Welcome back. Man. Yeah, dude, Mob Deep dropped an album this week. Um, first one in 11 years. I think I was watching Havoc do all those interviews, and like, bro, that was like, you know, that was like everything. Yeah, man. That was everything. That was a time, that was a moment. Um, yeah, I found that like little uh house mix, and it reminded me of like just that time, man. Some of it was like street stuff, whatever, M O B B. Some of it was like house music in a club somewhere. You know, it was crazy. It was a lot of fun anyway. So I hope you guys are doing well. I had a pretty um pretty calm week. I've been uh trying to be responsible. I've been uh I gotta make some doctor's appointments. Bro, my liver enzymes are fucking through the roof. Yeah, I don't know what's up with that, you know, and I'm trying to get to the bottom of it. And uh whatever. My wife is like, she also wants me to um, she wants me to go to the neurologist. She thinks I'm losing my marbles. I and deep down inside of me, I think so uh too. But it's whatever, man. What are you gonna do? The Lord has a plan. You know, my job is to show up every day, do the best I can, be the best I can, do the best I can to be the best I can. You know what I'm saying? And that's uh that's keeping it real. Yeah. Anyway, so last week we finished the fourth step, and I looked at uh the next chapter, which was the fifth step, but basically, um, whatever, call your sponsor. We're gonna skip it because I um I did it with all of you. I went through that whole chapter with all you guys, answering all the questions. It took months going over all the stuff. I have other sponsees that are going through that stuff now. And it was like uh it was like a big deal, you know. It was like a big deal. So there's that. Anyway, so um, you know, Halloween is approaching, holidays are approaching. It's always interesting. Who's gonna be uh, you know, a schnitzel short at the uh turkey table? Who knows? Um, you know, I stay out of the holiday fray as best I can. If it was up to me, I would just hide with my wife. That's it. I would just hide in a corner with her and just hang out. And um we started watching that alien show that's on um Hulu, Alien Earth, which is dope because, like, you know, as you guys know, I'm down with all of the alien series, you know, because I'm an Anunnaki believer. And um, yeah, people are like, yo, are you believer? I know that they mean Jesus. I mean, no, I mean Enki. That's who I mean. You know, Enlil, Enki, Marduk, you know, and I'm listening, I've been listening to this book, it's so interesting. I'm gonna put it on here. Uh standby. It's really good, man. Because I'm into stupid shit and whatever. It's called the Giza Power Plant. Um, I gotta zoom in because I got bad vision. Um, and I'm already on chapter 10, but it is so dope. It is so dope. Um, yeah, the Giza Power Plant. And it just basically goes down this rabbit hole of theories that um, yeah, rabbit hole of theories that people think that, you know, some people when you were in school, they're like, Oh, yeah, all these slaves dragged all these bricks and all these stones. I'm like, dude, and as you get older, people do some math and they're like, uh, that's impossible. You know, and then they're always trying to figure out how to how everything happened. And it's a really interesting book, and it makes a good case. It doesn't help, I mean, not help, or it doesn't hurt, that I am completely uh gullible. So there's that, you know what I'm saying? There's that. So, yeah, so I'm having a good time listening to that, washing some rugs today. I did about half of the rugs that I needed to. No, all the rugs, most of the rugs that I needed to do, um, because the helpers can't um, yeah, they they don't know all the tricks, Bo. And I just uh I sent two guys upstate um for a couple of days uh to Rochester for a class. You know, I did the right thing. I did the right thing. I put them in a nice hotel, swimming pool, sauna, all the shit that I would want. Made sure they had extra uh escarol in case they wanted to go get some steaks or whatever with some of those guys, you know, and I have a lot of people who love me on this earth. You know, so they were checking in on them, making sure they were good. You know what I'm saying? So I didn't have to be skeptical, like, oh, are they skipping out on class and all this other stuff? Like, I'm just not even in that mindset. Maybe I should be a little bit. My wife is always she has a healthy uh, what do you call it? Like a healthy dose of skepticism, which is beautiful. I mean, you would think she was the Jew, but she's not. Um, but yeah, you would think that. But me, I'm just like, ah, everybody's my friend, and everybody's whatever. Anyway, and Tonsey, um, yeah, so that's where we're at right now. Um, I have an anniversary coming up at the end of the month, October 29th. 22 trips around the sun, not one drop, not one puff, not one anything. Unadulterated life, 22 years. It's a lot. I ain't fucking around. That is a lot, and I'm proud of myself. I cannot do it all myself, but I have to do a lot of the doing. You know what I'm saying? A lot of the being comes from the doing, and I had to do a lot of the doing. Like this life is not gonna unfold while I'm sitting on the couch. You know what I'm saying? It's not. I have to uh yeah, yeah, I gotta handle my business, bro. That's it. I gotta make, I gotta take action, I gotta do shit, and I gotta stop blaming others. Anyway, so we're gonna move on. We're gonna go to step six, which I already know what it says. Uh the title, because I've been through these so many, not so many times. I go to a lot of step meetings. That's where I learn a lot. Anyway, we're entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character. Sorry, I had to burp. I actually just had a shitload of uh watermelon instead of like an energy drink. I don't know which is worse, you know. But um, yeah, what are what are defects of character? I was talking about this with uh one of my guys this morning. Um and we were saying, I just don't like that term, it's so negative. It's so negative, man. You know, in the AA big book, they talk about uh you do an inventory for unusable and unsellable goods. You know what I mean? And yeah, that's it, you know. So things that are not working for me, you know. When I when we were doing that inventory, and we were seeing what some of my responses to life are, those responses that are no longer serving me, those are my character defects. It doesn't mean that I'm hurting other people all the time. Sometimes um it just means that I'm not being uh I'm not being sensitive enough to myself. I'm not giving myself a break. Or I am actually not giving myself enough credit, or I'm not respecting myself enough to like stand up for myself. I think we were talking about that before, where I had to learn how to create space and not set boundaries, like that kind of whole logic that we were speaking of. Yeah, because before I would just I would have to lash out. I was being driven by all this neediness that they're gonna forget me. When is it gonna be my turn? It was like I when I feel that, and I feel it coming, you know, when it comes. And it and I know that oh, the next words that are gonna come out of my mouth are not gonna be helpful when they're attached to that. And that's just me being real. You know? That's just me being real. So I have to be mindful of that because I can't make pretend that I don't know what it is. You know? Am I being helpful to myself and to everybody else? Okay, let's start the reading. We're on page 55 of the step working guide in the NA step book. We begin working step six with the full hope that uh we have developed in the first five steps. If we have been thorough, we have also developed some humility. Yes. In step six, humility means that we're able to see ourselves more clearly. That's all that humility is, huh? We've seen the exact nature of our wrongs. We've seen how we've harmed ourselves and others by acting on our defects of character, like I said, shortcomings, whatever you want to call them. Um, yeah, a poorly response to life, poorly responses to life. Yeah, whatever. I'm sure there's an English teacher listening. You can sort it out. We've seen the patterns of our behavior, and we've come to understand how we are likely to act on the same defects over and over. Now we have become entirely ready to have our defects of character removed. Becoming entirely ready won't happen in an instant. It's a long process, often taking place over the course of our whole lifetime. That's so important. You can't put 10 pounds of shit into a five-pound bag. Nobody's gonna get better overnight. A little bit at a time, I work on this stuff, like a little bit in the little areas. You know, what uh we always say the same thing. The problems in my life revolve around control. And I relinquish control as long as I have some control, which doesn't even make sense. But like fear and worry, I don't really have that much of that. Maybe because I've been responsible long enough uh to have like safety net and money in the bank and this and that and whatever. I wasn't, you know, born with my own money in the bank. You know, but now I have my own shit and my own stuff enough to be comfortable where like, yeah, some topsy turvy things can happen. Even a missile can hit, and I would be okay, you know, but it's by by being responsible. So I don't really have those kind of fears anymore. But really, it's um, you know, yeah, am I am I gonna is somebody poisoning the well? Is all of this gonna end one day? The good times. Yes, it will. Everything passes. So I'm just not scared of I'm not scared anymore. I need to enjoy today. I need to enjoy today with you, with other people. You know, polar bear season's coming. It is probably my one of my favorite times. Everybody knows I'm a winter maniac and I love that stuff. So there's that, you know, be swimming every Sunday in that cold ass water. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. Okay. So that's what I mean. That over time it's gonna get better. You're gonna get better, I'm gonna get better. And that also means that other people in my life, hopefully, they will also get better. There are some people in my life who are stuck in the same loop, and I find it hard to to uh be around them. It's like you'll be stuck in the same loop, you know. Whatever. There's not there's a um there's a rupture in the alignment. And you know, it's tough because holiday season comes. It doesn't mean that, oh, I'm not gonna be around them. No, it just means that, you know, I can I can show up as my best self. I don't need to punish people by not showing up, like, or thinking that I'm punishing them. I'm really just spoiling the moment. Like if I can't behave for a couple hours in somebody's house, I don't know what to tell you about who I think I am. You know what I'm saying? Regardless of what they may have done or what I may have done. Yeah, so there's that. Immediately following an inventory, we may feel very ready indeed to have our defects removed. If we've been around for a while, like me, and are generally pretty aware of what these defects are, and we still act on one of them, we'll naturally find that our willingness level arises. Awareness alone will never be enough to ensure our readiness, but it's the necessary first step to the path of readiness. Yeah, knowing is knowing is half the battle, right, G.I. Joe. The inventory process itself has raised our awareness about our character defects. Working the sixth step will do even even will do so even more. To be entirely ready is to reach a spiritual state where we are not just aware of our defects, uh, not just tired of them, not just confident that God of our understanding will remove them, will also uh not what is it, not just confident that the God of our understanding will remove what should go, but all of these things. In order to become entirely ready, we'll need to address the fears about the sixth step.

SPEAKER_01:

Hmm.

SPEAKER_00:

I I remember this. Like if I don't, if I don't behave, if I don't steal, like imagine doing like imagine doing an honest day's work. Not like I show up and I work and I leave. Like I show up and I work every minute that I'm supposed to work, and I don't screw off, and I don't come in late, and I don't take long lunch, and I don't do personal stuff on company time. That sounds like torture to me. There's only a few times where like I worked for somebody else, and I hated it. But I also did not do any of those things. You know, just putting an honest day's work in. Jesus. That's like integrity building, you know? Without looking for the credit. You know, so basically, whenever I got a paycheck from somebody else, I was overpaid, sir. I was overpaid. I mean. Okay, we're gonna keep going. Okay, the sixth step says that only a higher power can remove them. But what does that mean in practical terms? What is our responsibility of the sixth step? These questions, when reviewed with a sponsor, will give us uh direction in working the step. Yeah, so for me, practical application was whenever I wanted to deviate from the right thing, right? Doing the right thing. It was natural for me to do the wrong thing. I'm just using the stealing time at work as an example, but you can put that in your life anywhere you want. Where are you not doing your best? Even your best to just be understanding of somebody else that maybe you're not on the same page about stuff. You know? I always talk about my character defect now. This is one of the ones I'm working on now, is you know, the humility. How easy the worst, the the most trouble I am in in my life ever is when I'm actually right about something. You know, and I'm and I can't I can't wait to be right, and then I finally am. And then somebody's gonna have to come groveling now. I better say sorry. And like, how much grace do I give that person if I love them? I can't pretend to love them and then not give them grace that I would want, or maybe that they have given me. How many times people have been there for me in my life? I forget that in the moments when maybe they need a little bit, maybe they need a break. And I sit here with my judgment. Meanwhile, if I took a look at the whole picture, yeah, everybody does good stuff, everybody does bad stuff. I had uh one of the guys that used to work for me who I love so so much, this kid. Oh my god. I love him like he's my own kid. Well he's not my kid, but I love him like he's my own kid. He's my very, very dear friend's kid. Anyway, he asked me, he sent me a message, he asked me about forgiveness, he says, you know, randomly. Asked me if I watched the fights, of course, UFC. Man, Jama. And um Yeah, he asked me about forgiveness. And I was like, what's the truth? The truth is not everybody is along for the ride. That's the truth. But if you're thinking about forgiving somebody, it means you kind of want them around. That was the best only piece of advice I could give him. That if you're not willing to let them go, you're gonna have to forgive them. Otherwise, you suffer you bully them with being right. Finally, you're right about something. You know. Maybe they're not loving you in the way that you want them to, but they're doing it to the best of their ability. Yeah, it's crazy. So that's the defect that I'm working on now. Is like I always say, and this is the the most important thing for me at the moment, which is how easy is it for somebody to apologize to me? I'm over here demanding stuff from people. How easy do I make it for them? That lets me know how much I love them. Or maybe even if I don't love them, I can still make it easy. Because I'm not perfect either, you know? It's a tough uh spot to be in. Especially I have aging parents. Bro, the wheels are falling off my pop. This guy's uh he's a wild man. My mom is uh she's getting a little worried. She's not sounding any alarms, but I have to start paying attention a little bit. You know what I'm saying? I have to start paying attention and I have to keep an eye on my responses. Even when she's talking with me. And then she apologizes, like, I I'm so sorry. I I don't want to mimic her accent anymore. But it's funny to me. She's like, Oh, I'm so sorry. I'm crying on your shoulders now. I don't mean to burden you with this. And I said, Are you crazy? I'll pull over. You tell me whatever worries you have. You know, you have an addict son who is trying his best and succeeding. I gotta give myself credit, we're not doing too shabby, about being happy, creating a home, uh running uh, you know, creating a partnership with uh my wife, doing our best with our kids, and being happy. Like being sincerely sincere. I'm sincerely happy, you know. I'm at I'm at peace most of the time. So I got time. You know? So it's just me. Uh this guy who is losing his bird, aka my dad. And uh, you know, my sister is no longer with us. So as far as like immediate family, that's all my mom in her mind. I'm like, yeah, but what about my son and my other kids or whatever? She's like, yeah, that's not the same. Like you're my son. So it's just my son and my husband. I was like, okay, okay. You know? She tells me, you're all I have left. You know? So I gotta make I gotta make more time and uh give her the space that if she wants to, you know, let off some stuff. My mom is from an era where she doesn't talk to anybody about anything, she speaks in riddles. So it's hard to she speaks in riddles, and it's very strange, and you have to really decipher what she's trying to say. Which is what I think is uh she needs help. That's what I think it is. But we'll see. We'll see. Anyway, let's uh move on before I keep on babbling. We don't we don't got the whatever. Okay. If we're new to NA, this and this is our first experience in the sixth step. Uh many of our character defects will be so blatant that our immediate reaction will likely be one of overwhelming, overwhelming willingness to get rid of them. Uh, we're seeing them for the first time in all of their glory, so to speak, and we want them gone today.

unknown:

Woohoo!

SPEAKER_00:

Uh once we've gotten past our initial reaction, we'll find it we probably have at least some measure of fear or uncertainty about changing. The unknown is terrifying for almost everyone. We've had these defects, we're about to let go of for a long time, probably most of our lives. All right, so it was stealing. What else? Like that I had to, you know, over time, what did I have to let go of? Again, like self-righteousness, sneak dissing. I was the king of that. Gossip. Oh. Even like when I was dating with women, like, you know. Yeah, to really let go and just be with one person. I practiced that before in my wife. Thank fucking God. You know, yeah. And even then, it was still like a little shaky in the beginning. Anyway, we probably have some fears about what our lives will be like without these defects. Some of them may seem more like vital survival skills than defects of character, of course. These are things that help me stay safe, you know. Having an aggressive attitude towards people, you know, so they, you know, they wouldn't know that I didn't know everything. Not being able to shut up. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, it's bad. You know? Yeah, but yeah, what did I say? Whew. Uh yeah. So a vital survival skills. Yeah. This is how I made it through. This is how I got to where I'm at. Yeah, like, you know, it's bullshit. We wonder if the removal of any of our defects will inhibit our ability to earn a living. Um, yeah, I went through that. We may find that the idea of being a respectable citizen is repulsive to us. Yes. Bro, I wanted to be Axl Rose my whole life. Just a fucking wild man. With money and women and fame and whatever. I just, that was it. I didn't, I wasn't like a little, you know, little peanut in a shell. Uh-uh. No. Uh many of us are strongly attached to an image. We're cool, we're trendy, we're outside the bounds of polite society, and we like it that way. Woof. We may be afraid that by working the sixth step. What does it say? Sorry. I gotta work on my uh book skills. We'll be changed, what does that say? By working the oh, we'll be changed into dull conformists. This is true. I was like, oh my god, I'm gonna be a fucking square, bro. Uh so uh some of us may think that we're nothing but defects and wonder what will be left of us if our defects are removed. Yeah. Our fears are probably vague and Unformed. If we pursue them to their logical conclusion, we're sure to find that they are unfounded. In other words, if we say them out loud, we can see them for what they are. Are there parts of me? Here's a question. Are there parts of me I like, but which might be defects? Am I afraid I'll turn into someone I don't like if those parts of my character were removed? Yeah. Yeah, it's a defect, you know, it's a, you know, to uh what do I always talk about? That I don't listen enough, that I don't stay quiet enough. That I I need to say something. I have like this burning desperation to be involved in everything. When I can just show up, I don't have to be involved. I don't need to save everybody, I don't need to be everybody, I don't need to crack jokes all the time. It's part of my character and part of who I am, and I enjoy that. But I know there's a difference between being part of something and me trying to take over everything. Yeah. Hmm. And I says, uh, what do I think will be removed? Well, if I'm not that guy, people will see what's underneath there, maybe. That I'm full of uh fear. And uh, you know, I'm not that bright. You know, and I don't think anybody will see that. And I I don't talk down on myself saying that I'm not that bright. I look I look at that in a way that I'm always willing to learn stuff, but I I have to draw the the connection of learning stuff to learn it, not learning stuff just so I can spit it out at somebody so they see how smart I am. That's the difference. You know, if we've had all right, continuing on. If we've had some previous experience with the sixth step, our character defects are nothing new. Uh-huh. I'm over here fucking spitting them out. In fact, we may be feeling dismayed right now that we still have a certain defect. Or we may be upset because we're looking at the same old defect in the new manifestation. What? Lying is lying, cheating is cheating. When I was talking to uh one of my guys this morning about these defects of character, it's like, yeah, dude, I'm not in the business of ripping off uh people on any level. You know, I can't. It's against the principle that I live by. But let me tell you, I pay my accountant every dollar that I could pay him, so I don't pay a lot of taxes. So there's that. You know, there's that. So I'm okay with that, but I'm not okay with stealing from customers or whatever. Okay, here we go. Here's a for instance. For instance, we're still insecure. We may no longer run around indulging in a series of transparent attempts to convince others that we are big shots, uh-huh. But we still have the defect. The way we've been acting on it lately is far more subtle and far more insidious. We may have been unconsciously sabotaging the efforts of others so that we can look better by comparison. Hmm. Think about it this way. If you're siblings, right? And I used to go through this with my sister, and maybe other people would do it too. Like the thing I talk about with the talking about with forgiveness, and just like, yo, man, like, come on. You know? Like giving people a break. I would do that to my own sister so that way I look good in front of my mom and my dad because she was just so much better than me. She was so much smarter than me. She was oh my god, my sister was fucking everything, bro. She was everything except happy. And that's the truth. She was everything, man. She was pretty, you know, she was brilliant. When she wanted to work, she was an insanely hard worker, sometimes to a fault. She had a couple of bad physical accidents on her way to growing up, so she ended up becoming like a little bit overweight, but she was getting rid of that stuff, and yeah. I mean, when it was time, it was time. But that's what I'm saying. So if you're out there being a sibling, think about it this way. Like, if I was with my parents, and there's one thing to have concern and love for my sister when she was around. It's another thing to talk down on her. You know what I'm saying? It's another thing to what they say, call her out her name. It's one thing to be like, yo, listen, I don't know what's going on, but it's something's going on. And I love her and blah blah blah. We gotta try and work something out. Whatever. It's another thing for me to just sit around and just kikiing, you know. You do that to people you love. It's okay if that's who you want to be, but just know that that's what you're doing. And then eventually you'll get your turn on the wheel. Or maybe you've already had your turn on the wheel, and now you're on the good side of the wheel, and somebody else is on the other side of the wheel. You know, that sucks. Because uh, you know, when I was talking about this kind of stuff like sorry about that, I hit a button. That was that was the Lord stepping in when I was talking about this kind of stuff with my wife. I was saying, like, you know, I have to be mindful because even though you know people are very forgiving, family is very forgiving, but there's some things you cannot unsay. There's just there's just that. There's some things that you can't, you I always say you can't unring a bell. You rang that bell, and you're gonna have to live with whatever that is. You know? And it's I don't want to be the one ringing the bell all the time. Yeah, that's that. I don't know. I don't want to get too much into a tangent. Uh where are we? Okay, because we're almost done with this little section. Uh, we've been acting on a more insidious. Oh, what did I say? Unconsciously sabotaging the efforts of others so that I can look better by comparison or trampling on someone else's desires because they don't directly serve our own needs. That's wild. Instead of being a voice of reason, I gotta be, I gotta echo somebody else's bad sentiment about somebody else. Yeah, I can just be quiet. Even if I don't have to be helpful, being quiet, I don't have to be hurtful. That's the whole thing. You know? Because if I'm behaving like that, most of the time, that's because I believe that other people do, and I don't even know if it's true. It's a hundred percent speculation. Yeah. We especially uh what's especially painful about realizations such as this in later recovery is that we've tended to think of ourselves in a better light. Hmm. We're deeply ashamed of harming others. We may feel a dull fear that we're incapable of change, that one character defect or another is here to stay. We can draw some measure of comfort from the fact that we're now aware of what we've been doing and are willing to work on it. I do that. I gotta pray when I'm supposed to shut up. I have to pray. Oh Lord, I'd be praying. And then I'd be patting myself on the back, like, look at you being like a good little schoolboy, just shutting the fuck up and not saying anything, not doing anything. Oh my God. That's where the Lord is for me. You know, some people they need to speak up. I don't have that problem. I talk things that I don't know all the time, and I need to stop that. I've been really good at it though lately. We need to maintain a sense of hope and trust that the process of recovery works even on the most firmly entrenched defects. Do I still believe in the process of recovery? Of course. Do I believe I can change? Absolutely. I think everybody can change. Now, if they want to, it's up to you. But I know I can change my behaviors, and I need God to do that. How have I changed so far? We do not have enough time. But if you guys have been with me from the beginning of this show, you can I've changed even since then. Uh blah, blah, blah. Okay. Um, what defects do I no longer have to act on? Hmm. I've been doing really good with lying. Like not lying. For no reason. Telling a story, just a fictitious story that somebody cannot disprove, just so I can fit in. I mean, it was very extreme before. When I was younger, bro, I used to lie, like, do like a little kitty with. I'm sure I've talked about this before in the show, but like a little grade school lie that kids tell that you cannot prove or disprove, but sounds freaking ridiculous. And then since you have no way of disproving them, if you tell them you don't believe them, you're calling them a liar, even though they're fucking lying. That was me. I would just tell a story and I would defend that lie. Like I almost believed my own lies. It's so crazy. That's how delusional I was. And that's the truth. Okay. We're gonna stop right there. Uh, because uh we're at the 40-minute mark, which is a good place to stop. Holidays are coming. And that's the truth. Step one, we gotta get through Halloween. You know? Then thanks, they call it some these old school guys used to call it like triple witching. Like Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Year's. Woof. You know, I'm gonna do my best to stay disciplined all the way through with some of the stuff that I've been doing. Uh health stuff. I told you guys I took the methylation exam. Man, C O M T. I got a double variant there. That's aka the addict gene. So I got that. Um, yeah, so I'm gonna stay on top of that, but I'll keep you guys in the loop as I go along. Um, so you guys can hold me accountable. I went back to uh the the yoga, the hot yoga melt class. I did two in the last week. The first one was like late. It was like 8.15. I didn't get, and it was an hour and 15 minute class, so that's 9.30. By 9.45, my wife is like, what the fuck are you doing out there, slinging dick? You know, that's basically what her question sounded like to me. But it was really like, what kind of class is this that it's over so late? But that's what I believe she meant. So uh yeah, but uh so I'm staying on top of that. I've been really consistent with the gym stuff, um, work, staying consistent, staying accountable, you know, putting out the fires when I need to put them out, showing up for my parents as best I can, you know, allowing them to show up for me. Tomorrow's supposed to be like a big storm. So I'll be happy I did all this work today so that way maybe tomorrow I can just hibernate in my crib, maybe watch more of the alien stuff with my wife, you know, go to a meeting in the morning to make sure I stay sober, and uh that's it. So like and subscribe on all podcast platforms. I don't even know why they say like, share. How about that? Share and subscribe on all podcast platforms, every one of them, we're everywhere. And um, and uh on the YouTube page, the sober experience. I don't have a lot of subscribers, and that's okay. If I help one person, I did my friggin' job. And I gotta tell you, lastly, I freaking love doing this show. I love doing this show. I don't care if there's five listeners, there's a lot more than five, but I love doing this show. You know, it gives me so much pleasure, so much joy. I get to be creative. You know, being creative is I think everybody, I borrowed this from who? What was it? Uh was it? Oh, Jordan Peterson, who is very ill at the moment. I hope he gets better. That guy's one of the most impactful people in my whole life. Freaking guy. You know, talk about evolution. Boof, that guy started on one side of the spectrum, and you know, was consistent and consistent meaning he got better. He's amazing. Anyway, but he said that everybody is a creative. Everybody. You don't have to make art to be a creative, you can create your own life, you can create your own happiness. This can be the beginning of the end of something that you don't like, and you stay consistent, and it will be the end, and then you can turn the page and go somewhere new. Or you can be done with that and then starting something new, and this is the beginning of something new, so it's always a beginning. And you can create your own thing, man. And that's what I love the most about this show. I can get up here, I can say whatever the hell I want. And it feels so free, so free. I mean, I'm that's anybody who knows me know there's no difference between this guy and the guy that you sit next to at the diner eating a burger. I'm the same guy, you know, and that's and it took so long to become this free. But it's only through God's honesty, love, compassion. And these are all the things that other people have given me and have taught me that I need to give back to other people. So I'll see you guys on the next side. Um, peace.