The Sober Experience

Continuing on with Step 3

• Jay Luis

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What happens when you turn your will and life over to a higher power, and how can this transformation impact your everyday life? Join me on the latest episode of the Sober Experience as I share personal stories and insights into navigating the recovery process. We kick things off with personal updates, like celebrating a friend's upcoming wedding and recounting a minor work mishap that highlighted the value of supportive colleagues. From there, we explore the significance of genuine relationships, even in professional settings, and how unexpected circumstances can lead to meaningful connections. As we delve deeper into the third step of recovery, I tackle the challenge of overcoming negative beliefs about "God" and discuss the personal journey of defining and embracing one's own higher power.

In the second half of the episode, we focus on nurturing a relationship with a higher power through prayer, meditation, or introspection, while acknowledging the complex emotions that can accompany this journey. Drawing from my own experiences, I reflect on how a connection with a higher power has helped me resist negative impulses and change my behaviors. Embracing these insights has allowed for guidance in both daily life and significant moments. Before wrapping up, I celebrate a concise episode and give a shoutout to our friend Doug, who recently celebrated a year of sobriety. Stay tuned for plans to have Doug join us in future episodes, and remember to like and subscribe to the Sober Experience on all podcast platforms for more uplifting discussions.

Speaker 1:

Welcome back Sober Experience. Let's get this thing started. This is Noir Desir. I just like it because it's happy. Who knows what they're saying? What up, what up. Welcome back Sober Experience. Hope you guys are well. Yeah, share, subscribe on all podcast platforms.

Speaker 1:

And yeah, man, january's already over. Bo, it's already over, you know it's already over. February's around the corner. The little homie, leatt, is getting married tomorrow, so congratulations to her. And which is nice, you know, it's nice when people find their person and they give it a shot. Man, you see how this thing is going to work out. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, so there's that. And yeah, that's where we're at right now. That's where we're at. Obviously, there's like people having meltdowns or whatever, whatever. Anyway, yeah, I'm going to get back into the reading.

Speaker 1:

I don't really have a lot to report. My week has been pretty, uh, pretty good. You know, work is okay, family's okay. You know I've been, uh, yeah, it's just been uh, I've been a little bit on autopilot. You know I had like maybe one, a couple of bad not wouldn't say bad days, but like maybe Monday, you know, I did some stupid shit at work and sorry, I'm burping has had me a salad. What's the name of that salad? Yeah, is that like ADD or ADHD or whatever? Or just me being scatterbrained Santorini salad with steak, but I don't get it with a. Sometimes serve it with these tortilla chips and I'm like yo, hold on to the chips. Let me get some pickled onions. And I got this hydrated water that my brother, amor, gave me, one of those things that you know you push the button, it sends fucking bubbles up and then the magic happens. So there's that. Yeah, so what I was saying anyway?

Speaker 1:

So I think, yeah, like on Monday, you know, I did some stupid shit at work. I felt bad about it and I tried to fix it. It wasn't even for me, it was for somebody else. Somebody sent me to do something and I tried to fix it. It wasn't even for me, it was for somebody else. Somebody sent me to do something and I made a very rookie mistake and that's it. But you know, things happen and I'm a little bit sensitive towards that kind of stuff. You know I was already in a. I wasn't in a foul mood, but I was a little bit disturbed that morning and I should have just been like, hey, listen, I can't do this, but whatever, anyway, lets you know that I'm also a human being, you know, or whatever anyway. So that was that. But then you know, I dust myself off. He wasn't even mad. He's helped me out on plenty of stuff and I've helped him out on plenty of stuff.

Speaker 1:

And you know, it's nice to have uh work colleagues that are not, um, what do you call it? Here's a guy who owns a business in the same business as me, but we're not like in competition, like we help each other, which is beautiful. Man, that's like the way to be. I mean, I can't be like that with everybody, because every some of these other people in my industry are fucking animals and, um, I don't like to uh have to feel like I'm in a position where I have to protect myself at all times, you know. So it's nice to have like other people who are on the same spiritual path as you. I mean, the guy's not sober or anything like that, but he's just a gen. He seems like a genuine, uh good dude and I teach him a lot of things and he teaches me a lot of things. It's a mutual beneficial relationship which, oddly enough, grew out of us being friends with somebody who's uh not doesn't have the same moral compass. So we both knew this one other guy who was like a little bit of a dirtball and a little bit of a what do you call it like a snake oil salesman, that kind of like a shy stuff, and yeah, so sometimes in these moments where you know, light can come out of darkness because, like you know, now me and this other guy are friends and it's been a lovely ride. It's been a lovely ride, so I'm happy about that. Shout out to Reuven.

Speaker 1:

Okay, so here we go Back to the reading. We're still in the third step Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood him. And then you know what did we speak about last week? Last week, we spoke about what self-will was, what making a decision was, all these other things. You know the difference between self-will and God's will. And then we're going to now dive into a little bit about who God is, or what God is or what God is not, and that's it so. Okay, it says the God of our understanding.

Speaker 1:

Before we delve deeply into the process of turning our will and our lives over to the care of God of our understanding, we should work on overcoming any negative beliefs or unproductive preconceptions we may have of the word God, not of God himself or whatever, just the actual word Does the word God, or even the concept itself, make me uncomfortable. What is the source of this discomfort? Wow, man, that's a powerful question At this moment. God, because I have a personal God which I recommend everybody should have one. Now, if your God is the same as others, that's fine, but if you have one just for yourself, that's. That's the way that I kind of roll and that's that. So I'm not.

Speaker 1:

But when I first came, I was like very, I wouldn't say, anti religious, but I just didn't. I didn't actually believe, I just didn't. And but I spent my whole life just walking around looking for hypocrisy everywhere, so that way I can feel validated in my disdain for other people and feed my ego about, you know, who knows everything and who's right all the time. So religion and spirituality and God and all that stuff was not off the table when it comes to that, you know. But so that's initially where my discomfort came from, you know. Ok, next question have I ever believed that God caused horrible things to happen to me or was punishing me? What were those things. I don't think I ever believed in that. To be honest, I'm just being. I never believed in that. I never believed that God was punishing me. I didn't have like any real conception of God in that way. I just used God as, or the idea of God as, again as a vehicle to separate myself from other people and that kind of stuff.

Speaker 1:

Okay, continuing on, our basic text suggests that we choose an understanding of a higher power that is loving and caring and greater than ourselves. These simple guidelines can encompass as many understandings of God as there are NA members. They don't exclude anyone. If we understand the word God to mean the power of the program, these guidelines fit. If we understand the word God to mean the spiritual principles of the program, these guidelines fit, which is kind of where I started and kind of still where I live. You know, if we understand the word God to mean a personal power or being with which we can communicate, these guidelines fit.

Speaker 1:

It is essential that we begin exploring and developing our understanding. Our sponsor can help immeasurably in this process. So the point is to make a beginning of believing in the principles of loving and caring and the energy and the light that that brings in your life and walking using that light as the guide, not selfish or self-seeking, uh things, nothing like that. You know what I'm saying. So there's that you know, and uh, that's uh. And then you start building a life based on, start building a life based on, you know, making choices, using that as the thing, and yeah, yeah. And then, next thing, you know you're happy and you have a life and you have a God and you have all these things, but it just doesn't happen right away. So this is the beginning, the beginning to start to explore a new way of life, with a new road that you're going to be walking on, which is basically a road of service. And what can I bring to the table and how can I help people, how can I make them do what I want?

Speaker 1:

You know what is my understanding of a power greater than myself today? Oh, there's a lot of powers that are greater than me. You know, yeah, a lot. You know, yeah, a lot. You know people are crying now over the government, fucking Donald Trump and Bobby Kennedy and all these things. They all operate within a power that is actually greater than my own power regarding they have ultimate they don't have ultimate authority over my life, but they, they can. They don't have authority over my happiness and they don't have authority over some of the choices that I make complete, like complete authority, but they do. You know that's a power greater than me. You know time, time is a power greater than me. I can't let uh, you know, I can't either hold on to something or let go of something or let things develop on my own time. It's like, you know, time is it's own. For me, it's an own Individual power and it's so powerful, just time letting things unfold. You know, there's that. You know what I'm saying.

Speaker 1:

How is my higher power working in my life? The higher power is working in my life in ways that you know. You know it's just really For me. You know, I'm like floating. I'm just like floating most of the time, like I'm floating and I'm just being, I wouldn't even say driven. I'm being pulled, but not against my will, by this life. You know, yeah, where I just I don't have to be, I don't have to be anywhere or anybody else, in who I am, man, it's so freeing, you know. And there's things that can happen that can disrupt my outside life and then obviously somewhat disrupt my inside life. But I have such a supreme um, I wouldn't say dependence, that's the wrong word but I have such a supreme reliance on a higher power and I have utmost, not even respect, I just have. It's just like a real thing for me. It's a real thing for me where I know I'm already okay now, regardless of the circumstances and regardless of what happens going forward. I know I'm already going to be okay. You know I'm already going to be okay. You know I'm already going to be okay, okay, continuing on.

Speaker 1:

As important as it is to figure out what our higher power is to us, it is more important that we develop a relationship with whatever we understand that power to be. We can do this in a variety of ways. First, we need to somehow communicate with our higher power. Some of us call this prayer, some of us call it other things. This communication does not have to be formal or even verbal. That's very, very true. A lot of times when I'm quiet, I'm sitting quiet, I'm doing meditation or I'm just trying to be with myself, by myself, man, I talk to that inner spirit that's inside of me, that comes from outside of me, if that even makes any sense but like, yeah, okay.

Speaker 1:

Second, we need to be open to communication with our higher power. We have to be open to that. This may be done by paying attention to how we feel, our reactions and what is going on inside and around us, or we may have a personal routine that helps us connect with a power greater than ourselves. It may be of our higher power that speak to us or helps us see the right thing to do with our fellow people. Let me read that again it may be that our higher power speaks to us or helps us see the right thing to do through other people. So it means like the goodness and the higher power speaks to you through other people who are trying to help you and trying to you know, get you to, you know, get you to level up, and that's the deal, okay. Third, we may allow ourselves to have feelings about God, about I'm sorry about the God of our understanding. We may get angry, we may feel love. We may get angry, we may feel love. We may feel frightened, we may feel grateful. It's okay to share the entire range of human emotion with our higher power. This allows us to feel closer to the power upon which we rely and helps us develop a trust in that power. That's pretty impactful. You know that.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, sometimes I, you know I can. I don't really do it anymore, but I used to. I used to curse at God all the time what the fuck, come on, bro, come on, like I get like that. You know, when you have, like you know, three things go wrong at once and they're all very little but, excuse me, together they're all very annoying, you know. And, yeah, yeah, how do I? All right?

Speaker 1:

So next question how do I communicate with my higher power? I get in touch with him by putting myself into submission and really like surrendering. You know what I'm saying. That's how I communicate with my higher power. It's very true. Okay, how does my higher power communicate with me? Oh, man, well, definitely, uh, through other people. Um, man, definitely through other people.

Speaker 1:

Intuition yeah, 90% of my, you know, because I have a new way of doing things. Over time, I've learned a new way of thinking and a new way of feeling and a new way of being, and this is true, you know, this is true. So there's that, yeah, okay, what feelings do I have about my higher power? You know, it's just supreme love is God to me? He's given me so much. So many opportunities, so many chances, so many. I'm still here today and I've been able and afforded to live the life that I want to create, the life that I want to create, as long as I have him as the guide, I'm extremely, I'm a very happy customer, you know, extremely happy, extremely, extremely happy. I don't know if that can change or when that can change, but it hasn't changed in a long time and that's just the truth for me.

Speaker 1:

Okay, continuing on, as many of us stay clean for some time. We work on developing an understanding of God for ourselves. That's what I got. Our growing understanding reflects our experiences. That's what I got. Our growing understanding reflects our experiences.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, because what happens is, as I was changing my behaviors and changing my life, I needed God in between those instances where I wanted to be selfish and I wanted to like no, I need to cheat here. And with lie, cheating, stealing, yeah, those are like the main things. You know, I need to bully somebody here. I need to feel heard, here I need, I need, I need, I need, I need, and any time that I felt those incessant, overpowering impulses to feel needy or to be needed, or I don't even know how to explain it the right way. I would, I would need a power, I would need God. I need a power greater than myself to talk me out of it.

Speaker 1:

Sometimes I make phone calls Before I do stuff, like I got to do something when we're done recording here and I got to make a phone call before I do it. You know, and, and that's fine, because I want to make sure that I approach things in a in a loving, caring manner and let it be how it is, you know, and that's it so anyway, but that's how God entered my life and all of those little instant, those little, those little every day, those little things, those little actions. So it's like, okay, sometimes I need God to help me brush my teeth. I talk about that all the time. You know he does. I don't need him to help me to get in the gym and do. I did kettlebell shit today and I did fucking hot yoga, hip flexor stretching, for an hour yesterday and you know I don't need him for that, you know.

Speaker 1:

And then maybe days will come where I will. Those are days that maybe I'm brushing my teeth every day, but then sometimes, like dude, I need him to help me brush my teeth. I need him to help me not wander. You know what I mean, whatever wandering means for you. So yeah, because I can listen, not even listen to myself. I can just start like I have tendencies to veer off track.

Speaker 1:

You know it takes work. I wouldn't say work and work is a good thing for me. I'm not saying work. If work means something bad for you, then you know. Hopefully you'll get to a place one day where work is actually something you look forward to, because that's where I find God the most is in the work that I need to do. The most is in the work that I need to do in order to like it. Like, if I have this goal, what I'm looking to get at the end of the goal I actually get while I'm trying to achieve the goal, who I'm trying to be. I'm actually being that, becoming that person while I'm trying to get there. So when I get there, it's like you know I'm already there when I get there, if that makes any sense, and then, whatever the thing is, I'm like, oh, this is cool, but it's even cooler that I fucking grew and that I did all this other stuff. You know what I mean. Okay, growing reflects our experiences.

Speaker 1:

We mature into an understanding of God that gives us peace and serenity. We trust our higher power and are optimistic about life. We begin to feel that our lives are touched by something beyond our comprehension, and we are glad and grateful that this is so. Then something happens that challenges everything we believe about our higher power or makes us doubt the existence of that power altogether. It may be a death or an injustice or a loss. Whatever it is, it leaves us feeling as though we've been kicked in the stomach. We can't understand it. Times like these are when we need our higher power the most, though we probably find ourselves instinctively drawing anyway.

Speaker 1:

Our understanding of a higher power is about to undergo a dramatic change. We need to keep reaching out to our higher power, asking for acceptance, if not understanding, we need to ask for the strength to go on. Eventually, we will re-establish our relationship with our higher power, although probably on different terms. Eventually, we will reestablish our relationship with our higher power, although probably on different terms. Yeah, it's a relationship. It's not like oh, I am the greatest and I am everything and you are nothing, like no man. It's a relationship. You know that's how it goes. It's a two-way street for me. All right question Am I struggling with changing beliefs about the nature of my higher power? Describe no, at the moment, because I'm already here, but when I was on the way, you know, I thought that it was still a mathematical equation Like, oh, if I do this and I believe this, and then I get, I get this.

Speaker 1:

You know, I was talking with somebody the other day and it's not a disparaging statement or anything like that, because many people make this statement to me. He just happened to make it. When I spoke to him, I was like oh, my god, man, god is the fucking greatest. And his first answer was oh man, you must've closed a big deal. And I was like no, not at all, you know. But um, and it was, and I wasn't saying it in a way like it's taking a swipe. I was like dude, like the closing deals and money is not my higher power. You know I don't. It's nice when we close deals and we make money. Yeah, it's great, but it's listen, it doesn't affect my spiritual nature in the way that it does maybe for some other people. So it's not my first thought, even though it's this person's first thought and it's a lot of people's first thought, you know, but I already have security. I have security with him. Not even I'm not even saying like, oh, I have all this financial security, I mean I'm doing okay. But if that security was gone, I have enough security in God that I'll just get it back. Don't you worry, I'll get it back, it's all going to be okay.

Speaker 1:

You know I that I believe in. You know I believe in because this is how I got in the first place by trusting in him and by trying to live on it as honest as I can. You know, and that wasn't always the case, even without drinking and sobriety, I stole from every job that I ever had until I started my own business, because when I got sober, I was doing some other Wall Street stuff, whatever. And then after that, when I let go of that, which took a couple of years in order for me to change my life, you know, I had to get like actual jobs and I stole from every one of them. I did, you know.

Speaker 1:

And stealing is not just money. Stealing is time. Stealing is people's trust, taking advantage, calling out when I don't have to, all that kind of shit, you know, here and there, whatever, just taking advantage of people, stealing period and I have to ask myself if I think I deserve something versus then I don't. If I think I deserve something, I shouldn't have to take it. That's the whole deal. Yeah, okay, is my current concept of higher power still working? Yes, how might it need to change? Right now I'm totally. I'm in good shape.

Speaker 1:

You know, as our understanding of a higher power grows and evolves, we'll find that we situations that used to strike fear in our hearts we may deal with frustrations more gracefully. You build up calluses as you live on and as you're like okay, well, these situations are coming down the pike and I can't. If I do what I did, I always get what I got and I need to, and I don't know if it's going to be better, but I need to do something different and I think that's the main key. You know, how could I do something different? You know, we may find ourselves able to pause and think about the situation before acting, like remembering.

Speaker 1:

Remembering Like okay, last time Some fucking girl said this shit to me, I fucking did this and it didn't turn out okay, or I didn't feel good about how I responded. It doesn't matter if it turned out okay or not. You know, because, like I said, I had a couple of interactions in the last few weeks when, like I got a little bit snippy and and yeah, where, like I got a little bit snippy and um and yeah, and I don't, I didn't feel bad about myself because I felt like I was standing up for myself, but I could have been nicer. But sometimes, here we are. What do you want me to tell you? You know, we'll probably I'm going to continue on we'll probably be calmer, less compulsive. That's the whole.

Speaker 1:

Key is to be less compulsive and more able to see beyond the immediacy of the moment. There's nothing that it's very rare, that something actually requires, you know, full fledged, uh, five alarm, fire kind of stuff. Uh, now you know I'm saying like it's very rare, that's that something requires an immediate reaction. You know, but before everything, I needed to, I just never learned how to play it cool. You know, I never learned how to just be quiet and let things uh play out. Sorry, I'm taking a note to start at the next portion next week. But yeah, I just never learned how to do that. I just always kept playing myself and then that was it. So, anyway, that's where we're at.

Speaker 1:

It's a short episode this week I did pretty good, kept it under half an hour. Shout out to our boy, Doug, who celebrated a year of sobriety, like a week ago, whatever. I don't know if I shouted him out yet. We're going to try and get him on there in the next couple of weeks. You know, do a little interview action here and there. So there's that. Either way, like and subscribe on all podcast platforms of Sober Experience. I'll see you guys on the flip side. Peace.