The Sober Experience
Recovery and mental health, spirituality and life. We will be sitting down with people in and out of recovery who have helpful tips and shared experiences to provide better love and understanding on this earth. There will be a wide veriaty of topics discussed and after each interview there will be another reflection episode where I can analyze what we spoke of and what sticks to mind.
The Sober Experience
The Impact of Lived Experiences on Our Lives
Celebrating the milestone of my son's 30th birthday, I find myself reflecting on the incredible journey of fatherhood and the transformative path to sobriety. These decades have been filled with learning and growth, providing a stark contrast to the experiences of friends who are just beginning their parenting journeys. Through heartfelt anecdotes, like a memorable encounter at the gym, I lay bare the value of lived experiences, underscoring that true understanding arises not from theoretical discussions but from genuine engagement and self-discipline in everyday life.
The conversation deepens as we explore the intricate role of self-will in personal growth and relationships. Together, we tackle the crucial task of identifying and altering unhealthy patterns, stepping beyond destructive habits, and embracing selflessness as a path to fulfillment and happiness. This journey is one of introspection and transformation, highlighting how seeking guidance, practicing forgiveness, and committing to change can steer us toward a balanced, purposeful life.
Our discussion wraps up with a nod to the profound impact of the Three Legacies podcast on YouTube, a beacon in my sobriety journey. With gratitude, I recount how powerful stories shared by Paul, the host, have resonated with me and my community, sparking inspiration and positive engagement. Encouraging listeners to foster kindness and mercy, I leave with a message of peace, urging everyone to take proactive steps towards a fulfilling life, and reminding us all of the strength found in community and shared experiences.
Welcome back, yo-yo, sober experience. I'm in love. I'm in love. What a life I've been thinking about you. What up? Welcome back Sober Experience. You know the deal. Like and subscribe on all podcast platforms. Also, share the episodes with all your friends, people you like, people you hate, whatever, whatever. Today is my son's 30th birthday, so happy birthday to the prince aka Devski and dog.
Speaker 1:30 years is a long fucking time to be a dad. You know, it's the truth, man. And yeah, I've seen it, I've seen it all, bro. No, I've seen it all. You know, I've seen it all. It's been amazing. Yeah, so I have, have, like this wealth of experience. It's not even knowledge, it's just like experience. So it's funny because, like, I have friends that have kids now they're brand new, bro, they're on their way to learn things that I already know. They're 10 years, 15 years, 20 years away from learning shit that I learned 10 years ago. Does that make sense? You know it's a wild experience, um, being a sober dad. Obviously I wasn't sober the whole time. You know, back up in the Valley we were definitely not sober and um, but you know, you start out one way. You have, uh, opportunities to dictate how the story ends, you know, and that just comes down to how you live, in the choices you're making, all that other kind of stuff. You know people make choices. Shout out to my mom Her birthday was a week ago. She's on the 14th, the boy's on the 22nd, so maybe a week and a day. It's nice. Yeah, man, what a life I'm in love. Yeah, it's a good thing I can babble, because I can't sing, but yeah, so this is where we're at.
Speaker 1:Was it yesterday, today's Wednesday or the other day? No, it was Monday. Monday was like the inauguration day. Oh man, people crying, you know, good tears, bad tears, like who cares, man, I was talking to my dad about it. It's like, yo, bro, regardless of who's running the show, you got to, I got to get up every day and I got to handle my business. Man, that's what I got to do. I got to handle my business. I got to be part of the light, no matter what.
Speaker 1:Yesterday I was in the gym, I was in the sauna and there was this young kid and, similar to what I was just talking about, this kid, he's just talking points and he's got no experience. Oh, capitalism and this and that, and there's a public school teacher there and they're like rambling off, and normally I just mind my fucking business when people talk. Sometimes I look at them and I, just to be honest with you, I size people up. I'm like listen, all right. How many people in this honor, realistically could I kick the shit out of before I open my mouth? Because that's always, you know a thought I say the wrong thing to somebody, this, that then I gotta back down. Who's gonna back down? There's a thing of hot rocks, you know it's whatever. So after like maybe 10 minutes of them just babbling, I did open, know it's whatever. So after like maybe 10 minutes of them just babbling, I did open my mouth.
Speaker 1:It's like, bro, america's incredible. What's going on right now? It doesn't matter. It's like you have opportunities and not everybody gets the same opportunity. Well, guess what? That's fucking life. But if you're sitting in a sauna in Bay Ridge, brooklyn, you're here, and that's what I was talking about. They're like, oh, you know they talk shit about Trump. Oh, he's a good businessman, a bad businessman. I'm like, bro dude, him being a bad businessman is still a better business person than any one of us that was sitting in that fucking sauna. Not one of us had $10 million, you know. So there's that.
Speaker 1:And the only thing I really said was like, oh listen, I was like dude, that's like. You know, it doesn't matter who's there. I said, unless you're actually creating opportunities for people and for yourself, creating like cash flow, running a running business and what it's like to really have people depend on you, then you don't know anything, you're just talking. There's no experience, you're just saying things just to say them. And this other guy in the sauna was like yeah, absolutely, it's like yeah, and I didn't want to just start taking people's inventory because I don't have to. This guy, this kid, he already knows that he don't participate in that way. You know, because he's like oh, republicans, democrats, this, that I'm like bro, you know, come on, man, none of them are your friend, sir. None of them, and that's the whole key. None of them are your friend. You want somebody else to give you a job, no problem. Whenever they want to turn the lights off like TikTok, then you got no fucking job and that's just what it is.
Speaker 1:I'm not saying it's good, I'm not saying that type of stuff is not for me. What it would take to put me out of business would be a lot. It's possible, but guess what? I will start another one. You can put me somewhere and I will make something happen, because that's what I've had to do my whole life Because of my attitudes and my behaviors. They do not work well in a structured environment. My life needs to be structured, this is true. I'm a big believer and that's what the most effective thing for me is. The discipline equals freedom, all of that stuff.
Speaker 1:I get up, I do my thing, I do this, I drink blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Right. Then I have an amazing day. And if I have a bad day which they do happen infrequently, but they do happen the bad day is not going to be because I wasn't doing what I was supposed to do. The bad day is just going to be a fucking. It's just going to be a bad day, and I think that's the difference.
Speaker 1:I don't want to be able to blame it on like oh, this guy didn't pray today, you know, he didn't realize how grateful he was. He didn't do the exercise, he didn't do at minimum stretching, he didn't. You know the days that I deviate yeah, man, when I go and I eat garbage. Bro, I just had this. I ordered some, some food from a Middle Eastern place it's like a falafel place, but anyway, bro, and that pita smelled so good and fucking no, I don't need it. But I have been on those acai bowls, which I know are sugar fucking blasts. So I need to stop doing that because I can't have all that sugar. I can't hold all that sugar. That sugar is addictive, bro, it is so, uh. Yeah, that's where we're at as far as that goes. Phone is blowing up. Everybody can wait, I don't care. All right, let's see. Where are we? Where are we all right?
Speaker 1:Uh, last week we're doing, uh, step three. We did the thing where we made the decision to turn our will and our life over to the care care being the opportune word of God as we understood him, or the care of a loving, forgiving spirit of your life that you want to adhere to. That's what it is for me. That's what it is. It's like yo, I surrender to the fact that I live this way, I behave this way, I am this way, and then I get what I get and I have what I have because of that, and it took a very long time to get to that spot it's funny because I was before. We get back into the reading.
Speaker 1:I was, I was at a meeting yesterday and we're talking about the second part of the 12th step and whatever. And I was saying that you know it's a, it's a huge thing. It's like, um, you know, you know. You know action leads to good living and the joy of good living is the theme of the 12th step. It means like you got to do something, you have to do something. You know you have some agency you have. You know you have your own will. You know you have your own will. You know you have your own will. So I turn my will over to the care of this loving spirit that just doesn't stop giving. It doesn't stop giving. It's like, but you have to earn it, man. Like, but you have to earn it, man, and you just have to earn it.
Speaker 1:And when I was sharing with these kids yesterday, it's almost I hate saying like I'm like this old timer, but I'm like an old timer, like I don't, uh, I have to stop. Try to stop saying like, um, I'm in this room with these people and I've been around over 20 years. You guys already know the next person below me got like 10. So I'm dude, you know. So these people like I love listening and watching them not believe in this kind of stuff, in this kind of life, and then in two years they're like real believers. But that's what it takes. It takes years, similar to what I was talking about me being a dad. It takes years.
Speaker 1:You know somebody who has a toddler who thinks that they're going to be able to tell their kid what to do for the rest of their life. No, no, they're going to be like this. They're going to do you got a fucking rude awakening coming and it is on the way, 100% on the way. You are not going to dodge that bullet because that little kid is going to be a little person. My brother, who I love so much, my boy Hammer, he was telling me and Frank the other day that his fucking, that his kid, little baby Sebastian, who's the cutest little baby, y'all be like headbutting him Hard, like in his face. Bam, what are you going to do? You're going to slap a kid. The kid I don't even think he's two years old. You know what I'm saying? Wait till he's 12. Here we are.
Speaker 1:Okay, self-will. Step three is critical because we've acted on self-will for so long, abusing our right to make choices and decisions. So what exactly is self-will? Sometimes it's total withdrawal and decisions. So what exactly is self-will? Sometimes it's total withdrawal and isolation. That's when you're running from your life. I've been there. We end up living a very lonely and self-absorbed existence. Wow, lonely and self-absorbed, incredible. Sometimes self-will causes us to act to the exclusion of any considerations other than what we want. We ignore the needs and feelings of others. We barrel through, stampeding over anyone who questions our right to do whatever we want, including that isolation. Right, yeah, man, self-pity, lathering yourself with it. It's a choice. I didn't even know that. I didn't even know that.
Speaker 1:Continuing on An example is like, okay, you know, my wife whatever I was going to say my wife, yeah, she doesn't like me talking about her on here, but I'm not going to talk about her, I'm just saying what's going on. My wife is like not having a good time. I'm not saying not having a good time, but you know, she goes to this doctor. She doesn't really care for the doctor and the doctor's not really that effective. And here's the thing a lot of doctors, they don't know shit. They know stuff, but they don't know shit, you know, and a lot of them are very, just like teachers, just like anybody else. They're humans, man. So the ego is there there and I can't even imagine they're getting paid to fucking see people for 15 minutes at a time and be like, yeah, go do this, yeah, go do that. Yeah, and I'm like all right, dude, you know whatever. And I know plenty of doctors in aa and na, so they're fucked up people too, on every level, on every level, just so you know anyway.
Speaker 1:So, whatever, she's not feeling well, and I'm like, and she's like, oh, I'm gonna switch to Every level, just so you know Anyway. So, whatever, she's not feeling well, and I'm like, and she's like, oh, I'm going to switch to this other doctor, you know. And I was like that's beautiful, because now, even though you feel bad today, you can take I don't know if the word is solace or whatever, but you can just identify the fact that you are taking action to change the situation. So how you're feeling today is going to start to end. Now it will be different, and maybe the next doctor will be also an idiot, but eventually, if you keep going down this path, you'll find the right person. What will not happen is you finding the right person by doing nothing and just being like I'm fucked up, I don't feel well, something's up with my stomach, and blah, blah, you know all this other stuff, and then just tolerating, yeah, if nothing changes, nothing changes. I'm sure you've all heard that already. If nothing changes, nothing changes. I'm sure you've all heard that already. You know I'm going to continue on, so, anyway, but what I'm saying is that, before I continue on, is that when I'm in a bad spot, I know that the best thing for me to do is to like, okay, take a step back, look around right, how did I get here, what is going on? And then make a make, a make a call, make a decision, and then start walking that way. And I can start walking that way and guess what? I can turn around and I can go back. Then I can start walking another way and ask for help and look for people with experience who love me, who are part of that love that I'm chasing, that I'm giving to other people. You know, yeah, but doing nothing, you get nothing. So now I'm going to continue on.
Speaker 1:We become tornadoes whipping through the lives of family, friends and even strangers, totally unconscious to the path of destruction we've left behind, if circumstances aren't to our liking, we try to change them by any means necessary to achieve our aims. It's like what is my aim? My aim was always I needed to be right, I needed to be in control, I needed to be loved. I needed to be in control, I needed to be loved. I needed, I needed, I needed. It was about me, not even about the situation. It was about me, that was it. You know, that was it. We tried to get our way all we tried to get our way at all costs. We are so busy aggressively pursuing our impulses I'm going to read that again we are so busy aggressively pursuing our impulses that we completely lose touch with our conscious and with a higher power, higher power, higher purpose. To work this step, each one of us needs to identify in which ways we've acted on self-will.
Speaker 1:Here's some questions how have I acted on self-will? What were my motives? Acted on self-will, what were my motives? Selfishly, I don't know. Lately, I mean, there's times in my life where I've made phone calls to pick on people that I love, where I've made phone calls To pick on people that I love and I stopped doing it. But I can do it. My motives in those situations. I don't know, just to feel better, feel superior, it's pretty bad I don't really do. Just to feel better, feel superior, it's pretty bad. I don't really do that anymore. You know, like hiding that with, like, oh, I can help somebody, you know when, really, I just pick on them With people who don't have the same experience as I have and I can kind of big bro them a little bit. Yeah, so not good to do that, all right.
Speaker 1:How has acting on self-will affected my life? Oh, yeah, yeah, you know, before I turned, you know I had different motivations. It's funny that today is my son's birthday. I had different motivations and it all led to destruction. I never said no to a drink. I never said no to a woman ever, even in sobriety. Well, obviously not now, because I've been married and I've been with the same woman even in sobriety. Well, obviously not now, because I've been married and I've been with the same woman since I've been with her, you know. So there's that. But yeah, I've never.
Speaker 1:You know, and it was just chasing money, chasing mayhem, chasing attention and all that stuff that went along with it, and I just burned my life to the ground and then, when drugs and alcohol left I still, I chased money, but I didn't chase it. In a way I surrendered to a new life where I don't chase money or prestige in that kind of way all the time, like it's not my main focus, like nobody's perfect, including me, you know, nobody's perfect including me. So, um, I've had some degrees of success in my business and in my personal life, um, you know, and I've earned them by being selfless in ways that I don't think about. Well, how many rugs can I? You know, how much money can I make washing rugs versus how many rugs can I clean? How many people can I help? How many rugs can I clean? How many people can I help? You know, how many good experiences can I give people in my professional and my personal life? And it's really only been like it's been a slow, slow, slow burn. But once you hit that stride I probably hit that stride realistically about 10 years ago, 45, yeah, I was 35. I was right on time. But 35 with a lot of help, a lot of therapy, a lot of meetings, a lot of forgiveness, a lot of God, a that it's like really.
Speaker 1:It's hard for me to recall areas where I have been supremely selfish and self-centered, you know, you know how was the next question? How has myself will affected others. Basically, I was like at those moments, bro, I just I can behave like a bully. I was like at those moments, bro, I can behave like a bully. I can run around and gather up a gaggle of people in my life that depend on me in some way, whether it was my wife or my kids or whatever. They depend on me financially, they depend on me for this. Or, you know, people who work for me or people who are my parents. They, you know I can take advantage of them. I can take advantage of anybody else. You know I can.
Speaker 1:And it's hard because, like, I don't do that anymore and it's hard to watch other people do that and then not like really just jump in and be like, bro, you're fucking, you know, yeah, especially you know the kids. Kids, they take time to evolve. So you see a kid, that's like bullying his parent. I'm like dude, you don't understand that. Like your mom, if she wanted to, she can just kick your ass and if you are 18, she can just tell you to leave and never come back and be sad and you be gone Because of how, uh, you behave like that's reality and they're only here by the kindness of other people, which I had to learn. I was only able to exist the way that I was from the kindness of other people and from the kindness of the lord, the mercy, and he's like dude man. You got to keep evolving.
Speaker 1:And I know because I see people who've been sober, who allegedly working this program for a long time. They know all the words, they know all the fucking fancy shit, but their life is garbage. They're 400 fucking pounds or they're gambling addicts. So they never found a partner and they never built a life. They never did anything but come around and learn how to assimilate to a place where they can have some self-importance and feel good.
Speaker 1:It's like how I feel about teachers. Teachers talk to everybody like they're fucking kids. I'm like dude, you're not even that bright. You're brighter than a 7 or 8 or eight year old or a 12 year old, and that's what makes you feel good about yourself. But let me tell you something I don't have to have gone and gotten a master's degree and any of these other things to be smarter than you. I'm so smart in ways when I'm spiritually centered and my ego is in check. I'm so smart that I just be fucking quiet. That's my biggest achievement on earth is to be quiet Again.
Speaker 1:I participated a little bit yesterday in the sauna, but most of the time it's a challenge to myself, like, oh man, let's just be quiet and let people think whatever they want to think, because you can tell they listen, you know when you are bullshitting and you can dress it up as whatever you want, like this, like the one kid. He was like a young kid, maybe he's in his 20s, I don't know if I had to guess. Let's say he was pakistani and he was just like oh, my cousin has this car and this car and they're talking about Teslas and lithium batteries and this and that and whatever. I'm like bro, you're talking about what everybody else thinks and what everybody else is, but you haven't said one thing about you, about your views, just what you learned in college. And now you're in a sauna standing there spouting things. It's like almost somebody who's like never been in a fight but thinks they know how to fight because they watch UFC. That's not the same thing. There's no like time out and somebody's punching you in the face like life anyway. It's the same thing. There's no, like timeout and somebody's punching you in the face Like life. Anyway, continuing on Surrendering our will doesn't mean we can't pursue goals or try to make changes in our lives and the world.
Speaker 1:It doesn't mean we have to passively accept injustices to ourselves or to people for whom we are responsible. We need to differentiate between destructive self-will and constructive action. Will pursuing my goals harm anybody? These are questions. No, how they won't, because my goals are to make other people comfortable, not myself. I'm already comfortable. My kids, my family, they're in good shape. You know, within reason Nobody can ask me for something within reason that I just cannot push a button and make that happen. You know the only thing I can't do is make them happy and that's why I try to exert my will Right when I'm like well, there's my again. My wife like yo call another doctor, try this, do that. Blah, blah, blah.
Speaker 1:Uh, what was the guy? Um, the guy that helped, uh, dana White lose all that weightcker, whatever, bro, do a fucking genetic DNA test. Maybe you're deficient in these things, all the stuff that doesn't rely on somebody else completely, that you've been programmed to rely on, because I don't 100% believe that. You know the guy went to medical school. Okay. When was the last paper he read? I don't fucking know. When was the last time he was wrong about something and admitted it? Are you even allowed to have those kind of conversations? Or can you listen to youtube videos and shows and books and this and that of people who are not them? You know and have your own opinion. It's just how it goes.
Speaker 1:Okay, in the pursuit of what I want, is it likely that I will end up doing something that adversely affects myself and others? No, no. At one point, yes, but now, no, no. Will I have to compromise any of my principles to achieve this goal? Zero, no, that's the thing. My goal is to never have to compromise my principles. That's what I live by and the principles I have I made for myself. These are the fucking thing. This is my G code, this is what I want to stand on, and I made them by doing this step work. That's just how it is. I don't have to compromise that for anybody. You know, ever. It's just you know and I'm allowed. I'm allowed, I'm allowed to live in my own society, as long as I'm not crashing with anybody else. This is great. Okay, continuing on If we are new in the program and just beginning to work step three, we will probably end up wondering what God's will is for us.
Speaker 1:Hmm, what is the higher power's will Thinking that this step asks us to find out? Actually, we don't formally focus our attention on seeking knowledge of our higher power's will for us until the 11th step, but we do begin the process that will lead us to that point in step three. God's will for us is something we will gradually come to know as we work the steps. This is true. At this point, we can come to some very simple conclusions about our higher power's will for us that will serve us well for the time being. It is our higher power's will for us to stay clean, stay sober, stay off of whatever you're beating yourself up with, stay off the porn hub. It is our higher power's will for us to do things that will help us stay clean, such as going to meetings and taking I'm sorry and talking to our sponsor regularly, talking to other people who are trying to help you and you're trying to help them.
Speaker 1:Describe the times when my will hasn't been enough. For example, I couldn't stay clean on my own will. Yeah, most of my life, no, my, you know. Again, I talk about walking on this path. That's God's will for me is I have to stay on this path, this path of positivity, this path of acceptance, this path of love, no matter what. And you know, again, for me a lot of times a path of silence Do I have to do? I feel the need to go and voice myself all the time.
Speaker 1:When I was sharing this meeting yesterday and I was talking about the, you know it's hard for me to talk because I try to practice humility all the time. You know, I practice humility and I try to live humbly, if that's the right word, you know. And yeah, I'm the president of the Coney Island Polar Bear Club. Third year in, they asked me to do it. And guess what? There's not a lot of people who want to do service in that club, which is fucking crazy. They're just like no. We asked them to help, they're like no. But they want to come swim every week and that's sad. You know what I'm saying. So they just want to come and take. They don't want to give of themselves. Anyway, what's the point? The point is is that during New Year's, I spent most of the day not telling people who I was.
Speaker 1:There's thousands of people on the beach. I didn't tell a lot of people. I wasn't running around like yo, I'm the president, yo, I'm the president, yo, I'm the president, let's go. I'm on the fucking news Every channel. You know, the whole thing Wasn't even like that. I channel the. You know, the whole thing wasn't even like that. I don't like to. You know what I'm saying. I can just be that guy, I don't have to. I'm him, you know. I mean, I'm him. So.
Speaker 1:But then, as the day was going on and we were giving out stuff and I was like I'd give somebody, uh, a um, like we were giving out these certificates, I said, hey, I did it, like you did the plunge, and I was walking around doing whatever. I was like, oh, I'll give you a certificate. I was like, oh, how was the swim? They're like, oh, it was so great. I was like, fantastic. Then I would tell them I'm the president of the club. People would light up right away of the club. People would light up right away oh, my God, you're the president. I'm like, yeah, how you doing? You know, and I'm there with my whole outfit, my big fucking DeRucci jacket and my big gold chains and everything, and they all wanted it and then they wanted to take pictures and it made their day better, like, oh, this is the president of the polar bear club. You know, he was out there with us with his Tim Bro. He was out there with us with his Tim. Hey, bro, I was all the way New York, out, all the way DeRucci, bomber jacket with the fox fur, fucking notorious BIG Timberlands with his face on him, the little buckles of the whole shit I was representando, yeah.
Speaker 1:So I have to find that balance. Where I can, you know, yeah, where I can make somebody happy, you know I can, or I can add joy. I don't know if I'm making them happy, but I can affect somebody in a positive way. You know, sometimes it happens in meetings where somebody will hear me say something and they're like, oh, I listened to your show and I'm like yeah, yeah, yeah, thank you, and I just be quiet and just be cool and thank you, and they're like excited to meet me or they've heard about me, or whatever. You've been swimming in the same neighborhood for a long time, people know me, or whatever. You know, you've been swimming in the same neighborhood for a long time, people know who you are, and um, yeah, and I just try to be cool about it, but not like standoffish, like yeah, yeah, whatever, like no, be interested in them and be grateful to meet them. It's weird because they'll talk to me like they know me, because they listen to the show oh, how's your kids and how's your wife and how's this and all? Yeah, I heard about the wedding and blah, blah, blah, and your mom and your sister died, and your son. They'll know my whole life and I just met them 18 seconds ago. So that's like a little bit. You know it's hard to wrap your head around that, but that happens. That's okay, yeah.
Speaker 1:Anyway, continuing on, what is the difference between my will and God's will? God's will is the path that I'm on. My will is the steps that I'm taking. That's it, pretty simple. I've never said that out loud, it was just a regular thought that just happened right now. But that's exactly what it is.
Speaker 1:At some point in our recovery, we may find I'm going to continue on. At some point in our recovery, we may find that we have somehow shifted from trying to align our will with the higher powers to running on self-will. This happens so slowly and subtly that we hardly even notice hey, you get a little bit of success. Your girlfriend's hot enough, a couple of bucks in the bank, things are going your way. You're like, yeah, yeah, you know what, I got it. Now I'm all right, spider, I got it. I got it. And you take the wheel back. Will wheel, same thing. You take the wheel back, brother Brother, you run that thing right into a wall a little bit at a time. It seems as I'm going to keep going. It seems as though we're especially vulnerable to self-will when things are going well. What did I just say? Jesus christ, excuse me.
Speaker 1:We cross a fine line that divides humble and honest pursuit of goals from subtle manipulation and forced results. Getting what I want at the expense of others. That's a pain that I live with all the time. Yeah, things that I've done, I do not do them anymore Long time I haven't done. But it doesn't mean I never did them and it doesn't mean my penance or whatever is just I'm not doing them today At all At all.
Speaker 1:Okay, we find ourselves just going just a little too far in a discussion to convince someone that we are right. We find ourselves holding on to something just a little too long. We suddenly realize that we haven't contacted our sponsor in quite a while. We feel a quiet, almost subconscious discomfort that will alert us to this subtle shift away from recovery. If we listen. That's when you realize am I getting off the beam? Am I agitated more than normal, agitating me like living in a state of agitation, not just like something happens and you should be mad because it warrants being mad. So that's not what they're talking about here. Have there been times in my recovery when I found myself subtly taking back my will in my life? Yes, plenty of times. What alerted me? More pain that I inflicted on other people, uh, what have I done to recommit myself to?
Speaker 1:The third step is just commit myself every day to to not take those actions. You know, you can think those thoughts, but don't take those actions and eventually the thoughts will leave you. But if you you, I mean me, I mean we if I let those things run wild and I feel important in some way and I feel like I know, then or I know better than you, not even so much more than you, but I know better than you. Brother, I am not making a friend doing that on any level. I'm not making any friends doing that, you know. So, anyway, that's where we're at with it. So, anyway, that's where we're at with it. Next week we're going to go into the God of our understanding. So I know where we are. We're still on step three. We got a little while to go. Maybe in another two weeks we'll finish that.
Speaker 1:Oh, I wanted to give a shout out. I've been listening to this show on YouTube. It's called the three legacy podcast. You know, it's really, uh, amazing stuff. And, um, you know, I've been listening for a long time and then so I sent an email, um, to see, uh, yeah, I sent an email to be like yo man, I enjoyed the show, blah, blah, blah. Because you know he says on the podcast like you know, if you want to be part of what we're doing, here's our email address. So I shot him an email. I was like, bro, I've been sober a long time. You know, I feel like I can help people. I'm already helping people and I love what you're doing and whatever, because I've been sharing. This guy has a YouTube page. It's called Three Legacies, and they have incredible speakers and I've been sharing them with my boys every day. It's what I listen to every morning.
Speaker 1:So me even talking to the guy who runs that thing. It was like humbling for me. It's like dude, this guy's a fucking. In my life he's been very impactful. I have no impact in his life, maybe a little bit here and there, uh, now that we've become like little pen pals and I kind of text him or whatever, but, um, super impactful for both myself and um and other people in my network because Because the talks are real man, the talks are real. You know real life, real people doing real things, having real struggles and having real miracles. You know, yeah, the guy's name is Paul. Yeah, three legacies Check him out, anyway, I'll see you guys on the flip side. Go try and wave at a neighbor, go call your mother, tell her you love her and, uh, that's it, peace.