The Sober Experience
Recovery and mental health, spirituality and life. We will be sitting down with people in and out of recovery who have helpful tips and shared experiences to provide better love and understanding on this earth. There will be a wide veriaty of topics discussed and after each interview there will be another reflection episode where I can analyze what we spoke of and what sticks to mind.
The Sober Experience
Sharing Love and Positivity Through Resilience
We discuss the challenges of trust in recovery as we reflect on personal losses and the growth of our children. By exploring the importance of humility and sharing our experiences, we hope to inspire others to engage positively with their recovery journey.
• Exploring the impact of loss within the recovery community
• Observing the evolution of relationships and emotional maturity
• Distinguishing between speaking and sharing experiences
• The significance of mentorship and supporting others
• Addressing trust and fear in the recovery process
• Finding strength in vulnerability and asking for help
• Emphasizing hope and transformation through adversity
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What up, welcome back, sober experience. You hear that Merry Christmas, what up? What's going on? What's the mass appeal? Mass appeal, what's going on? What's the mass appeal? What up, welcome back, sober Experience. You know the deal Like and subscribe on all podcast platforms. It's been a few weeks I've been on hiatus, shut this thing down. Yeah, man, it's been a wild ride. You know, end of the year stuff, work stuff, polar Bear Plunge, stuff, which is great. You know, if you guys are around New Year's Day, come down to Coney Island. You can register online to do the Polar Bear Plunge.
Speaker 1:Start your new year Like new year, new me bitches. Like you know, you can start that like for real. And that's where we are. Man, you've just been putting all that stuff together.
Speaker 1:It's not easy dealing with different personalities and whatever. On a personal front, I am feeling great. You know, things in my home are really good, nothing to complain about. You know I am watching my children evolve and that's, and I'm participating in that kind of stuff. So it's been a few weeks since I've had a cigar and I was a daily cigar smoker. So I'm on that, but I'm still drinking this here. Uh, c4, um. I don't know if I'll ever let go of these energy drinks. I know they're poison, that's okay. I gotta pick my poison, you know. But you know it's holiday time. It finally got cold here in new york. We had some snow the other day.
Speaker 1:You know, meeting makers make it. I've been making them. You know, I did like a little stretch when I was in North Carolina. When I came back, well, I was like, bro, I didn't, fucking, I didn't go to a meeting, no ways. It was uh, wild. Um, yeah, I did like four or five days without one, which is a lot for me and because, you know, I have this thing that just says hey, man, get off of the freaking routine. That way you can feel like shit about yourself and then, you know, just be like a fucking zero, and I understand that too. So, you know holidays are around. It's been pretty. You know holidays are around. It's been pretty. Um, you know it's been pretty real. Um, we had, uh, let me see what's been going on. Man, we've been. You know we've been losing some folks. You know there was, um, you know it's a girl that we used to go to meetings with. That, um, you know she's no longer with us. It's fucking sad man. Yeah, we lost her like a week ago, a week and a half ago maybe, and um, you know, the disease is real, man.
Speaker 1:There's people living in pain, you know, and there's people who are struggling, and it shows up in all these different ways and sometimes, you know, it's a very selfish thing, but it's a lesson for the rest of us that you know some people that not everybody makes it. So what's the lesson in that? Does that mean that, like, oh, I'm special because I made it and they didn't make it? No, it just means that it allows me to stay on my square. Man, I got to be on top of my stuff. It's a very important thing for me to stay on top of my stuff, you know, because you know, a little bit at a time I can start to drift, especially when things are going well. You know, so, little bit at a time, I can start to drift, especially when things are going well, you know. So RIP to her.
Speaker 1:And you know I'm sad for everybody involved and you know this. You know the girl was troubled and that's okay. You know I'm fucking troubled. We're all troubled in a different way, you know. The other thing is like, you know, this is stuff that you go through. My youngest one is, you know, going through life and they are, I think they're breaking up with their partner you want to call it that Girlfriend, they friend, whatever and it's fucking sad. You know when they're ending a relationship, even though they're young, they're like 18. Look, my son is in a similar boat and you know I was talking with my wife yesterday. You know I was talking with my wife yesterday. I was like yo.
Speaker 1:I remember like back in the day that you know, we just grew up in a very ignorant time, you know ignorant, and my kids are not ignorant, and it sometimes causes a little bit of a disconnect, maybe only because I'm ignorant, and when I suggest ignorant suggestions, they look at me like I'm crazy. You know them crazy. You know like I. You know, if there was somebody, if there was, and not and I'm not saying that this is happening but if there was somebody who mistreated my sister when we were growing up, um, I had to uh go handle that in whatever way. That meant I had to get involved. You know I had to get involved. You know I had to get involved.
Speaker 1:The only times I didn't get involved was when she would mess around with some of my close friends, because then I'd just say, hey, listen, man, like you know I'm not. You know I'm not going to. I'm just not going to get involved. Because you see the way that I roll and then you want to play footsie with the guy standing next to me and expect him to treat you okay, then you get what you deserve. He's not going to change his stripes because of me or because of anybody else, because that's just how dirt balls roll.
Speaker 1:And I was a minute hanging dirt ball. So I dirt balled a couple of my friend's sisters and they dirt balled a couple of mine. No, a couple of mine dirt balled mine, you know. So there's that None of them did it too bad. I was worse Made a baby with one of my friend's sisters and the other one I just I made her cry, yeah. So I'm saying that to say that you know, like my dad didn't have to tell me to go try and straighten somebody out if she came home crying, you know, because this person did this and this person did that, um, yeah, and that was it. So you know, I was talking about that with my wife yesterday because I asked the middle one. I was like yo, do you want to go over there and slap this other girl? They're like no, I'm like, oh, okay, you know where, like my sister, on more than one occasion, you know, uh, yeah, well, you know she let it be known that, right or wrong, that's my brother and he comes home.
Speaker 1:You know you do him wrong, you're going to do me wrong and you got to pay the price and all this other shit. And the kids, they don't live that life. It's okay Anyway. So I'm just, I'm watching them. You know, two of them go through that stuff, you know, and, yeah, man, it's painful to just see like, oh man, and I went through so many I wouldn't even call them attempts, I went through so many women to get my woman, like a lot, and that's just part of the game, and you know that it's part of the game and you know that it sucks. And you know that it's part of the game and you know that it sucks, and you know that it. You know, very rare was I on the receiving end because I was just self-centered and selfish in the extreme.
Speaker 1:But entonces, tambien I, you know. So I see, when I see this stuff, I'm like, oh man, you know there's no restraining orders, nobody's getting fucking locked up, nobody's getting beat up. You know nobody's getting chased around the street. You know, I'm just like they're like these little evolved adults who are ending relationships in like a nice fucking way, which you know is very admirable, you know? Yeah, anyway, hold on. So, uh, yeah, let me take it just a quick break, I'm sorry, stand by, okay, we're back, welcome back. Sorry about that, yeah, um, yeah, I have this thing where you know even the people that work technically for me, I try to look out for them, like if I'm like their dad, and one of them sent me a message like, oh, you know, because you know we pay direct deposit and all this other stuff, and he's like, oh, can you get a receipt?
Speaker 1:Because he wanted to get approved for a renter center couch. And I was like no, I was like, hold on, let me call this kid. He's a young person, he's a kid. I'm like listen, these places, we got to do the math. If the math ain't you know, we got to do the math. I'll send you what you want. Do not sign any paperwork yet. Let me look at it, because this kid doesn't have anybody who's really mentoring him in that way in his life. So, yeah, that's a deal to just let him I'm not just. You know, we'll have one conversation, I'll show you what the math is and then we'll figure something out. You know, because you know these places. They charge you 6,000% interest. That's fucking bullshit. You know what I mean? You 6,000% interest, and it's fucking bullshit. You know what I mean. Yeah, it's crazy. So sorry I had to.
Speaker 1:For me, that's an emergency when somebody's going to make a blunder and I've personally never made the Rent-A-Center blunders, but I've seen them done and they're fucking bad. And those places they prey on young people. This young kid, he's making a you know a few dollars like real money, you know, and it's uh, you know the girl he's with they're making some money and it's just like, hey, man, it ain't. You know you don't want to get yourself trapped in a situation where you're gonna get hurt. You know what I mean. So I'm saying that to say this that uh, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:So you know being, um, you know, sharing my experience with people, whether it's my kids or the people that work with me or any person that I can, um, you know my experience can help them in any way. You know, because I just, you know, I don't want them to. Uh, you know, and that's. I think that's the difference between speaking and sharing. Right, sharing is like, hey, look, this is the stuff that happened to me. You have to really be careful and we'll figure something out together. Versus, um, you know me talking down to them like what are you fucking stupid? So, anyway, okay, let's get back. Let's get back to the book Bo. Oh, we're all. Finally, we're going to finish step two today. Wow, we're in step two. Yeah, we're going to finish step two today. Okay.
Speaker 1:Now, oh, this is going into trust. Practicing the principle of trust may require overcoming a sense of fear about the process of being restored to sanity. Okay, trusting in the higher power, or trusting in the process of having things work out, or having things be different. I don't know if they're going to work out better or worse, but a lot of times, better is just different, because if you're suffering from the same consequences, you want to. You know, you want to, you want to consider something else, you know.
Speaker 1:So, yeah, okay, even if we've been clean only a short time, we've already, we've probably already experienced some emotional pain as we've grown in recovery. This is true. We may be afraid that there will be more pain. Pain is on the way, it's all on the menu. This is life. Life is pain, life is joy. Life is dreams, you know, is dreams, our dream, I don't know. Life is full of dreams, I guess, you know, and there's a, it's a lot, there's a lot of magic out there, like a lot, and you just got to stay on the path and stay doing the right thing and then having that faith, and then, when the magic comes, you're like, wow, you know, and it's good. In one sense, we're right about this. There will be more pain. Here we go, See. None of it, however, will be more than we can bear, and none of it has to be born alone. I think that's a very important fact, that none of this, you don't have to live alone. You don't have to live alone.
Speaker 1:Man, I had somebody this past weekend, you know, come up to come up to me and be like, um, you know, come up to come up to me and be like that, um, you know they want to, you know, apologize if they've been out of pocket in some ways, or like they're like, basically, if I said anything that you guys felt offended by or like like these and none of it. Um, and you know, I guess they're sensitive to how they speak to other people or how they communicate, but me and the other uh folks that uh she was talking to, we didn't even know what she was like. No, man, I don't know what you mean. And I asked her, I stopped in a minute, said what you're gonna tell us something now? And she's like no, it's just in the past.
Speaker 1:Like sometimes I get like this and I she feels like she's getting rough. I'm like hell. No, like listen, if you getting rough with me, I tell you listen, you're being a little bit rough. If you not, then you're not, it's okay. You know, I have to be mindful of myself because I try not to be rough. My tone a lot of times is rough and I have to be mindful of myself because I try not to be rough. My tone a lot of times is rough and I have to work on my tone. And then sometimes I've softened up my tone so much that my wife is like bro, why are you talking to me like a fucking? You know what's wrong with you. Put some bass in your voice. Boy Like yeah, so because I've been over aggressive my whole life, and it doesn't because I've been over-aggressive my whole life, and it doesn't mean I've been overly tough.
Speaker 1:It just means I've been overly aggressive with just my mannerisms and the way that I treat people and the way that I talk to people. It's the way you know. That's a learned behavior that doesn't always get unwound. Anyway, let's not. But yeah, so let me continue on. If we can develop a sense of trust in the process of recovery and in a power greater than ourselves, which is the love on this earth, we can walk through the painful times in our recovery, we'll know that. We'll know that what's waiting on the other side will be more than just superficial happiness. It will be a fundamental transformation that will make our lives more satisfying on a deeper level.
Speaker 1:What fears do I have that are getting in the way of my trust At this point? None, because I have so much experience that I've been living this spiritual, sober life for so long already. I don't really have fear in that way, but in the beginning I had these unwarranted fears, you know, and I had plenty of manufactured fears of me not being able to be loved enough or not getting what I need, and I would always have an abundance of all the wrong things, all the wrong appetites. I used to lather myself in them, you know, just to make sure that I wouldn't get hurt in some kind of way, and all I did was actually hurt other people in the process. And this is without without drinking, drugging or any of this other stuff. Um, yeah, and I would never end up getting as only is like.
Speaker 1:Look, an example was like. You know, I was engaged for a very long time because my wife was not ready to marry me, because some of my attitudes and my behaviors, more more so my attitudes well, both, um, they fucking. She wasn't ready and I needed more work, and it was when I and it was years that I was engaged, and it was when I finally like, let, and it's fine, I'm not even complaining because I just let go. I said, look, she's my, she's laying next to me today and that's what matters. If she doesn't want to have a big fucking wedding and sign a fucking paper that entitles her to whatever should something bad happen, okay, she's with me right now. I'm doing it one day at a time. We're going to do it right now. You know, as soon as I surrendered to that over time and I just worked on being the best person I could be. Then one day she's like alright, I'm ready, you know. So that's how that goes.
Speaker 1:Anyway, we can walk through the most painful times in our recovery. We'll know that what's waiting on the other side will still Wait. What We'll know that what's waiting on the other side will still wait. We'll know that what's waiting on the other side will be more than just superficial happiness. It will be a fundamental transformation that will make our lives more satisfying on a deeper level. Yeah, yeah, it's a good thing.
Speaker 1:I think I read that twice. Okay, do I need to let go of these fears? No, what action am I taking? Um, that demonstrates my trust in the process of recovery and a power greater than myself. I was talking about this with my cousin today. Like, my life is just about giving and I give. You know I just keep giving. I give of myself, I give of my time, I give of. I give a lot. You know I give a lot and you know I've been taking care of this whole time and it's because of that.
Speaker 1:Once I stopped like trying to hoard everything for myself, bad things started stopped happening to me because I wasn't in a position where I couldn't see, uh, the good things that are in front of me and the good things that I can help people with and that other people can help me with. And then I I could never get ahead emotionally. I was trapped in victimhood, I was trapped in self-centeredness, I was trapped in fear of like oh no, I'm not. You know, I need, I need, I need, I need, I need. What about me? When is it going to be my turn? And nobody will understand me and they're all gunning for me. Like. I'm so happy to be free from that.
Speaker 1:The principle of humility, I'm going to keep going. The principle of humility springs from our acknowledgement that there is a power greater than ourselves. This is true. It's a tremendous struggle for most of us to stop relying on our own thinking and begin to ask for help, but when we do, we have begun to practice the principle of humility found in the second step.
Speaker 1:Have I sought help from a power greater than myself today? Yes, you know, because I had a little bit of a juggle in the schedule this morning, so I had some unadulterated time, and when I'm off of, when I'm thrown off like that, I tend to spiral, if I allow myself. So I said what constructive actions can I take? I went to a zoom meeting. I dropped off stuff at the Salvation Army. I picked up some. You know, I did all these things that you know were constructive. You know, instead of just like twiddling around on my phone, you know, because I've been off of the, you know, while I'm out and about I've been off I take, when I leave the crib, I take Twitter, instagram and Facebook off my phone. Those are the only socials that I have. I take them off and then I just I have a much more productive day when they're not on there and when I get home, if I want to look at stuff, I put it back on.
Speaker 1:All right, have I sought help from my sponsor, gone to meetings and reached out to other addicts and alcoholics? Yes, what have been the results? An incredible sense of peace, of the fact that I didn't let this one disruption. This is how crazy it is. A disruption is just free time for me, unaccounted for. I call it unadulterated. Unaccounted for time that's free for me is a disruption. That's so fucking wild where some people like they would love to have a few hours of free time and I was like you know, I and I, I use them effectively, but it really it fucks with me mentally.
Speaker 1:I like to be yeah, I guess you want to say disciplined, I like to be regimented. I like to say disciplined, I like to be regimented, I like to be. You know, I like to have my stuff, my ducks, in a row. I like to know what I'm going to do next when I don't. Even if I'm a compliment, I'm uncomfortable. I'm a good soldier in that way. I need to be regimented.
Speaker 1:Okay, moving on, as we get ready to go on to step three, we'll want to take a look at what we've gained by working step two. Writing about our understanding of each step as we prepare to move on will help us internalize the spiritual principles connected to it. Question what action can I take that will help me along the process of coming to believe? Yeah, what action can I take?
Speaker 1:A lot of times in this situation, like again with my kids going through these different situations with the guy, that works for me is do nothing. I can make myself available, I can. You know, like I said, I'm going to send this kid the information and then I can do nothing. You know I can do nothing. That would be great, all right. What am I doing to work on overcoming any unrealistic expectations I may have about being restored to sanity, that I will not be perfect, and that's number one. Number two most of it is not going to go my way and the Lord's way is way better than my way. That's what my experience has shown me. You know, it's like, even with the kids, like if they want to hang on to these relationships, whether it's platonic or not, I'm like, dude, that's you wanting to hang hang on to stuff that God is trying to take out of your life. And you know you can go back to more pain and more suffering and more whatever if you choose to. But you know you got to trust in that like. You know that as long as you're trying to do the best thing and move on, and even if you made mistakes and then you just own up to them and then you move on, you're going to have a great life. You know you're going to learn from the next situation, whether it's a job, whether it's a partner, whether it's a friendship, whether it's with family members, you're going to learn. You know, and that's where the magic happens.
Speaker 1:What is my understanding of step two? Step two is came to believe that a power greater than myself could restore me to sanity. My understanding is really that I do not have all the answers, and I'm grateful that I do not, and I need to be open to taking help from other people. It's possible that I don't know everything. That was news to me. Next question how has my prior knowledge and experience affected my work in this step? My experience is that you know, the less I claim to know, the less I claim to know, the better off it works out for me. And, like I was sharing before about the difference between speaking and sharing, sharing is open, that's between two people. Speaking is just me running my fucking mouth. All right, move on.
Speaker 1:As we move on to step three, a sense of hope is probably arising within our spirits, even if we're not new in recovery, and we just reinforced our knowledge that recovery, growth and change are not just possible but inevitable. When we make the effort to work the steps, we can see the possibility of relief from the particular brand of insanity in which we've most recently been gripped by our addiction. We've probably already begun to experience some freedom. I feel actually pretty good, like not smoking. I didn't realize I could just quit just like that. And maybe this is the last time I quit. Maybe I just don't never go back to them, but that's the truth. I feel good about that. You know that is freedom. I don't like anything to have a hold of me about that. You know that is freedom. I don't like anything to have a hold of me like that. Continuing on. We've been sorry.
Speaker 1:We're beginning to be released from that blind pursuit of our insanity. When you're just going and going and you don't even know that you're going down the rabbit hole and people are trying to like get your attention, but you have those blinders on and when you're in it, the eye of the storm. It's like disassociation. It's crazy. We've explored our insanity and have started to trust a power greater than ourselves to relieve us from having to continue on the same path. We're beginning to be freed from our illusions I love that word illusions. We no longer have to struggle to keep our addiction a secret or isolate ourselves to hide from our insanity, and the addiction could be anything you know Most of the time. For me again, it's like the food stuff. You know Food, p-o-r-n, what else? That's really it. Those are the only vices I have. That and self-pity. My favorite vices, those three, the fucking you know, huey, dewey and Louie All right, mm-hmm.
Speaker 1:We have seen how the program has worked for others and we've discovered that it is beginning to work for us as well. Through our newfound faith, we achieved the willingness to move into action and to work. Step three Woohoo, yeah, okay, so we're going to move on to step three next time. Step three is we made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care, the care of God as we understood him, care being the primal thing. The primary thing is care. You know when you make these decisions that you want to change your life and you just turn your life over to the care of those positive decisions and you don't get the results right away. That's when you really need to stay, you know, stay focused, stay on your square, do the next right thing ask for help, help get a community, reach out to other people, try to be honest, as honest as you can be, about what's going on, about how you feel, about what's going on, and then you know that will give you the strength to press on.
Speaker 1:There was this guy I used to work with when I worked on Wall Street. His name was Ade. We used to call him Minister Ade. He was a super. He was part of, I think, the Brooklyn Tabernacle. He was from Nigeria, Ade Fawokon, big head, british guy, and he was great and he loved God and he found God. I don't know how he found him, but this was back when I was in the fucking spin cycle and he used to always pray for me. He said, jared, I'm going to pray for you. You're so young and blah, blah, blah. He had this thick British accent and he used to be like you know, you have to trust in God. I used to drink every day, I used to smoke weed every day and you know, now it's all about God and that's it.
Speaker 1:And he came to America. He didn't really have anything america. He didn't really have anything. He got a job on wall street. He started making some money, and then this and that and whatever. Yeah, it was a beautiful story, but anyway, point is like he used to always be like jarrah you have to press on, you have to press on, mate, just press on, press on. And I, you know, I believe that now, more than anything else, I wish I could run into him. I would just give him a big hug and tell him I loved him so much. You know he had, he had it, he had God man. He had God Like and subscribe. Like and subscribe and share on all podcast platforms a sober experience. I hope you guys have a wonderful Christmas. If you get cold in your stockings, too bad, so sad because it's about giving All right. I love you guys. Peace.