The Sober Experience
Recovery and mental health, spirituality and life. We will be sitting down with people in and out of recovery who have helpful tips and shared experiences to provide better love and understanding on this earth. There will be a wide veriaty of topics discussed and after each interview there will be another reflection episode where I can analyze what we spoke of and what sticks to mind.
The Sober Experience
Introducing Step 2 With Personal Growth, Recovery, and Resilience Stories
Tune into the Sober Experience podcast as we explore a myriad of topics that center around health, politics, and society. I kick off by sharing insights from my recent journey with testosterone replacement therapy (TRT), focusing on the uplifting impacts on sleep and mood. With the political climate heating up, I've chosen to sidestep confrontational debates and instead provide my reflections on intriguing political discussions, including the nuanced exchange between JD Vance and Theo Von. I also address the presence of migrant hotels in my neighborhood, balancing empathy with safety concerns.
As we shift gears, join me on a heartfelt exploration of the first two steps of Narcotics Anonymous, uncovering the raw truths of addiction and the transformative hope offered by a belief in a higher power. I delve into personal challenges with family dynamics, emphasizing the power of perspective and the pivotal choices that shape our lives. Inspired by the metaphor of a ship's course, we examine how small, consistent changes can lead to monumental life transformations, underscoring the importance of seeking help beyond ourselves to break free from addiction.
Lastly, immerse yourself in the poignant stories of resilience found in home care and recovery programs. Hear about a gym-going, paralyzed veteran whose life is a testament to the duality of human nature. We reflect on the beauty and stark realities of human connections, revealing the miracles that can arise from communal support. In a curious twist, we ponder the enigmatic actions of an elderly man, raising questions about online interactions. To cap it all off, I share a Bujubanton record that has resonated with me, setting the tone for a week of inspiration. Join us for an episode rich with reflection, community, and the music that fuels our journey.
What up, sober experience. We are back, boo-joo. Set the mood. Don't feel it no longer. Set the mood. I wish you would stay longer. Bright up my life like Disney World. I wish you would stay longer To make me stronger and stronger, but just like magic, here we go, see ya. Oh, my God, I need to go more time For the second time in the world. I want to make it up. Yo, what up, welcome back Sober Experience.
Speaker 1:Like and subscribe on all podcast platforms. Don't forget to share and subscribe that too. Whatever, I don't know. Listen, listen, spread the word. Yeah, we're doing pretty good. Uh, took a week off. Um, yeah, man, last time, uh, we had, we, we had some uh, heavy, uh heavy stuff going on. Oh, adjust the microphone. Yep, so uh, which was fine, and I'm feeling pretty good about that. Yeah, man, life goes on like so, so quickly, man, so quickly. We just move on to the next thing. You know, the next thing and I'm on, this is coming up.
Speaker 1:This is, think, week four of my um, of my TRT, and you know putting, you know, testosterone in my butt. Twice a week I've been hitting the gym, been feeling good. It's finally starting to affect my sleep, where I've been like sleeping. Sometimes I use like sleep aids, like melatonin, not sometimes a lot of times, um, magnesium stuff and, uh, the nighttime uh vitamin pack that I take, I know has like some kind of like whatever, um stupid root or something natural. Uh, that helps with sleep and it typically works. Um, but I have to say that I have, the last couple of nights, been not needing anything, which is nice, which is nice, and I've been pretty dedicated with the exercise. So I feel great. I think maybe it's possible that it's part placebo, you know, because I know it takes. Everyone keeps telling me it takes a few months to really feel the effects and I'm like, wow, if it takes a few months and I feel pretty good right now.
Speaker 1:I, mentally, I have like little squirrely moments where, yeah, I just I'm just keeping an eye on myself to make sure that I'm not, that I'm not getting super irritated or something. You know, they told me what to keep an eye out for for because I'm not taking any estrogen, just only testosterone and that's that. So I even asked my wife. I was like, you know, I've been extra, you know, prickly lately and she's like no, I was like, all right, good, good boy, so, yeah, so I just keep an eye on that and, you know, one day at a time, one, whatever, you know, health is wealth. Health is wealth, I don't know.
Speaker 1:I guess we're like a couple of weeks out of an election which is, by now, everybody already knows who they're voting for. So any kind of conversations that people want to have are just people looking for a fight and, uh, I am dodging those like, uh, you know, like a bullet. I'm just like all right, whatever, whatever. I'm even staying away from like the um, all the madness on twitter, you know. So I'm staying out of that kind of stuff. Sometimes I'll throw like one or two. I'm like as anonymous as I am here. I am on twitter, like you know, if I comment on somebody's shit who has like four million followers and I'm just like a little bubble, you know, I think that my little drop in the ocean is gonna make the tide rise and, yeah, people already have made up their mind, you know. But it's been funny to watch, man, I watched. I'm almost all the way through with, uh, with Trump.
Speaker 1:On Rogan, I heard that I've been following him more closely than Kamala Only because, you know, every, every time I try to follow her. I just can't. You know, I don't understand what the hell she's talking about A lot of times, except for just like he's an animal. That's the only thing I get. I'm like, okay, I get it. I get it, he's an animal. That's the only thing I get. I'm like, okay, I get it, I get it, he's an animal. What about you? You anything? So? But at least when I I was shockingly impressed with how jd vance handled the interview with theo von, I thought that was very humanizing. I didn't know that this guy's mom is in recovery for 10 years and that's impressive for his mom, for him, whatever man. I don't even know what that is, but I am not answering it. Hold on, there, we go. Jesus Christ, yeah, I don't know who that is, but they are not. I'm not letting anybody in here in the building. What the fuck are they buzzing me for Either way, but I did go and lock the door. I was like what if it's just some crazy person?
Speaker 1:You know, speaking of that, there's these um, you never know, man, dude, there's. You know, I work one block, not even one block. On the back side of my block is a migrant hotel. There are two of them there, and when I mean there, the people outside are by the hundreds that you see. So there's probably thousands, maybe a couple of thousand people there. Yeah, so you have to be careful.
Speaker 1:So far they've yet to bother me in any way. I know it gets a little bit dicey here at night and that's okay, I don't. You know I'm not a policy guy. When I see them, a human is a human. But I also see that you know they've been running these reports in the newspaper about, you know, over there in Roosevelt in Jackson Heights, that there are, you know, the ladies are going back out there on the stroll. They've probably been out there for a while, you know. But now they're saying that the Venezuelan those are air quotes gangs are going into these migrant shelters and I guess either recruiting or persuading some of these women to get out there and they're controlling that now, which it doesn't sound out of the realm of possibility.
Speaker 1:That whole world is like really beyond any of my comprehension. You know the underground, whether it's with drugs, women, all that stuff, I don't know anything about that stuff. I'm very far removed from it. But one of my boys, that's the defense attorney. He tells me all the time. He's like dude, there's underage girls and pimps and all that stuff right there in Penn Station and you can walk by them a hundred times and you will not see them If you don't know what to look for, if you know what you're looking at, but they're all there and I'm like, wow, part of me is intrigued, part of me wants to just go there and take a look. You know, see what the underbelly is like, but for what you know, it's only going to make me feel bad.
Speaker 1:You know, if I see, like a young person there, I think I told this story a few weeks ago where, like, there was this young kid who was walking by the gym and he was looking for poly prep, which was, you know, a good 10 minute walk from the gym. No, I would say 10 minute. Yeah, say 10, like a 10th of a mile. If he's walking, he's like, hey, do you know where this is? And he was like a high school kid. I mean, he's tall, that means I would have, I would have snapped his neck if he tried something. But, um, you know, as a kid, and I was like, and it was daytime, so I just said, hey, look, there's 92nd Street, make a right walk all the way up to the park. You can't miss it. It's on the right-hand side. He's so grateful. He's like thank you, thank you.
Speaker 1:You know, like a little I wouldn't say little like a young, tall, skinny, black, pimple-faced high school kid the wanted to just say listen, hop in the truck, I'll take you there. And then I was like I can't even do that in this world, you know, because this kid should not be getting in the car with strangers and I don't want to set that example that it's the right thing to do, but that's what I wanted to do. You know, I'm from a time where People could do that and I'm not that, you know. Yeah, I'm not that, I'm not that old. So that's where we're at with that. So I hope you guys are doing great, hope you guys are hanging in.
Speaker 1:Today's the 27th, in two days, two days, the 29th, your boy will have made 21 trips around the sun as a sober human being. Even I'm impressed, even I'm impressed. And then the following Monday, which is the 4th, yeah, monday the 4th, oh, the day before Erection Day, I am, you know, going to be celebrating over there at the Whale Room, the Wood, 7 pm, going to get some cake. Hang out with me and the short-haired Sophie. It was awesome. So that's the little catch-up that we're doing. Oh, shout out to Amar. It was his birthday the other day. We went to Luger's. It was nice. It was nice, okay.
Speaker 1:So now let's hit the clapper. Hold on, now that we got all that out the way, okay, I'm ready to get back into the step work that we were doing before man. So if you guys don't, if you're just starting to listen, now we are doing the steps out loud and they've been helpful, apparently, to some people from the NA, the Narcotics Anonymous Step Working Guide. So we finished step one. It took us a while to start and finish, and now we're going to do step two. I was going to put an interview in between, where I get somebody from the rooms to kind of putz around. And you know, I have somebody in mind. I just have to do a little bit more convincing. But whatever, even if they don't show up, that's no problem. Yeah, anyway. So we'll continue on.
Speaker 1:Step one strips us of our illusions about addiction. Step two gives us hope for recovery. The second step tells us that we have, tells us that what we found out about our addiction in the first step is not the end of the story. The pain and insanity with which we had been living are unnecessary. Step says step two Whoa, okay, well, number number. Well, first things first. Step two states that we came to believe in a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity. So the pain and insanity with which we have been living are unnecessary. That's a very powerful statement.
Speaker 1:I think about that and I think about the struggles that I have with that when it comes to people in my life, specifically my children, and my wife has been really instrumental and helpful with having me turn a corner in this way, and not just with my kids, actually With just with people in general, but with most things. I'd say 95 plus percent of the world that I live in, that I had to, that it took some time to build, can be changed. It can be changed. It can be changed A little bit at a time. You can change your situation, no matter what it is, if you have long-term outlook and daily discipline. If you can be disciplined every day, great. If not, if you can be disciplined to just aim in a direction and walk that direction.
Speaker 1:The way that I try and describe. It is apparently when there's a boat in the ocean and if it just goes, moves like one degree off from where it was going, eventually it ends up in a whole nother spot. So you don't have to do this whole big thing. Do this whole big thing, the whole big thing happens at the end of the one degree movement that you do, or 1% movement, whatever that you do, every day or every week, and then months go by, and a year goes by, and two and you have a whole nother life. That's how I got the life that I have now. You know, 20 something years of walking in a new direction, sometimes wandering, but not doing it alone, but a whole new direction, and each step that I took in that direction. Sometimes there were, there was, there was always difficulties, but I knew I could change direction again and change again and then change again, and then come back and then this and that you know.
Speaker 1:So I'm saying that to say that the pain and insanity which could be your life is actually unnecessary, Right, because it boils down to perspective and choices. You can change anything. You can change anything. That's what I believe. So what I struggle with is when I see my kids stuck in this cycle of what I can only describe in my own experience as immaturity, like they're just not mature. Because I'm saying to them hey, listen, you can actually be happy and you can have whatever life you want to have. It's very possible. It's going to cost. That's the thing. It's going to cost you being honest about where you are, honest about what's keeping you there, what's keeping you there, and honest about asking for help to get out of there and the willingness to do that.
Speaker 1:And I get frustrated because these fuckers don't believe me or they just don't like believe me, or they just don't do anything. And then my wife is like you know, there's people who they just they're okay with being miserable. And I say to myself I'm like who the fuck would be okay in that prison? There's a way out. I literally have a tattoo on my arm that says a way out. There's a way out, you know. And she's like not everybody wants to go where it's different. So I was like and I don't identify with that. I don't identify with that. You may not want to pay the price and the price is steep. I just look at it. Maybe the price of staying where you are is maybe steeper for you. But the price of change it's painful.
Speaker 1:You know I said this, I think, in another episode and it comes to me now, you know about like that whole thing with like the phoenix, like the phoenix has to burn before it's reborn it's not just fucking reborn or whatever. Like the burn that means you get hurt, man. That's what that means. It's going to suck and it's going to hurt. You know, muscle needs to be broken down and torn before it grows. That's what has to happen before it grows. That's what has to happen.
Speaker 1:So painful choices like not grabbing for me, not grabbing the cookies, not reaching for the porn In those moments, those are just that's where I need a power greater than myself. You know, because I don't even get any elation, any bump of serotonin any more from any of that stuff. I get the idea of like, almost like, oh, wow, I'm gonna go get high. And then you get there and you get high and you're just like oh, this fucking sucks. And number one, it's unsatisfying. And number two, it brings guilt, shame and remorse in that order, and I'm like all right, you know, remorse In that order and I'm like alright, I guess I'll start tomorrow, whatever that is For you.
Speaker 1:So the point is Is that we recognized all of that stuff In the first step, and the second step Is Understanding that you are not going to have all of the answers and there's going to be something outside of yourself that will help you. Let's continue on. They can be relieved and in time, we learn to live without them through working the 12 steps of Narcotics Anonymous. The second step fills the void we feel when we finish step one. As we approach step two, we begin to consider that maybe, just maybe, there is a power greater than ourselves, a power capable of healing our hurt, calming our confusion and restoring our sanity. Yeah, the love and help of other people is capable of healing our hurt, calming our confusion and restoring our sanity.
Speaker 1:When we were new in the program, many of us were puzzled by this step's implication that we had been insane. From acknowledging our powerlessness to admitting our insanity seemed an awful large leap Understood. However, however, after being around the program for a while, we began to understand that this step, what this step was really all about. We read the basic text and found out that our insanity was defined as repeating the same mistakes and expecting different results. We could certainly relate to that, and that word is in italics. After all, how many times have we tried to get away with something we'd never gotten away with before, each time telling ourselves it will be different this time? Now, that's insane. As we live the principles of this step for many years, we discover how deep our insanity actually runs. We often find that the basic text definition just scratches the surface. Yeah, that definition absolutely. It's like a very you know. Eventually, you know you get. You put your hand on the stove. You keep getting burned. You keep getting burned. You know I get it, but it doesn't go away because you can say all right, I won't get hurt with the stove, maybe I'll stick a fork in the socket looking for feeling something, whatever I'm gonna on.
Speaker 1:Some of us have resisted this step because we thought it required us to be religious. Nay, nothing could be further from the truth. There is nothing, absolutely nothing, in the NA or AA program that requires a member to be religious. That requires a member to be religious. The idea that anyone may join us regardless of religion or lack of religion is fiercely defended by our fellowship. Our members strive to be inclusive in this regard and do not tolerate anything that compromises the unconditional right of all addicts to develop their own individual understanding of a power that's greater than themselves. This is a spiritual, not religious, program. That's important to understand the difference between religion and spirituality. I have a huge relationship with God. Now I found that God in AA, oh yeah, and I can go on and on. How God is the greatest. That is my higher power. There are people who have the same relationship with their higher power, that they believe in the love and trust and guidance and care of that higher power, but they call him Buddha or they call him Jesus, they call him Hashem, they call him Allah or they call him higher power, but it's a power that's greater than you. You can't love yourself enough to be good to yourself. That's why you have this problem. It doesn't exist. It doesn't exist. Yeah, I'm gonna continue on.
Speaker 1:The beauty of the second step is revealed when we begin to think about what our higher power can be, because it tells you very specifically that, dude, you could have whatever higher power you want. Like, how much of a rebel do you want to be? Do you want to be? Like there is no, like there is no fucking god. And like, yeah, dude, my god, my higher power, um, the number one, all those other names. I pray to all of them. What the fuck do I care? Um, you know, but my higher power dude, he's not some bearded man up in the sky doing pnl, saying, okay, you, you know, like you. Like I said, you get four fingers, you get five fingers. That doesn't exist for me. I made up my own God, and that's what's nice, because I just did you know, and then I became, uh, willing to have a relationship with that uh God, and it is the guiding. You know, I row, god steers. That's the whole thing. Anyway, I'm going to continue on.
Speaker 1:Okay, we are encouraged to choose a power that is loving, caring and, most importantly, able to restore us to sanity. The second step does not say we came to believe in a power greater than ourselves. It says we came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity. The emphasis is not on who or what this power is, but on what this power can do for us. Is it possible? You don't have all the answers is what you need to be asking yourself. The group itself certainly qualifies as a power greater than ourselves. This is true. So do the spiritual principles contained in the 12 steps, and of course, so does the understanding that any one of our individual members has of a higher power. Wait, yeah, okay, sorry about that.
Speaker 1:As we stay clean and continue to work this step, we discover that, no matter how long our addiction has been gone or how far our insanity has progressed, there is no limit to the ability of a power greater than ourselves to restore us to sanity. We can always change. That's the whole thing. We can always change. All right, turn the page. Turn the page, jesus Christ. Okay, ooh, this one is titled we're still in the same step in the step working guide.
Speaker 1:It says hope, the hope we get from working step two replaces the desperation with which we came into the program, the desperation of whatever you know, whatever you guys are facing your problem. When you're desperate, like I'm willing to do anything, please, like you know. So asking for help and getting help is going to give you some kind of hope. Every time we had followed what we thought would be the path out of our addiction medicine, religion or psych, psych, what is a psychiatry, for instance we found they could. Only that only took us so far. None of these were sufficient enough for us.
Speaker 1:You know, I know people. Medication does wonders, but it's so limited. There are people that I know. I don't know, honestly. I don't know anybody who only just takes medication and is happy. I don't. And I know a lot of people. If that's all they're doing and they're not enlarging their spiritual life, meaning living a life based on principles that will give them actual, real satisfaction, real freedom, they're taking a pill to keep them off the roof. And that's what my wife is saying. For some people that's enough, and I'm like why would that ever be enough to just not be on the roof? A lot of times when you live like that, you're living that life also at the expense of other people. There are other people who love you, who are invested in your life, whether it's your parents, whether it's your children. You know you can't like. It's nice not to lie about being happy. There's freedom in that. Yeah, do-pi-do-pon, okay.
Speaker 1:As we ran out of options and exhausted our resources, we wondered if we'd ever find a solution to our dilemma, if there was anything in the world that worked. In italics, in fact, we may have been slightly suspicious when we first came to NA, wondering if this was just another method that wouldn't work or that wouldn't work well enough for us to make a difference. However, something remarkable occurred to us as we sat in our first few meetings. There were other addicts there who had used drugs, as we had addicts who were now clean. We believed in them. I guess it's like they're talking about identification. So if you're with other people who are struggling with some of the same struggles as you, this is where hope comes from, like, wow, I am not alone. We have that thing that we always speak about terminal uniqueness and that's that. So once you eliminate that say, there are other people. Of course there's other people who've been touched when they were a kid. There are other people who have been down similar roads, who may be one parent household, or whom the dad was whipping on the mom, or the mom spent up all the fucking money, or the mom was a drunk and the dad was an asshole, or they were in foster care, like whatever. The situation is not unique. Whatever it is that you have, whether you hate your parents or whether you hate your kids.
Speaker 1:You know I was working today and I was commenting on this thing. This lady, she's a home health aide. You know, I went and I worked today to clean some couches for this lady. She's only available on Sunday. She's a home health aide that works overnight privately for a guy in Manhattan. It's almost like, I guess, maybe that Kevin Hart movie, but not, I don't know, I didn't see that movie. But client is paralyzed, waist down Right Recently and he's in his 70s and he's in great shape.
Speaker 1:He's a veteran. He owns a construction company, apparently, whatever business he's in that. He's got a bunch of bread and he goes to the gym every day and he's she's like you know this guy, he hits the fucking bag, he does pull-ups, he does all like he's you know, and he's got money and he's got a fucking uh, an asshole, I guess for a son who doesn't come and help him out but just comes by to fucking steal his credit cards and run up that money and whatever all the other home health aides they've all stolen from him. You know he's and I see that a lot, you know, home health, a aid stealing from people, I'm like you fucking animals. You know, I see it a lot.
Speaker 1:When you work inside of people's homes and I've been doing that for a long time you really get to see humanity on a level that is both beautiful and very eye-opening, similar to when you go to these recovery programs. What makes me so naive? Because I see miracles. Every week, a few times a week, I get to see a miracle. I can go see a miracle, a legit what I would believe to be a miracle, meaning like an act of God, like there's no way this fucking guy is going to do this. I get to see that every day if I want, and most people just live in bitter isolation and ruminating thoughts on a fucking ferris wheel that is one bolt barely hanging on that's gonna fly them Into the fucking stratosphere. That's how most people live. They don't even they don't have Access or experience To this stuff. Or maybe they see it online, which I love about.
Speaker 1:You know Instagram and Facebook and whatever social media Dude, you can watch Beautiful cat videos media dude. You can watch beautiful cat videos all the time. Or you can watch fight videos all the time. You can watch these fucking only fan hoes, you know, showing off their fucking clam all the time. Or you can watch, like you know, those those positive, you know good person videos where people are saving each other, all kind of shit. You know what I'm saying. And then you can be that person, either one without the camera, you know, if you go out there and live life so anyway.
Speaker 1:So I was saying to this lady, I was like you know, it's a shame, you know, and the guy, you know I feel bad for the guy because he knows that his kid is a piece of shit. The kid believes his dad is a piece of shit in some ways and there's no redemption. He's just using his dad for the money and the kid is like maybe in his early 40s, the dad early to mid 40s, I think. The lady said the dad's in his 70s. But the dad's over here like just looking for connection. Man, he's chatting with these young fucking birds online in the Philippines and Russia and this and that, and he's sending money every month. And, like you know, she was like there's a young girl in the building that just comes up and spends time with him. Meanwhile he's paralyzed for the waist down. So, bro, there's not enough tea, uh, in fucking London to get this guy's fucking Pecorino up, you know. But whatever.
Speaker 1:And the lady, cause the lady is like in her fifties. She's like when I show up, that young 20 August, she the lady, because the lady is like in her 50s. She's like, when I show up that young 20 august, she like runs out of there. You know, meanwhile, like you know anyway, so you really get to see humanity. You know, and that's what my problem is is that, like I have all this, I'm being like dipped like a fucking cookie into like the milk of life, like every day. And some people are still stuck in the package Like, nah, man, the milk is cold but you know, it makes me. It's a cause of frustration and I'm like, hey, man, you could just come. You know you could be whatever, you could do, whatever you can have, whatever, including what you have. You know, okay, let's keep going. Okay, we knew we could trust them.
Speaker 1:They knew the places we'd been in our addiction, not just using hangouts, not just the geographic locations, but the hangouts of horror and despair our spirits had visited every time we'd used. So every time you break that promise to yourself, where you're? Like when I talk about guilt, shame and remorse, I say it like it's like primary colors are red, yellow, blue, like. I say it like that. But those are fucking heavy words, those are heavy experiences. You know, yeah, every time I ring one of those bells, man, it's just never such a small but huge, important victory. When I don't ring them, you know. When I don't ring them, the know when I don't ring them. The recovering addicts we met in NA knew those places as well as we did, because they had been there themselves.
Speaker 1:It was when we realized that these other members, addicts like ourselves, were staying clean and finding the freedom that most of us first experienced that feeling of hope. Understood, we may have been standing with a group of members after a meeting, we may have been listening to someone share their story, just like our own maybe now wink, wink. Most of us can recall that moment, even years later, and that moment comes to us all. Our hope is renewed throughout our recovery. Each time something new is revealed to us about our disease. The pain of that realization is accompanied by a surge of hope. You know, you have to build that spiritual muscle where you're like I am not going to Lie today, or I'm going to tell the truth today, or I'm going to eat right, or I'm going to wave at a neighbor, I'm going to say hello to strangers today, you know, just turning over that new leaf, you, you know, and you get those little victories and they're, but they're monumental little things, like I said, that one degree of change that we do every day, man, it becomes part of who we are. Because now we're on that trajectory, I keep going.
Speaker 1:Even if we don't feel like we believe in anything, we do believe in the program. We believe that we can be restored to sanity even in the most hopeless times, even in our sickest areas. Our sickest areas, sickest areas, whatever that little dark corner is that you have, you know that you don't tell anybody about and you don't even want to look at, like I shared in the last episode. And I don't know if I didn't want to look at that stuff, I just hadn't. I don't know if I didn't want to look at that stuff, I just hadn't. So I had to say I must not have wanted to really see until I heard what you know I heard, and then I had to take action. I'm happy I did, you know, you know.
Speaker 1:And then the question is what do I have hope about today? You know I have hope about today. You know I have hope that if I'm asking myself personally, I have hope that I can find my way back to a happier place when it comes to I don't know. Yeah, when it comes to more of my relationship with others, you know when I can I have hope that I'm going to relieve. The next corner that I'm turning is to relieve the frustration that I have about people staying where they are.
Speaker 1:You know, I had a friend of mine Now he's a close friend and he's pretty fucking negative and I love him, but he's not negative all the time. But he's been going down a negative path for like the last couple of months and I even tell him I'm like, bro, you're like fucking angry of all time. But he's been going down a negative path for like the last couple of months and I even tell him I'm like, bro, you're like fucking angry. He's like, no, I'm not like, and all this other shit, I'm like dude.
Speaker 1:Finally, he's sending me these texts the other day about some work stuff and I just looked at it and I was like, you know, like he was saying like, oh, I gotta. You know, I gotta do, I gotta do something different, and I was like, yeah, these uh, he was talking about workers Like I gotta get another worker. I'm like, yeah, these workers, this job is temporary. You know, these kinds of jobs, like the kind of jobs that we, that we have, that we provide. They're not like super career jobs, they're very good paying jobs, but it's, you know, yeah, it's hard to make a career out of that being like a worker. So he's like, yeah, I know, and then he just goes on and I'm like, well, if you know, then why are you fucking mad that this situation is now over and you got to get another guy? So you know everything, but yet you're still mad. And he's like, oh, I bought all these shirts and these things, you know all the uniforms for the guy. I was like, yeah, you bought all that stuff, but you know that this is temporary, apparently, according to you, you know. And he just kept going on and on and I just left it alone. I didn't even respond. That's what was nice, I didn't even respond.
Speaker 1:Meanwhile, my wife is the one that she's like showing me and teaching me, so I don't have to participate. I think I get a little bit angry because you know, especially when it comes to my kids, because I'm like dude, you know how you are. I don't know how to not be affected by how you are. I have yet to figure that one out and hopefully I can, because it does affect me and the little bit of time that I spend with them it keeps me negative because I'm just like.
Speaker 1:I have three of them. None of them seem to be happy and I don't want to accept that. They want to be like that. Now, maybe I can set some boundaries, but who the hell wants to set boundaries with their own kids? You know who wants to do that. I can just be the example and just try to teach them maybe some principles Like hey, just so you know how you are doesn't only affect you. And that's what I mean by maybe they're just immature. And that's what I mean by maybe they're just immature, like they don't have experience. And the truth is is that I have an amazing life and that is the only part of my life that gives me a little bit of you know, I don't even know the right word. Yeah, it gives me like a little bit of sorrow if I'm going to say that. But fuck it right, they're going to have to learn. And guess what I'm like, surrendering now that I don't care. Who gives them the message that you should be happy to find out that the problem that you have is actually you and that you can change and your whole life will change. Who knows if they'll ever learn that.
Speaker 1:I don't know what this old man in the wheelchair is searching for or why he surrendered to that life. I don't know why he's enabling the kid. I don't know why he's sending money to these people In my mind right, because the lady's like, oh, he chats with them online. I'm like, dude, that is a fat, fucking, a fat fingered man on a computer in West Africa. That's not a hot Filipino lady. You know, it's just not, but I didn. You know it's just not, but I didn't. You know. Whatever, he's finding something or he's running from something. Subscribe, share, like on all podcast platforms. Hope you guys enjoyed that Bujubantan record. I always have like in my mind a list of songs that I hear during the week. I'm like, oh man, I'm going to play this this weekend just to share with you guys, because I love music and I like to set the tone. So that's it, alright, I love you guys, peace.