The Sober Experience
Recovery and mental health, spirituality and life. We will be sitting down with people in and out of recovery who have helpful tips and shared experiences to provide better love and understanding on this earth. There will be a wide veriaty of topics discussed and after each interview there will be another reflection episode where I can analyze what we spoke of and what sticks to mind.
The Sober Experience
Recovery Remix: Love, Honesty, and Healing As We Conclude Step 1.
Join us as we share personal stories from the 90s and explore how the power of love and self-improvement play pivotal roles in healing. We dive into the nuances of spirituality, from unique interpretations of a higher power to uncovering a sense of community despite our differences. It's a blend of nostalgia, laughter, and deep conversations that will resonate with anyone seeking understanding and connection on their path to recovery.
Honesty is not just a policy—it's a transformative force. Discover how embracing truth, whether confronting addiction or personal impulses, can lead to profound growth. We unpack our own stories and struggles, illustrating how candidness can dismantle self-serving behaviors and pave the way for healing. By being truthful with ourselves and others, we break down barriers to self-awareness and authenticity, ultimately finding freedom in the process. Our candid reflections offer insights into maintaining healthy relationships while managing personal struggles.
If you're ready to embrace change, let's explore the power of open-mindedness and willingness. We discuss how surrendering to a higher power and connecting with others can guide you through life's impulsive moments. From the richness of life free from compulsive behaviors to the importance of community, we emphasize that you're not alone, even loved by those you haven't yet met. Join us as we celebrate healthy love for oneself and others, encouraging you to share these messages with those who might need them.
Welcome back. Sober experience. Hope you guys are doing good. Yeah, rem, if you can see yourself now, baby, it's not my fault. Used to be so in control. You're going to roll right over this wall. Just roll me up or let me go. You're laying blood. Take this as no, no, no, no, no, you bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang. What up? Sober Experience? You guys know the deal. Share, subscribe on all podcast platforms. Let me shut off this. Uh, a speaker? Yeah, that was bang and blame, which sounds like a little bit fucking. Uh, me too.
Speaker 1:No hashtag from the 90s. Yeah, man, that's a great record. I even like dude, I could play that. Um, that instrumental is like so you know, it's so dope. I could like ride through manhattan at night. You know, listening to that shit, that shit is good man, oh man, I miss the 90s, my um, best decade ever. Um, yeah, I remember my boy, this guy, craig man he's. When he used to qualify meetings, he used to say like, um, he used to say that he, what he remembers from the 90s was the, the world trade center, bombing monica lewinsky and rem, that's me in the corner. Yeah and um, yeah, I, bro, I forgot, really honestly, I forgot until this weekend. Um, how uh dope rem was. You know 90s was so good. You had like shit, like that REM. At the same time you had fucking Wu-Tang. You know ODB. Yeah, yeah, man. What a fucking time man. It was a crazy decade, anyway.
Speaker 1:So, hope you guys are catching up on your sobriety, on your recovery, making strides, making changes. You know, asking for help, accepting the help, maybe giving some help if you are. You know, yeah, if you're capable, if you have some experience to share with each other. You know, hope you guys are loving each other. That's always a good thing. You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 1:You don't got to like everybody, but it's like you know one of the things that I was thinking about. You know, with the work that we do on ourselves, the work that we do on ourselves, you know it's not um, and this is a, an idea from somebody else, which is what I, you know what I really need to work on, what I really need help with. It's like it's not important that somebody oh how do you say it's not important that you love me, it's important that I learn to love you. You know I need to learn how to love people. You know that doesn't mean that it's one way traffic or whatever, but it just means that that I have to learn how to love. I had to learn how to love people.
Speaker 1:Love is not, you know, I don't know. Love is, I guess, how you treat somebody. How are you treating yourself? What are you doing with yourself? What are you doing to yourself? You know, what do we talk about all the time?
Speaker 1:Short-term elation, right, those little unearned serotonin bumps, by being just, you know, wrapped up in impulsive behaviors. They call it like RFK called it we're a ball of appetites. You know. It can't get any more true than that, you know. And as long as, like whatever impulsive thing I need, I'm feeling, or that I want to do, that's where the breaks need to come in, that's where the Lord needs to come into my life, you know, and that's just the truth for me.
Speaker 1:Shout out to my boy, otis, and he had his anniversary last night. And it's funny because God was in the room and some of the people up there were talking about that. They don't believe in God, but they were just basically describing God, you know, and I was saying to myself like bro, like it's okay, I mean, I don't mind that. Listen everybody and they, you know, the Otis's sponsor was like I'm a? What'd? He say, I'm a godless fuck, and then went on to describe a higher power. He just doesn't believe in a god that somebody else told him about. You know, meanwhile, you could just have your own god, you know, and I guess you know or not, you could just have a higher power and you can just call it your higher power. For me, god is not a four-'s, not a four-letter word dog, god and dog. How about? Yeah, god and dog? Right, but yeah, yeah, it's not a four-letter word for me, you know, and it's okay if other people don't. You know, because I to what I learned, which is that my higher power, I just call him God and that's it. Sometimes I call him the Lord, sometimes I call him the king. My God has gender. Your God doesn't have to have gender. Your higher power doesn't have to have anything. My God is not up there doing PNL Like, okay, you get fucking 10 fingers, you get eight.
Speaker 1:You know that's not the way that my higher power works. My higher power works Is that, like yo, he gave. If he gave you fucking eight fingers, bro, that means he made you a teacher for other people who have eight fingers, like, dude, I got eight fingers but I got a big fucking wiener. No, I don't know. But like I got eight fingers. And uh, I'm not the only one. And if I see somebody else with eight fingers, guess what, you're not the only one. And then me and you can make community if I hate that fucking word because that's like a whole, like woke, bullshit word but we can have a relationship of eight fingered motherfuckers. You know, I'm saying, and that's nice, and you're not alone, and I'm not alone, and that would be the purpose of me having eight fucking fingers, not like, oh, my god, I have fucking eight fingers. You know this guy, why did he only give me eight? He gave you eight because there's other people with eight. Jerk off.
Speaker 1:Anyway, enough of the fucking judgment rant. You know I get into that stuff sometimes. You know he gave each one of us different experiences, some good, some great. Everybody has had bad experiences. And if we take those bad experiences, whether they are from circumstances beyond our control, whether we realize that we put ourselves in situations where bad things can happen, you know, yeah, there's a reason for that. And it's not like, oh, somebody gets all the cash and prizes, like, whatever it's like.
Speaker 1:You ever hear these um, these people who grew up in extreme I wouldn't say extreme poverty, poverty by america's standards? Oh, I love rap music and if you hear interviews of people, um who, let's say, they come from the projects Largest projects in America, the Queensbridge housing projects, unbelievable talent that has come, it's basically like a small city, right, they will all say I wouldn't. I have heard from many of them that they didn't even realize that they were poor because they had what they had and they had each other and they had shit and they you know what I'm saying and that's what it is. It's like who you are is a state of mind. You can have it all. You can have it all. Right, my empire, what is it my empire? Yeah, the whole dirt. You know you could have it all and it would be that to you. You know what I'm saying. It's about perspective. It's about how do you want to spend your time. That's what it's about. You know, we're not all guaranteed to grow old together.
Speaker 1:There's been a lot of shout outs to my brother, hugo, who we lost a couple months ago in my home group. Man a lot and he meant a lot to these people and I'm like, and I'm like, dude, I love hugo and I love him forever. You know I'm saying I loved, I knew that I knew him longer than anybody there. I've known that guy for a very long time. They just got to know him because he just started coming around, but you know, he was on my side of town for a long time over there b Benson, herpes and yeah, and he's a beautiful man and he's a beautiful soul and he's dearly missed. And I can name 15 or 20 other Hugos that I've known through my whole time being in recovery, where you get to meet people and you get to love people and people get to love you in a way that you've been yearning and dying for your whole life. Finally, you get to matter to people who understand you, not to people who do not understand you, and then they don't respect the disease that we have.
Speaker 1:What does McNulty say? You play in the dirt, you get dirty, and that's what happens. And I believe that, including my own family members, specifically my own sister, that I believe that the higher power, which is the infinite love and acceptance on this earth, in this universe, that energy to me, is God. That God will say I don't know how many boats I'm supposed to send you. You don't want to get in the boat? No problem, fine Enough.
Speaker 1:It's like I was talking to my boy, hiram, today, who I grew up with, who I fucking love so much, and he's in recovery and, um, he's been sober a long time too. He's got but jeez, fucking 15 years maybe. Fucking guy. You know he's living life on life's terms. But I was saying, yo, like the fighter, does not throw in the towel ever. It's the fucking cornerman, it's the manager, it's somebody who's looking out for the fighter. That's who throws in the towel. So sometimes I believe the Lord is gonna throw in the towel for you and say enough. Not only are you in a position where you're hurting yourself, which you can tolerate, apparently Apparently but we need to give everybody who loves you A good night's sleep. So you're gonna, I'm gonna, throw in the towel, you're gonna come here with me now, and that's just what I believe. You know In my core. I believe you know in my core. I believe that you know and I believe that you don't have to believe that it makes it. It's okay, it's true to me. That's the wonderful thing about this life. You can believe whatever you want. You don't have to be in recovery to have your own higher power or your own god.
Speaker 1:I was listening when I was listening to otis's sponsor, who was incredible, you know he's obviously, you know he's been sober a long time, funny guy, whatever and um, he was saying what was he saying? He said something like oh that, you know, he doesn't say the Lord's Prayer because he believes that's a Catholic prayer, christian prayer, which it is, and that's a Catholic prayer, christian prayer, which it is, and that's okay. You know, because our program is non-religious and for me, I know that, okay, if that prayer came from Catholicism, what do I care. I'm saying that prayer to my higher power, I'm not saying it to Jesus Christ. Those are just words to me, and if they're more than words to somebody else, great in a positive way. If they're more than words to somebody else, in a negative way, that means that they don't have A God of their own understanding, which is what is underlined in our literature. You know, I don't get offended by something that I don't believe in and this is no swipe at him, the guy you know. He's got his self together. He seems to be a happy guy, you know, and he seems to be living a good life. So I'm not judging his program in any way. I'm just saying he has a perspective that many other people share and I have my own perspective, because what is the truth?
Speaker 1:The truth is that all of these prayers, they're all fucking man made. All of them. Somebody wrote them, you know, somebody wrote them. All the prayers that are in the recovery literature, somebody literally made them up. So a lot of them, bill W, bill Wilson, he made, he fucking made them up, like this guy who was part of a collective group of desperate geniuses who, you know, put this program together and it sprung out of this other stuff, the oxford group or whatever you know. If you want to get all historical, this is like my last, like few minute yap and then we'll get back into the step work, but yeah, it's all fucking made up. So there's that, you know. But the guy I was very impressed that his name was Mark from he said but fuck Vermont. So I was just happy, I'm happy that any person who's been sober a long time and has a life that they are enjoying, that they are happy with that, is real recovery.
Speaker 1:If you don't have that it's fine, but that's what you need to be working towards. And how do you work towards that? One day at a time, one decision at a time, guided by spiritual principles which you learn by doing the steps. Learn by doing the steps. Or you just learn by recognizing that you don't have all the answers and that you know, yeah, and that other people will love you and help you, and that you, on your own, making your own decisions 100 by yourself that's you actually playing god in your own. Making your own decisions, 100% by yourself, that's you actually playing God In your own life. That's what that is. All you non-believers.
Speaker 1:Alright, let's get this show on the road. Pal Alright, where are we at? Spiritual principles? Look at what the fuck I'm talking about. Mo Alright, hang on, let me get myself a little bit comfortable here. One of these days I'm going to get like a studio or something, but I actually enjoy recording here Spiritual principles. Let's see how many pages this thing is.
Speaker 1:Oh, look, bro, we're going to finish step one today. Pals, all, right, uh, and the first step. We will focus on honesty, open-mindedness, willingness, humility and acceptance. Bro, those sound like motherfucking death star to any self-serving, self-seeking, alcoholic addict, fucking junkie, needy person. They sound like a kryptonite or whatever he's like. No way Are you talking. Honesty, open-mindedness, open-mindedness, is it possible? I don't have all of the information. Is it possible that I am wrong, brother, brother, brother, brother.
Speaker 1:Anyway, the practice of the principle of honesty, from the first step, starts with admitting the truth about our addiction, whatever it may be. What is the truth about my addiction? The truth about our addiction, whatever it may be, what is the truth about my addiction? And continues with the practice of honesty on a daily basis. So what is the truth about my addiction?
Speaker 1:My addiction is manifesting itself in different ways. You know, I happen to be in pretty good shape at the moment spiritually, mentally, emotionally. I'm okay, but I wouldn't say I'm addicted to this one thing. But I have a tendency to coast and to let things crumble a little bit at a time and it gives me anxiety. And that anxiety, as much as I don't like it, it's familiar to me. It's like dude, when everything is okay, that's when I'm in deep shit, when I'm in a rut. Brother, I told you guys, in a rut I can sit down and decorate. That's my style. I love being in a rut. You know, apparently by the actions that I take. That's what it seems to be. You know what I mean. Okay, let's continue on.
Speaker 1:When I say I'm an addict in a meeting, it may be the first truly honest thing I've said in a long time. It may be one of the only honest things I will say in that day, once I understand what an addict is and I'm saying that like what an alcoholic is, what a food addict is, what a sex addict is, what a relationship addict is. I was talking to my wife. I was like dude, my son has all these beautiful things about him that I do not identify with. He's like they call them serial monogamy, and I'm like Bitches need to be running wild, you know, all the way Until you get to the big show, you know, until you get that fucking Halley's Comet. You know I always say Like my wife coming into my life Is the younger, driest, driest comet theory Impact zone and it affected everything else and every woman that came before that. They just wasn't the one, and also because I was, you know, more importantly, they just wasn't the one, and that's okay, guess what. They just wasn't the one, and that's okay, guess what. I wasn't the one for them either. So where was I saying, okay, blah, blah, blah?
Speaker 1:Maybe the first honest thing I've said in a long time, when we begin to be able to be honest with ourselves and, consequently, with other people? If I've been thinking about using or acting out on my addiction in some other way, have I shared it with my sponsor or told anybody else? Yeah, yeah, I haven't really had any impulses. You know, I said I've been staying away from, you know, the porn as best I can, that kind of stuff, because I, you know, I find myself to be it just it's on, it's maybe satisfying but unrewarding. And I was vacillating between these two areas where, like, okay, so if I wasn't watching porn, then whatever was going on in my mind during the fucking pleasure principle, I was like dude, I'm a sick motherfucker man, motherfucker man.
Speaker 1:So I was saying what's worse, me going on my phone for 10 minutes looking up some shit, or the darkest corners of my, you know, my little fucking Pandora's box, you know, and that's something that I have to explore Because either way it doesn't bring me closer to my wife. Does it bring me further away? No, but I'm not as close when I don't do that, and you know, I'm down to have a healthy appreciation and sex life with my partner. Appreciation and sex life with my partner, and she is a motherfucking 12. And I'm not lying, and she walks in the fucking street.
Speaker 1:When I see her, I think it's like you know, billie Jean, step on the square. You know the fucking, yeah, the whole shit lights, my whole shit lights up, and that is against my will. You know, I'm never not happy to see her, ever. I'm never like yo, fuck this bitch. Or like you know, honestly, I swear to God, it's been a long time since I've actually even thought that, and I mean a long time. Never like oh, fuck this bitch. Or like you know, honestly, I swear to God, it's been a long time since I've actually even thought that. And I mean a long time, I mean like years, many, many. You know, which is cool for me.
Speaker 1:Okay, have I stayed in touch with reality of my disease? Yes, no matter how long I've had freedom from active addiction, absolutely. I stay in touch, because I see motherfuckers suffering and people calling me, asking me for help and whatever, and I'm talking them through stuff and I'm giving them ideas that are not even my own. I'm just transmitting my own experience, if I have in that area, or shining a light on where some of these motherfuckers are pulling matches out the drawer trying to light fire on their own sobriety.
Speaker 1:You know, when you relapse it's not about you know, picking up the drink and dying is like nothing. I heard that too. It's like the first thing that dies is your spirit. When you drink, when you do drugs, or when you impulsively start eating or start whatevering shopping, spending, porning you know, yeah, the first thing that dies a little bit, you're taking a swipe at your own spirit. You know that little light that's inside of you. You're like you're giving it a little bit of a thing. It may not blow all the way out, but that's what I, that's what happens to me. So I be mindful of that in myself and I'm, you know, in, involved in my life where I'm helping other people and I'm seeing it in them, and not with judgment, but with like, yeah, motherfucker, me too. You know no hashtag, yeah, that's right.
Speaker 1:Freedom is what happens when I'm not actively, impulsively stroking my ego or any of that stuff, because that's one of my drugs of choice is my ego. How can I feel superior or apart from Even less, than obviously I love a little self-pity with some fucking sprinkles on top. Have I noticed that now that I don't have to cover up my addiction, I no longer need to lie like I did? No, because sometimes lying is like an impulsive thing, you know, embellishing. I don't really lie.
Speaker 1:Lying is like when I tell a lie in my mind. I'm like motherfucker, you are lying right now, bitch, you are lying, yeah, when I don't have to, and I want to be the person that doesn't lie. Nobody else knows if I'm lying, like the people in my life who lie to me. It's so obvious that I'm like Jesus, you are missing out on what it feels like, to be honest, to the point that when you speak you are like a mumbling, bumbling thing, yeah, and it looks like fucking Donald Duck. You know, that's what it looks like. It looks ridiculous, you know, but I don't even judge. I'm like, oh, you're not there yet, and then I just take whatever they say with a grain of salt when I can.
Speaker 1:But I also, you know, we're talking about me, so I can feel that like I can feel that you know, welling up inside of me that, oh, I need to, I need to impress somebody, I need to. You know, how can I, how can I belong, how can I be? They're telling funny stories. I'm fucking funny. You know, they can laugh too. I can laugh too when I can just participate and not be involved. You know, yeah, food for thought. Okay, do I appreciate the freedom that goes along with that? You know, yeah, food for thought. Okay, do I appreciate the freedom that goes along with that? What did we just speak about? Yes, that's the gold man. That's the gold.
Speaker 1:In what ways have I begun to be honest in my recovery? You know, being honest about who I am and being honest about what I am and what my tendencies are and why I have to do all this work. That's it. You know, that's how I began to be honest. Okay, keep going.
Speaker 1:Practicing the principle of open-mindedness found in step one mostly involves being ready to believe that there might be another way to live and being willing to try that way, one moment at a time, like not when everything is going good, it's like, oh, you're faced with that moment where you're going to reach for whatever that hammer is that you are going to beat yourself in the face with. You know, when you go to reach for that and you're like no, I, I know where this goes and you can't help yourself, man. It's fucking crazy. You cannot help yourself.
Speaker 1:That's when higher power comes in, yep, so that's where the higher power comes in, that's where the love comes in, that's where you can tap in with us, that's where you can, you know, in, that's where the love comes in, that's where you can tap in with us, that's where you can find other people who are like you. And if you can't find them, you can find me. I am like you. And then I can say hey, look, we just got to let this moment, this impulsive moment, pass. It'll come when things are going great. It'll come when things are going bad. It'll come when things are going great. It'll come when things are going bad. It'll come when nothing is happening. You know, we got to be in motion, constant motion. Okay, here we go, willing to try that way. It doesn't matter that we can't see every detail of what that way might be, or that it may be totally unlike anything we've ever heard about before. What matters is that we don't limit ourselves or our thinking.
Speaker 1:Sometimes we may hear NA members saying things that sound totally crazy to us, things like surrender to win. Oh, my God, put the bat down. Surrender, wow, man. Surrender to win, that's an oldie but goodie. Or suggestions to pray for someone we resent. We'll get into that on another date.
Speaker 1:I can go on another tangent, but I really want to finish this chapter. We demonstrate open-mindedness when we don't reject these things without having tried them. Dude, I don't lose anything by trying something else. I took my wife to the doctor today, right. Lose anything by trying something else? I took my wife to the doctor today, right. And she all, like my wife, has like this autoimmune thing. It's lupus, it's maybe it's something else. Anyway, she had a flare up first time in like fucking 10 years dog. So she's going on her own will about this, that, whatever. And I'm like watching, and then I step in. I'm like listen, I don't know everything, but sometimes like she slaps me out of my own insanity and I have to do the same, like look, we have these other doctors in pocket in play that are friendly with our family. We've built relationships with people. We can just ring the bell.
Speaker 1:Bell, I hit up, bang, bam. Where can we go to get an mri? Where can we go for rheumatology? Where can we boom, boom, boom. So we set up these appointments anyway. So point is she goes to one rheumatologist appointment this week and then another one opened up today at fucking columbia, uptown, baby right. So she's like, yeah, I already went to one. I was like, yeah, but we're gonna go to baby Right. So she's like, yeah, I already went to one. I was like, yeah, but we're going to go to this other one too. And she's like it's eight in the morning. She's like they're like, ok, yeah, we're going to go. And then we're going.
Speaker 1:She's like this might be a waste. I was like it's never a fucking waste. It's never a waste. Maybe they're either going to confirm what the other place says or they can be like, hey, maybe it might be this. You know, you get different perspectives. So it's never a fucking waste and that's what this whole life is about, you know, and I don't care that. She's like, oh, what if insurance doesn't cover two visits? Well, guess what? You know? I'm saying mr magoo, the jew is gonna plunk down a mullucking Amex card and we're going to pay, because that's how we roll. This is why we live the life we live, so that there are no limitations. That's it. Health is wealth, straight up. All right, let's keep going, boom, yeah. So open-mindedness, right.
Speaker 1:What have I heard in recovery that I have trouble believing? I don't really have that now, but you can ask yourself that question. I've seen it and I believe it. I believe all the good and all the bad. I believe that all of it. I've seen it, experience. You know. Have I asked my sponsor or the person I heard say to explain it to me? That's a good idea? Yeah, like if some, if you hear something like dude, I don't fucking like that, I don't like that. He said that you can ask him hey, look, what did you mean? Or what does that mean to you know? Similar to like me being in a peanut gallery talking about the people at yesterday's meeting. You know they reject something that nobody's asking them to believe in. Put that in your fucking pipe and smoke it, because it wasn't just this guy, it was the other celebrant. Same thing, meanwhile, otis believes in God because he always says Godspeed, whatever that fucking means. And when I greet him and I say God bless you, he's like warmly hugs me. He says thank you. Same to you. Love that guy. He's too handsome for his own fucking good, though.
Speaker 1:Anyway, continuing on the principle of willingness contained in the first step can be practiced in a variety of ways. When we first begin to think about recovery, many of us either don't really believe it's possible for us or just don't understand how it will work. But we go ahead with the first step anyway. Recovery from anything. Recovery means that you have been injured in some way, mostly by yourself, or partly because of you, or partly because there was a circumstance and you made wrong choices and made that circumstance worse. Accountability that's what that's about, you know. I mean, yeah, we go ahead with it anyway. That's and that's our first experience with willingness. Taking any action that will help our recovery shows willingness, of course, even if it means doing nothing in the face of peril, because if you have a history of making poor choices in the moment, sometimes doing nothing is the right thing. And then going and ask for help, going to meetings early and staying late, helping set up meetings, getting other NA members' phone numbers and calling them yeah, building a community All of that is supremely helpful.
Speaker 1:I've never seen anybody stay clean or stay sober or stay abstinent from any kind of affliction or addiction on their own and be motherfucking happy. That's my experience. I've never seen it, not once they're miserable. They're miserable straight up. Okay, keep going. Am I willing to follow my sponsor's direction? Yeah, not instruction, but directions, like, hey, we're going this way. Am I willing to go to meetings regularly? Yes, obviously. Am I willing to give recovery my best effort? In what ways? Just being honest with myself and with other people, and recovery is a whole way of life for me. It's not just about drugs and alcohol. I'm recovering from what they call an AA, a hopeless state of mind and body. I don't like that hopelessness. There's a whole other life for me. Okay, we're almost done. Damn, we're at the 38 fucking minute mark. I need to stop babbling. All right, let's go.
Speaker 1:The principle of humility, so central to the first step, is expressed most purely in our surrender. Humility is most easily identified as an acceptance of who we truly are neither worse nor better than we believed we were when we were using Just human. You can give yourself a break. There's this guy, joe, he sounded like Elmer Fudd when he used to talk, and I love the guy and he said just give yourself a little break. Okay, you know that's what he said. Just give yourself a little break, but don't let yourself off the hook. That's the other thing you give yourself a break. Don't let yourself off the hook.
Speaker 1:Do I believe that I'm a monster who has poisoned the whole world with my addiction? No, do I believe that my addiction is utterly inconsequential to the larger society around me? That is also no. There are consequences, I I think, or something in between, something in between. Wow, these questions are pretty serious.
Speaker 1:Man, as I explained, I've never gone through this, um, these step working guides in na. I am an aa member. I do uh infrequently attend na meetings. I love this na literature, but I hate the NA meetings. So I go to AA meetings and I've done all the step work and all the stuff in AA. I'm doing them for the first time with you guys now. Okay, something in between. That's a good question. Yeah, yeah, I'm not everything, but I'm not nothing, and part of everything that I do has an effect on everybody around me. Do I have a sense of my relative importance within my cycle of family and friends? Yes, and in society as a whole? Yeah, you know, I try to give um people uh the right, uh a good experience when they're around me. That's my role. And how am I practicing the principle of humility and connection with this work on the first step, realizing that as long as I've been sober and as long as I've been clean, that I don't fucking know everything and some of these questions are brand new to me. And it can't be more humble bumble than that. Okay, let's finish up To practice a principle of acceptance.
Speaker 1:We must do more than merely admit that we're addicts. We must accept our addiction. We must feel a profound interchange that is underscored by a rising sense of hope you are not alone. We also begin to feel a sense of peace that you are not alone. We also begin to feel a sense of peace that you are not alone. We come to terms with our addiction, with our recovery and with the meaning of these. Two realities will come into our lives yeah, that you are not alone and that you can help somebody else. Those are the two realities. We don't dread a future of meeting, acceptance, sponsor contact or step work. Instead, we begin to see recovery as a precious gift. That's right. It's an opportunity to change your life and the work connected with it is no more trouble than other routines of life. This is true.
Speaker 1:Have I made peace with the fact that I'm an addict? Absolutely. Have I made peace with the things I'll have to do to stay clean. A little bit at a time, I've surrendered to this way of life, one thing at a time, one area of my life at a time, one moment of you know, falling short I guess at a time. How is acceptance of my disease necessary for my continued recovery? The fact that I will never, ever be cured? And that's okay, I'm still happy, and I'll never be fucking cured. It keeps things interesting. Absolutely Okay.
Speaker 1:Moving on, as we get ready to go on to step two, we probably find ourselves wondering if we've worked step one well enough. Oh, this is like a fucking recap. Uh, we are sure it's. Are we sure it's time to move on? Have we spent as much time as others have spent on this step? Have we truly gained an understanding of this step? Many of us have found it helpful to write about our understanding of each step as we prepare to move on. How do I know it's time to move on? I'm ready. Uh, what is my understanding of step one? Okay, that's a good one. Uh, yeah, as we work through that this whole time, man, this is probably like four episodes deep this thing. Uh, how was my spot? How was my prior knowledge and experience affected my work on this step. Ah, I can start babbling about that. I've worked step one.
Speaker 1:You know I'm powerless over people, places and things. I'm powerless over how other people receive my advice that I try to share with them. I had this weird interaction with this person at a meeting and she's fucking lovely. She's a young kid, probably like one of my kids' age, and you know, she was asking me yesterday even about like making an amends to somebody or whatever, that she used to work in this restaurant, that kind of thing. And I feel like weird because like I don't want to. You know, I don't fuck it. What the fuck do I know, I just know what I did and I was like, hey, she's like. I was like maybe you should. She's like maybe I should ask my sponsor. I said, yeah, I said, but if you're asking my opinion, this is what I think. And I gave her a little bit about what I think.
Speaker 1:And sometimes I don't know when, because these people they're all young and young people they're fucking awkward dog. They're awkward even the way that we start and finish converse, that I start and finish conversations with them. I'm like dude, am I talking too long? Or are they like weirded out that like I look, you know, eyes on eyes and I just speak honestly and directly. I don don't know.
Speaker 1:Anyway, whatever, okay, we've come to a place where we see the results of our old way of life and accept that a new way is called for. That's important. Wherever you are suffering, you need to be honest about what's going on and there's a new way that you need to find. Whatever way that is, but we probably don't yet see how rich with possibilities the life of recovery is. Yeah, you've yet to see the results. You're getting a little bit of relief by understanding what's going on, but you're going to get some results going forward. That is the truth.
Speaker 1:If you're willing to do the work and change your life, you will. Will guarantee it. I fucking, I would bet your life on it. I guarantee it. You know, when you see me, you can ask me. It may be enough to just have freedom from active addiction right now, but we will soon find that the void we've been filling with drugs or other obsessive and compulsive behaviors begs to be filled. Switching seats on the Titanic that's what that's called After a while. You know what I'm saying. They say the monkey's off your back, but the circus is always in town, but the circus is always in town, straight up, working. The rest of these steps will fill that void.
Speaker 1:Next on our journey toward recovery is step two Beautiful, don't forget you are not alone. And not only are you not alone, you are loved by people you have yet to meet and by some of the people that you know, and your job, like my job, is to learn how to love them in whatever way is healthiest for you and for them, because if you're showing up unhealthy Because you're trying to love them too much in your way, that doesn't serve anybody or anything. Subscribe on all podcast platforms Spotify Everywhere, spotify Everywhere. Spotify, apple, google YouTube channel, the Sober Experience. Share with people that you love, share with people that you think could fucking use some help, and I'll see you guys on campus. I love you, peace.