The Sober Experience
Recovery and mental health, spirituality and life. We will be sitting down with people in and out of recovery who have helpful tips and shared experiences to provide better love and understanding on this earth. There will be a wide veriaty of topics discussed and after each interview there will be another reflection episode where I can analyze what we spoke of and what sticks to mind.
The Sober Experience
Sober Decisions Through the Storms
In this heartfelt episode of The Sober Experience, I open up about my recent journey through physical pain, emotional loss, and the triumphs that come with sobriety. From overcoming sciatica pain to navigating the bittersweet moment of my middle child passing their EMT exam, this episode is packed with personal reflections and the humorous yet challenging aspects of adult responsibilities.
Ever found yourself grappling with family tensions and miscommunication? I recount a vivid graduation day filled with unexpected drug use among attendees, bringing about a crucial conversation on parenting with sensitivity and directness. Discover the complexities of guiding children through tough topics and maintaining open communication within the family. With a mix of concern, humor, and raw honesty, I aim to shine a light on the inevitable conflicts and resolutions that come with family life.
Feeling the strain of financial burdens and miscommunication in your household? I share a candid exchange with my wife over financial transparency, exploring the emotional toll of being the family's safety net. Listen as I reflect on conflicting parenting messages, the challenges of living with unresolved anger, and the importance of principles and recovery in maintaining sanity and commitment. Join me for an unfiltered look at the real-world implications of parenting, personal growth, and sobriety—sprinkled with wisdom, faith, and moments of unexpected intimacy.
Hello and welcome to the Sober Experience, formerly known as the Spiritual Experience, where we share stories of overcoming problematic situations in life through triumph and working together, as well as recovery topics and all other forms of spirituality, self-help and the like. I'm your host, jay Lewis, and here we go. What up everybody? Welcome back Sober experience. Chilling on a Sunday Mm-mm-mm-mm. Yup yup. Happy birthday America. What a beautiful record. Yeah, what's up everybody? I hope you guys are doing well. Welcome back Sober Experience. Don't forget to like and subscribe on all podcast platforms. As I adjust the microphone to my face. Yeah, I hope you guys are doing well.
Speaker 1:It's been a couple of weeks. I took a week off, you know. A lot of stuff was going on. I was a little busy, needed a little break, but we're back at it. Yeah, man, today's a Sunday.
Speaker 1:It's a little bit of like a weird fishy day. I've been back in the gym Sciatica pain, everything is gone. I bit of a like a weird fishy day. I've been back in the gym sciatica pain, everything is gone. I did all the right things, apparently, and now the last right thing that I need to do is really just take my time. As far as um, you know, not going too crazy when I go back into the gym, yeah, man. So there's that, you know, I mean there's that. So, um, yeah, the last few days have been pretty consistent and, um, yeah, I'm feeling whatever you know what I'm saying Like I don't like to really speak back-to-back in the same place and I really appreciate the. You know, I don't want to call it the recognition, but I appreciate the thought. Man, people are like, oh, you know, meanwhile, the truth is, is it that, you know, I've been, I've been clean and sober for a long time. So things that I learned in my, whatever things that I learned in my 10th year somebody with one year, they don't know yet. So it sounds like, uh, wisdom, but the truth is it's not wisdom, it's's just experience, and experience in practicing these principles and these guidelines and this stuff, practicing all of it on a daily basis. Man, life just comes at you and you deal with it as best you can and you do the best you can. You know what I'm saying. It's wild, I think. So. The last time I spoke to you guys was when Hugo passed away. That was a couple weeks ago. Yeah, I miss him already, but he's in a better place, man. He's in a better place and I'm happy he's okay. Now, you know he's okay.
Speaker 1:It's not easy putting this shit together, you know, not at all. You know I was talking with one of my kids, the middle one, because they passed their EMT exam. And, yeah, the middle one Because they passed their EMT exam. And yeah, they passed it the same day that I went to the wake for Hugo and yeah, so now they have to.
Speaker 1:It's so funny, like when you're, when you're a young person, you really don't know, like adult, like PEMDAS, you know, which is For those of you who are young. Order of Operations PEMDAS. You know parentheses, exponents, multiplication, division, addition, subtraction, right. So they're applying for this EMT job at a private place and whatever. So the place is in like New Jersey and it's far away. It's like an hour and a half two hour commute each way, and so I'm like, okay, they're like yo and it's so funny because I told them, you know that if they got their license or when they did, I tell my kids this shit when they're like young, and then it's almost like I got to be a man of my word, because if I tell a kid when they're like 11 or 12, like, listen, you get your license, I'll get you a car, which is a nice thing. All of a sudden they're 24 and they're like yo, I just got my license and I'm like fuck, guess I? I guess I'm on the hook for a car that I promised fucking 10 years ago, which is a whatever you know. But they all come with the cars, come with uh conditions anyway.
Speaker 1:So point is they're saying to me they like listen, I know that you said that you would get me a car after I got a job and that kind of stuff. And I was like, yeah, like well, this job is very far away and so I would need the car to get the job. And I, you know the, the, the adult thing and the sober thing is to just listen to the absurdity of that and then not say anything, instinctively, to be like what are you? What are you a moron? It's not the way it works. But I said I listened to them and I just stayed there quiet, instinctively, to be like what are you? What are you a moron? It's not the way it works. But I said I listened to them and I just stayed there quiet and I don't know, I hopefully I can really continue to work on my poker face Because, like, I almost like started like really laughing Come on, man.
Speaker 1:I said, first things first is you have to get the job. You might not even get that job. And I said, what's a commute like? They're like, oh, it's in Jersey, but they're offering whatever. I think it was like $27 an hour or something, where all the other local ones are offering $22. So I'm like, okay, you know offering $22 versus $27, like, okay, you know offering 22, verse 27. So it's an extra five an hour, right, which, uh, yeah, whatever, I don't have to do that much adult math. But like they don't, you know I had to break it down to fit them. I said, first things first is that, like you know, you get the job and you are not ready to drive from Brooklyn through Staten Island to New Jersey. I've been in the car with you. You are not ready for that. That's a lot of thing. That's a highway, that's a whole lot of stuff.
Speaker 1:You know, they get very, you know, I guess they get a little bit overexcited and they're a little. They're immature, you know, because of just, they were raised during a different time, at a different time, by different people. You know, again, I already knew how to drive when I was like 13 or 14, not at minimum 13, 12 or 13, I'd like knew how to drive. You know I get around town, but you guys heard all them stories. So, uh, the point is this, you know.
Speaker 1:So I'm like no, listen, here's the deal. You got to get the job Number one, number two, you do the commute. And while you're doing the commute whether it's 30 days or 60 days, whatever it is um, we keep practicing driving until I feel like, okay, you, you can go. You know, they can't even, they're not even ready to get on the highway yet they, they can't, you know. So I'm like dude, you can't ask for a car if you're not even ready to get on the highway comfortably, you know. But I was like that's, you know basically what I said. I was like okay. So in the next day we're like, you know, I'm like boom, we start driving, we start driving, we start driving right, and they're doing pretty good.
Speaker 1:Actually I throw them in a little bit of the fire. They had to follow me from park slope all the way down to my shop, which is by the navy yard. It's a couple of miles, maybe like four or five, but it's like five brooklyn miles with, like going up atlantic avenue, flatbush avenue, like it's. It's a lot of shit, bikes everywhere, delivery people, double parked, fucking, all kind of shit and they did it. They made it no highway, but they made it anyway.
Speaker 1:So I'm talking with them and I'm like, well, what's the? I said what are the requirements? You know whatever. And they were saying that you know they have to pass a drug test. I was like, okay, I was like what are they, uh, testing for? And they said it was a typical nine panel test. And, um, yeah, I was like, okay, so what does that mean?
Speaker 1:They're like pot, everything from pot to like amphetamines. I was like, oh, when was the last time you smoked pot? You know smoke weed? They were like four days ago I was. I was like yo, you can't even pass the drug test and you're fucking putting a car on the table. You know what I'm saying. Like that's how backwards youth is, youth meaning just inexperience, not age. Like dude, you got so far to go before you know you can't put the cart before the horse. Yeah, you got so far to go before a set of keys gets dropped in your fucking hands. You got a long way to go, you know, but it's okay. It's okay, you know, stay in the thing.
Speaker 1:Because I asked him About the drug use stuff. Because, you know, here's the thing, you know, the, I think I, the day that, the day that, yeah, the day that they showed up to the graduation now I'm getting all Biden, now I was just like pouring some seltzer and some ice yeah, the day they showed up to the graduation, you know, they had like, straight up, like jerked up cocaine face, you know, and it was wild. I was like and I was enjoying it, for initially I was enjoying it and you know, yeah, I was like Jesus Christ man who the, you know, and I texted my wife and I was like yo, you know, this person looks like they're on cocaine or some kind of amphetamine. I always say cocaine because I don't know what somebody who looks like speed is on, because I'm from fucking New York and the only people doing speed ever is like gay people over here, ever is like gay people over here. So at the graduation, when they're all jerked up, you know, I text my wife. I'm like yo, they're all jerked up either way. My wife is like yeah, I saw them for a few days like that. I'm like, okay, no problem, no problem.
Speaker 1:Uh, I found it bizarre but I, you know, I just I enjoyed the whole thing because, like, who the hell wants to be sitting in the fucking heat, cocained out or, you know, yeah, gleeked out at a fucking graduation? That's punishment and torture enough. I'm not going to fucking, you know, I'm not going to fuck up the whole thing, you know. So I didn't, and whatever, and I watched them push food around the plate because they couldn't eat it and all this other stuff anyway. So that's why I asked some questions about the drug stuff, the drug test for these fucking jobs, because I'm like dude, if you, you know, but they, here's the thing. It's like they, you know, they passed the test same day as a graduation, so I get it, maybe they wanted to do a little turn up and that's fine.
Speaker 1:So what happened was like I ended up getting to an argument with my wife a few days later because, because I asked him, I said, do you want me to talk to them about that? You know, because it's very obvious to me, you know, as a, as a drug addict, alcoholic, junkie, loser, like bro, it'd be very tough for somebody to be even around me without me noticing something's wrong Not maybe instantaneously, but like if I pay attention I'm like, oh, you know, this person's either medicated or whatever. So my wife was like like. She was like no, because she don't.
Speaker 1:My wife don't like the way that I, how direct I am with the kids, and the thing is like maybe I'm too, too direct, but I don't give a shit, bro, that's how fucking people are with me, you know, and it's out of love. And I'm not saying you're a fucking idiot. Like I said, with the car and the whole horse before the cart thing, whatever cart, before the horse. I was like listen, there are steps, here's the step. We do this step, then we do this step, then we do that. Like you know what I'm saying, instead of being like what are you a fucking idiot? Because that's the way my dad would have spoke to me. He would have been like yeah, that's fucking stupid and you're stupid Now and kick rocks or whatever you know.
Speaker 1:So because what happened was like I asked my wife if she spoke to them about it, because she didn't want me to speak and she was like no, not. Yet I was like how do you not talk to them about that stuff, you know. But the thing is is like then I also have to be patient because, you know, everybody does things at their own pace and at their own time. You know, and that's the part of being in a partnership and part of being on Earth is I can't just control everybody's timeline. You know, my wife has a lot on her plate. She's going to school, she's doing whatever. Whatever's on her plate is a lot. I don't know, actually, all of it, and it's a good thing that I don't know everything, because I don't. What the fuck do I? What am I? What do you want me to do? You know everybody, you got to eat your own meal, right? So whatever.
Speaker 1:A few days go by and then she was like, yeah, I spoke to them, they said it was, they said there was a, an adverse reaction to the medication which my wife tried to make that excuse to me. On that day they're like, yeah, yeah, it was this. I was like, yeah, I don't think so, but whatever, because it magically it's gone. So what happens is like the next day or a few days later, I just, you know, I saw a wallet in the living room. I open it up and there's my fucking Amex card is in the wallet, you know. So I do that and I'm like what the fuck is this? So, whatever, the Amex card is in the middle kid's wallet.
Speaker 1:So then I asked my wife like yo, when did they get the card? It's like, and you know, she was just like she was already in a fucked up mood because I was pressuring her to talk to them and that was that. So she's just like. There was no answer. She could have said that would have been the right one for me, but it didn't matter. Straight up, it did not matter, because I was just like, listen, I don't care that the kids have If the kids need a credit card and they're going to get in. Like, listen, I don't care that the kids have, if the kids need a credit card and they, they, they, they're going to get in trouble, whatever for emergency that's. I'm totally cool, but how about you? Just let me know, you know?
Speaker 1:And they were like oh, I don't think, you know, I don't know why it shouldn't make a difference. I'm like it makes a difference because I fucking pay that motherfucking bill, bro. That's why it makes a difference. And they were like it doesn't even make sense what you're saying and it's ridiculous. And I got very upset when she said it was ridiculous.
Speaker 1:Because now here's the thing it's like I turn into like you know, sometimes recovery turns you into like a fucking bitch ass and you're just like there trying to explain feelings and all this other shit, and you're in your mind. You're hoping, because you're trying to explain feelings instead of just barking and and and calling people names and whatever and yelling, since you're trying to do it the right way. You feel like you're groveling. You're like dude, I, you know, trying to do it the right way. You feel like you're groveling. You're like dude, I, you know no-transcript Like a vagina. So what do I say?
Speaker 1:It's like, oh, if it really doesn't matter, if you don't think it matters that I know, then why don't you fucking pay or give them your credit card or whatever? Give the credit card with your name on it. Why has it got to be mine, you know? And then they're like, oh, then it turned into a whole fucking thing and she started yelling. You know, I can't fucking pay that bill and this. And I was like oh, so what you think? So all of a sudden, it matters because you can't fucking pay the pay, uh, the, the, the amex bill or whatever, but it don't matter, because what the fuck is that, you know? But it didn't matter because at the end of the day, the, the horse was out of the barn. And you know, it's very rare that people can just be like I'm sorry, I was wrong, even if I don't know how, you don't see that, I don't know how anybody doesn't see that, but like I'm sorry, I was wrong, you know.
Speaker 1:And then when I speak to my kid about the drug shit, about them being all jerked up and whatever I said, did mommy talk to you about this stuff? And she was like no, I mean they, she, they, they, they were like no, she didn't really, she didn't talk to me. I'm like, oh, so one of them is lying, which is like you know, this is why I, part of me, wants to be involved, so I can be on every on the same page. But then it's like dealing with. So what am I going to tell my wife? Like okay, one of you is lying, who's lying? Now I gotta go, I gotta play in between.
Speaker 1:I'm like dude, I who the fuck wants to live that life and thank god for AA and for recovery and for god, and thank god for god and the steps and all the stuff, because I was like, bro, this is not my life. I can easily ring this bell and start fucking flying like a ping pong ball back and forth between her and the kids and all of a sudden it turns into a fucking, an anxiety driven, self righteous Thing when I'm just like I know I'm right. Now everybody needs to bow to me Kneel before Zod, you know, like that and I'm already fucking right, you know. And since I threw that fucking jab at my wife about the why don't you fucking pay, guess who's been in the fucking doghouse right For a couple days. So I'm like but you know what, yo, straight up and down, I stood on my principle. I was like, listen, I don't care what the deal is.
Speaker 1:The point is is that shit goes on between you and that one kid, and sometimes you and the little one, and you leave me out of it. And that's the root of everything is that I don't like to feel like I'm being left out, specifically if I am the motherfucking safety net, whether you like to admit it or not. Because if you say you know what, then don't help me when I fuck this thing up, then what, I'm going to sit here and watch you fucking fail something, or watch you be in pain, or watch you know like my wife missed the deadline for the financial aid thing. And I'm like, okay, so what I? I mean in my mind, I know what that means. That means that guess what, I gotta fucking wash some rugs and save some money so we can pay for the school. And I'm like like, so how am I responding? I said, listen, it's okay. I said it's not 10 grand, right? She's like, no, no, maybe it's like two grand, who knows. I say, okay, what are we going to do? It happened, you know, that's it, it fucking happened, and that's it. We'll pay it and we'll figure it out and whatever. And fucking move on.
Speaker 1:You know I could be like, hey, you know what. You broke it. You fucking pay for it, like you know, knowing that they can't, and you know, to put them in a position, because I want to be right, because I want to teach them a lesson, so I just fucking you know. So then it comes to me. I'm like, dude, I don't even have to have these conversations with my kid about the drugs if they're cause they tell me, like you know, they take LSD, you know, here and there, or whatever. I'm like, alright, that's cool, I fucking took plenty of orange.
Speaker 1:Sunshines opened up my brain. There's a, just so you know, like there's a possibility that you could become a fucking vegetable. Don't say you don't know. And um, what do you want me to tell you? You know, you don't, that's it, you know. So anyway, if they worked so hard to get these past these exams and do these classes and do all this shit, they're going to have to get off whatever they're on to even get a job. Why would I choose to stand on that little hill of now I'm the fucking sober sheriff of the house, when the reality is it's all going to come out anyway because they have to pass a drug test to get a fucking job, which is, you know, it's like God doing for me what I couldn't do for myself. You know, that's what that was, you know.
Speaker 1:So my wife has been giving me like the lukewarm shoulder for like a fucking week and then I start to feel which to me, again, I'm going to say my side of the street. To me, it know, again I'm going to say my side of the street to me is fucking crazy, like over that comment or whatever that I said. You know that I took that little swipe at them. It's crazy. It's crazy to me but it's real to them. And I'm like yo, who the who wants to. I'm not saying who like you know where do you get your balls, but I'm saying like I personally do not want to spend my days being angry at anybody, days like days. Who wants that? Looming in their fucking stomach and in their who fucking over that stomach and in there, who fucking over that?
Speaker 1:But then I realized, yeah, my wife don't have no fucking program. She don't have no program. She hangs with her sister. She don't got a lot of people in her life and that's fine. She doesn't have to be a social butterfly, you know. But she has no nothing telling her anything other than whatever she hears online. I don't know what she's doing and that's it, you know. Yeah, like it's self-will. That's what that is Self-will.
Speaker 1:So I'm staying as positive as I can be. I'm like 85% positive, no, I'd say 80% the whole weekend, weekend. And when I think about that she's still mad and giving me like that man, you know, I mean, I ain't going without any meals. I still pick her up and drop her off from school and we hang out together and whatever. But, like you know, you can tell that there's something there. She's still mad and she even said the other day she's like I'm still mad and I felt like being like bitch. Still, jesus, fucking christ, what kind of existence is it that you're gonna be? Did you catch me sucking on some nipples or whatever? Like fucking, you know what I'm saying, don't you know that that kind of lifestyle of just this cyclical, you know, madness, anger, whatever it's like a waste of time, like a literally waste of your own time. But you know what that's her life. So, like finally, yesterday I was just like dude, are you still mad? You know, she was just like. She was like yeah, and she was just mad, like laying next to me like a fucking cold fish, and then I then finally I got fucking mad. Right, I got mad. I was like you know, I was like dude, this is fucking crazy already. But I didn't even say anything.
Speaker 1:It was 1230. I just finished watching some boxing. I was on Twitter talking shit, and then I was like dude, I'm going to fucking sleep, whatever. And then she's you know she, yeah, she, you know she starts, she burns a couple of, I mean, she takes a few hits of her pen, she smokes. She hadn't smoked weed in so long, so she smoked a little bit of trees. Hold on one second, I'm sorry, I'm back. Yeah, it was. Um, yeah, that was crazy. Sorry, somebody was banging on the fucking wall, but it was like the neighbor, you know, and it was a little bit loud. I just wanted to make sure nobody was knocking on the door anyway. So she takes a few tokes of her fucking pen, which is fine, and I'm like alright, whatever, going to sleep.
Speaker 1:I was angry and I knew I was going to be angry and stewing and I'm like all right, whatever Going to sleep. I was angry and I knew I was going to be angry and stewing and I was like, let me just go and I have like these, these like CVS brand, like sleepy pills. So I took two of them. I was like I know this shit's going to knock me out. And then halfway through my sleep, she like jumps on top of me and she's ready to get a little fucking frisky, bro. And I have to be honest with you, bro, bro, sis, everybody I have to be. I didn't want to do it. I didn't want to Because I was angry, like first time in my life that I was just like I don't want to do this.
Speaker 1:I'm fucking mad at you, you know. But then I don't know why, I felt like obligated, I guess, and I was like okay, and that, like ties this whole string and it was, you know, we got busy bow and um, I go back to going to sleep and I'm like that. Then I start feeling even more like a, you know, like a woman. I'd be like is this why you're using me? Now? I mean not whatever, I'm not fucking Bishop Don Juan, but I'm the fucking wiener in a jar, right that I guess you know you want some. You come knock on the door. I'm supposed to be like, okay, here we are.
Speaker 1:And I say to myself like, oh man, this is what women feel like when they feel, you know, quote unquote pressured or whatever to. I mean it's not that pressure. I wouldn't say pressure, yeah, the pressure you put on yourself. I could have just been like bitch, get off me. But um, you know, and that was like I don't remember. I mean there was maybe one other time in my life that my mind was overriding my loins, you know, and I was just like, dude, I am doing 100% the wrong thing here. And you know, and it was only because I was telling myself at that time the same thing. Maybe I was telling myself yesterday like yo, bro, you're fucking playing yourself right now. You know, you're playing yourself Because then after Chex Mix, we um, she just goes back to being her fucking.
Speaker 1:You know her cold-ass ass self. So even though we were, you know she was angry at me during the week, we still got physical a couple times, you know, once or twice or whatever. So in my mind I'm thinking everything is okay meanwhile she's still fucking angry and I'm like I didn't. You, I don't know how many more mixed signals I could get or how stupider I could fucking be, but I was like, okay, so then I just get up. You know, today I gotta go do whatever I gotta do. But then it's telling myself, like you know, it's whatever I could have made it worse, I could have told her to get off me and I don't want to fucking do it because you're being a fucking asshole. And then what?
Speaker 1:Then it turns into another discussion with another per, with the same person, not another person, another discussion about how I feel with the same person who doesn't like to be wrong Ever and fucking Is going to be mad at me For another fucking week. And then I ask myself Is that how I want to spend my fucking time? Do I want to spend my time Like? Is that the hill I'm willing to die on Because I can find a hill? Every fucking day, Every day I could find a hill To die on and just being a perpetual thing of just you know, jesus, you know, I don't know, and I think I'm guessing there are other men maybe they're listening to this, most likely who also maybe feel a little bit. What do they call it like? Demasculated or emasculated. Well, no, they don't want to have sex with their partner because they're fucking pissed off. Because they're fucking pissed off, but the caveman, lizard brain overrides it and be like bro, don't be a pussy, bro, that's your woman and if she wants it, you got to give it to her.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and then just dealing with that. Whatever, however, that is, you know. And what are you going to do? You going to talk to one of your guy friends and say listen, this is what's going on. This is what's going on. This is what I it all stems from, like you know, from that place.
Speaker 1:You know, when you're just with yourself and your own thoughts and your own ideas, you know again, no one says that she didn't have to be mad about anything. She could, that's, that's not even that's part of her thing. She didn't have to be mad about anything. That's part of her thing. She's allowed to be. And we had Fourth of July time and we did barbecues and I've been cooking all this shit.
Speaker 1:And then you know, in my mind I just don't like the coldness and I don't understand it and I can just wait for it to pass. But then I'm also another human. I'm also a human being that says listen, eventually I'm just going to fucking be cold too, because I don't want to feel like a fucking puppy dog, who's who's like groveling and I can just say, fuck it, I'm just going to do my own thing. And then, whenever you're ready, you let me know, you let me know, you know, and then even saying that will perpetuate, will you know? It's not going to help the situation, it will agitate the process of whatever they're going through, you know.
Speaker 1:So it's about how do I navigate that effectively, instead of being like oh you're being fucking immature baby by staying mad for a week Meanwhile. Right, what's? My side of the street? And I'm being very clear, very honest with you, all of you have a relationship where the other 50 weeks of the year, we don't have any problems between us. We have regular life situations. We have money situations. We have regular life situations. We have, you know, money situations. We have kids situations, whatever, but we don't take it out on each other and we're never that frustrated with each other that this kind of stuff that's happening right now. Then I say to myself yeah, it's literally. I can't tell you the last time in the last 12 months that it has been like this. So then, who's the fucking real baby that I can't spend fucking one week in the shitter to get fucking 51 weeks or 50 weeks of incredibleness?
Speaker 1:That's my side of the street and that's what I have to work on is remembering that perspective that I'm batting like 90%, you know, if you want to use that whatever you know analogy, I'm doing like 90% dog where, like most people and I'm not justifying anything I'm just being even with the situation that's going on. I'm just stating what's happening. I'm not justifying or even judging anything. As best I can, I'm just saying that I have an opinion. But this is just reality. This is my. If it was not my reality, I would say this is not my reality.
Speaker 1:But my reality is is that, like my friends that I know, the people that I know, dude, they, they're fucking marriages. Some of them suck their wife fucking, disrespects them all fucking time. They're miserable. Oh, the old ball and chain. I always use that example. It's like fucking crazy. They can't go anywhere, they can't do anything. The wife's fucking making plans. They can't go anywhere, they can't do anything. The wife's fucking making plans. They're nagging them. The wife's got all these fucking stupid friends Like we want to make more fucking friends and you got to spend holidays here and they're fuck out of here.
Speaker 1:Bro, I have a very, very, very free life. If I see my wife a few hours a day, I'm going to say collectively, minus sleeping, maybe three. I'm doing my thing. She's doing her thing, you know, and I have a lot of autonomy, and so does she. She can do whatever she wants, whether she chooses to or not. That's up to her. But she lot of autonomy, and so does she. She can do whatever she wants. Whether she chooses to or not, that's up to her, but she has complete autonomy. When she was going to the gym every day, she was every day in the gym Nail salon, hair, this, that Working, whatever Freedom. You know, totally. So if that is my life, then I can, you know, I can spend, you know, there's a little bit of time in the time out room. I'm okay.
Speaker 1:I'm okay in that victim mentality that I'm the victim, somehow, of a fucking marriage that is 90% bliss and that only comes with experience, sober experience of how many times that I stepped on a landmine and then put it back in the ground and then stepped on it again. You know, and this, whatever, I don't know how many times in my life up until this time. You know that I did that and that's what being sober for fucking 20 years means, and that's what being involved in AA and NA and the steps and the literature and the fellowship that's, this is what it brings you. This is the promise. This is one. And the fellowship, this is what it brings you. This is the promise, this is one of the promises that you can have a situation that you don't agree with or whatever, and you have a very good opportunity to not make it worse. You always have the opportunity to not make it worse, but you can not be a slave to that impulse, that self-gratifying impulse that I am right and everybody's wrong.
Speaker 1:To not make it worse, I don't need to punish anybody. I don't need to teach anybody a lesson my kid, whether I want them on or off drugs or pot or whatever. I don't need to teach anybody a lesson my kid, whether I want them on or off drugs or pot or whatever. They're going to have to get off them if they want that job, if they want the car. I told my wife this morning. I said the litmus test should be you in the car with them alone, and if you feel safe, then you get the final fucking word. You know, even my wife got nervous Like ugh, you know. So I can let things unfold and take care of themselves.
Speaker 1:Life is taking care of all of these situations, with me being minimally involved, and the less I'm involved, the happier I am, because nobody's going to comply anyway and all all I'm gonna do is just try to control everything and everyone and I'm gonna fucking forget it. Fucking forget about it, bro. Gonna be my own worst enemy. So easy does it for everybody. I hope you guys are taking notes joking maybe not, but hopefully this is helpful, you know. I hope you guys are taking notes joking Maybe not, but hopefully this is helpful, you know, and I'll do my best to check in with you guys on a weekly basis, show you how the things I did good and the things I did bad throughout the week. Even though I'm back in the gym and I'll close with this I still had a bowl of fucking puffy cheese doodles at night. So it's progress, not perfection. And, um, you know, don't forget to like and subscribe on all podcast platforms on YouTube, share the pages, share the stories and, um, you know, I'll see you guys on the flip side. Peace.