The Sober Experience
Recovery and mental health, spirituality and life. We will be sitting down with people in and out of recovery who have helpful tips and shared experiences to provide better love and understanding on this earth. There will be a wide veriaty of topics discussed and after each interview there will be another reflection episode where I can analyze what we spoke of and what sticks to mind.
The Sober Experience
Sobriety, Trauma, and the Power of Community: Honoring Hugo’s Legacy
What happens when the struggle for sobriety intersects with deep-seated trauma? This episode of "The Sober Experience" begins with a reflection on the poignant and painful journey of recovery, spotlighting the devastating impact addiction can have on both individuals and their loved ones. We honor the memory of Hugo, a brave veteran who fought a long battle with addiction, as we navigate through the emotional highs and lows that characterize the path to sobriety. Through Hugo's story, we underscore the urgent need for unconventional treatment approaches and the resilient spirit required to keep hope alive amidst despair.
Recovery isn't just about abstaining from substances; it's about building a fulfilling, joyous life that includes serving others. We discuss the profound act of surrendering—releasing judgments, ego, and the façade of being beyond help. This episode emphasizes the essential need for community and human connection, sharing personal stories of progress and growth. From managing physical ailments to meaningful moments with our children, we explore how being prepared and present in our relationships can shape our journey. The line between selfishness and self-centeredness is also examined, highlighting the importance of compassion and empathy in our interactions.
Navigating complex relationships, especially with stepchildren, requires emotional intelligence and clear communication. We dive into the importance of setting boundaries and advocating for oneself in both personal and professional realms. Through candid discussions about privilege and accountability, we challenge listeners to reflect on their own experiences and privileges. From addressing cultural identity and societal perceptions to sharing personal anecdotes about family dynamics, this episode is a heartfelt exploration of authenticity, self-awareness, and the impact of privilege on our daily lives. Join us for an episode rich with raw emotions, valuable insights, and stories of perseverance.
Hello and welcome to the Sober Experience, formerly known as the Spiritual Experience, where we share stories of overcoming problematic situations in life through triumph and working together, as well as recovery topics and all other forms of spirituality, self-help and the like. I'm your host, jay Lewis, and here we go. Hey, what's up? Everybody, welcome back Sober Experience. Like and subscribe all podcast platforms and, on our YouTube page, share the episodes with people you like, people you don't like, whatever. Yeah, let's start off with a little cumbia. Try and get us in the right mood here, here we go. It's a beautiful record. Yup, yup, yep, yep, yeah, everybody.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's been an eventful weekend. A lot of ups, a lot of downs and yeah, man, it's fucking tough, brother, it's fucking tough. You know, we got word, yeah, I got word yesterday. Well, I got word yesterday afternoon that we lost one of our boys, my man Hugo. You know he's been coming around trying to get sober for a long time, I don't know how many years. Jeez, I'm almost at a loss of words. It's so sad.
Speaker 1:I love that guy but yeah, maybe seven, eight years. You know, first he was going to meetings out there, bay Ridge, bensonhurst, and a little bit out of time he found his way over to my other home group Over there, greenwood, and a lot of people loved him and he was a good guy, man, but he just, you know, he couldn't, yeah, he couldn't get it. He could get it but he just couldn't keep. Yeah, he couldn't get it. He could get it but he just couldn't keep it, man, he couldn't keep it. And it's hard, you know, when you live in this life, you know you deal with, you know, over time you deal with people passing away prematurely. I don't even know, maybe he was 40, maybe 41. You know he was a veteran in the Army and he also worked at FDNY and you know he had a lot of stuff going on, man, and you know he had a lot of stuff going on, man, I never met somebody that was in the military that went away to war that didn't come back different, and especially the ones that end up in the recovery rooms.
Speaker 1:A lot of times you know they were in positions where they either did something or didn't do something that they were supposed to do, that, um, it left a mark, and those things they don't um, they don't go away. You know they don't go away. You know they don't go away, you learn how to live with them and it just takes so much out of you to love somebody like that who is hurting. And then you know unconventional treatment is what's required. You know Unconventional Treatment Is what's required.
Speaker 1:I mean, I'm not a doctor. What do I know? I don't know why some people make it, some people don't. I don't know why. I know how Some people make it and some people don't, but I don't know why. You know, and yeah, you don't want anybody to suffer, bro, and him, just like anybody else. Uh, you know I could, bro, I could name, and if I went down list of people, that um that I was close with, uh, that um that passed away prematurely or premature to what I wanted in recovery, the list would be pretty long.
Speaker 1:And that's the uh, that's the other side of the coin, that um we have to deal with, which is, you know you got to deal with. Listen, man there's. You know it sounds like a stupid thing, but it's like, almost like all angels and demons or whatever, like you get the highest highs from turning your life around, from being in the grips of whatever your afflictions are, from being in the grips of whatever your afflictions are, you know, and then the lowest lows, which is, you know you watch people scramble and scramble and scramble and you know you're having. I'm trying to hang this painting up. Hopefully it stays there. It goes. It's funny, it's my man, danny Antlers. He painted the Serenity Prayer and I have it in front of me on my desk in the shop. So, yeah, yeah, man, and it's.
Speaker 1:You know, it never gets easy and it is always sad. And it is always sad and it's always dark and in a lot of ways we can see it coming. You know we can see it coming because, again, like you know, when you have enough experience, you don't know the why's. You know a lot of the how's, you know how does this happen, know the whys, you know a lot of the hows. How does this happen? How does a disease win? And it's not even that. Honestly, if you're asking me, I don't even think the disease won. There are people who say that. I don't subscribe to that. Personally, I don't think the disease of alcoholism or addiction wins when you die. I just think that the lord wins, I think god wins, because he's like look, the disease was winning and you were suffering and suffering and suffering.
Speaker 1:You know, being pulled in directions by your you know, being pulled in directions against your will, by, you know mental and emotional tendencies, and the gravity is so severe when that happens, when we get an obsession, you know it is a thought more powerful than all other logical thoughts. It just is. And, yeah, we could, it could be anything. I have those now on minimally invasive, you know, minimally destructive things. For me. I talk about it all the time. It's like food, you know, bro, when I get a thought of I'm going to have some fucking now and laters.
Speaker 1:I was opening up a package of grape now and laters that I bought for my wife a month ago, like the little one that has like five of them in there. I bought them like a month ago and I was like this bitch hasn't had them in a month. I guess she don't want them. And I grabbed them and I didn't even tell her, I just took them from the cabinet and I brought them to the room and I busted out two of them. But I was opening the package with the anxiety and you know restlessness of a 12 or 13 year old kid taking $20 from his mom's purse while she's in the bathroom in the same room. You know, and I know because I've done it.
Speaker 1:So which is crazy? That, yeah, so which is crazy that, yeah, we're abnormal in those ways, you know, and he was so good at just like anybody else. You know we're very believable and in those moments you are telling the truth, just like anybody else. You know we're very believable. And in those moments you are telling the truth when you say you want to stay clean and you want to stay sober and you want to behave and you don't want to gamble, you don't want to overeat, you don't want to act out on sexual impulses, you don't want to hurt yourself, cut yourself, puke, whatever. In those moments when you say those things, you believe them and they're very believable.
Speaker 1:But there is something that is different from all those rational thoughts when it comes, and without the proper preparation, it wins, it's undefeated. And it shows up every time, on motherfucking time. You know those areas of procrastination. Maybe that's it, or maybe I don't know. You know, I don't know. Whatever it is, for you there's only one answer, man, and it's getting a connection to something outside of yourself, a higher power, people who love you that you can call on to remind you that, people who love you that you can call on to remind you that whatever impulses and desires that are on that hamster wheel will eventually go away. I don't like all of those stupid slogans. This too shall pass, but it's true, it will pass. The same way, all the other devious thoughts and impulses will pass. They'll all pass, you know will pass. They'll all pass.
Speaker 1:You know, and that's the hard part is, you know, putting the toolbox together so when those moments come that are so familiar to you, it's like we're so used to living outside of the grace and just surrendering to those impulses that when they come, you know you're like oh, this is familiar territory. It's so familiar that I don't want to feel the infamiliarity, if that's the right word. I don't want to feel what it feels like to not push that button, because if I don't push that button, that button it makes me feel normal or I don't even know, yeah, normal or safe, or comfortable or whatever, even though it provides a complete level of destruction to anything positive in my life. You know, at the time, you know it feels good just to get that release from that anxiety. You know, and that's a it's a hard thing to to live with. Not everybody has to live with that. Everybody has to live with their own stuff. And I'm not saying addicts are special people, we're just different. We're just different people from in different ways. I don't think we're special, but I think we have a leg up on a lot of other things because of the affliction.
Speaker 1:If you're going to be successful in recovery, which means sobriety, happiness and service to others, that's a successful recovery. It puts you in a position where you have to do things like invite other people into your life who want to help you. We call it surrendering and I'm sure I mentioned this stuff maybe before. But like surrendering, they say. The example is like if you're in a war and you surrender, what that means is that you put your weapons down, you stop fighting and you have a seat on the motherfucking curb and you wait for somebody to tell you what to do. That's what that means, and then you do what they tell you. So when we talk about surrender, that's what we're talking about Surrendering any ideas, or the willingness to surrender these ideas one at a time, surrendering the judgment that you have that makes you think that you are, you know, unique in a way that you can't be helped.
Speaker 1:Ego deflation, you know I was thinking about this along the topic of you know I was thinking about this along the topic of you know what people do to fit in. And then there's people, specifically young folks. They're youngins, they do shit like I don't fit in Right. Meanwhile, what does that really mean? It really means that you are unwilling to put aside something about yourself to be included in this other thing or group or whatever. So it's actually you, because nobody can be 100% their I'm going to use air quotes, their authentic self and then find other people who are exactly like them to fit in with. It doesn't work, it doesn't exist. So what you got to do is you got to let a little bit of yourself go and then that way you can assimilate. And it doesn't mean you're like following oh, this is sheep. No, it just means that, like you know, it just means that, like, you're not the most important person to you. I mean you are, but in a long term way where, like, having community is the most is very important to the individual, and community just means more than you. So it doesn't have to be 500 people. It could be five people, it could be three people, it could be whatever. Five people. It could be three people, it could be whatever, you know. So that's gotta be. It's a very healthy thing to uh to do that, to be like that. They were talking about it also today.
Speaker 1:Um, you know a lot of us. Uh, we push people away. That's our whole thing. We push people away with that otherness. We other ourselves and nobody. We don't want to die alone. Who the hell wants to die alone? You know it's fucking whack, dude. I don't want to die alone, you know. So that means in my relationships with people, I have to bring God with me, because God allows me to see things as they are, which is that we are all people and not fucking out to get me. You know, there were all just people making a mistake here or there making a mistake. Pa pa, pa.
Speaker 1:You know I had a pretty good week with my kids, man, pretty good week with my kids. I got the ability. Well, I had the opportunity. It was such an eventful week. Maybe I can recap some of it, because it was all impactful stuff. My, what do you call it? The sciatica that I've been crying about is getting better and I'm like 80% there. Well, I'm not where I want to be, where I want to be is be able to just run a half marathon right now, which, even if my legs were good, it would take me six months to train for that, maybe three, Because I haven't been running in a long time and I've just been eating and working and yeah, and screwing, that's it. Yeah, but only my wife, you know. So, yeah, so anyway.
Speaker 1:So I had the opportunity to work with my middle kid I might have mentioned this before where I had to really um, you know, I had to have like real, real talk and real sit down with them and it's. And the point is is that, as a parent is to be able to be prepared, like I told the other lady last week about like yo, you got to be, your job is to prepare yourself for when they're ready, that you be ready. Otherwise, you know what I'm saying You're going to spoil that moment with the fucking. I've been right the whole time and I told you so and all of that mess. You know You're already right. They don't need to know any more than they already know how right you are, because they're wrong about a lot of stuff and it's only from an experience.
Speaker 1:So point is working with the middle one, the middle, not the little. And, um, you know we're having these open conversations about. You know I had to seize the opportunity now because they're receptive, that you know I need to help them with how they are, and I explained to them the difference between being selfish and being self-centered. I explain to them the difference between being selfish and being self-centered. And if I already spoke about this, when you see me, I don't know, you can give me a slap, yeah, so the difference is being selfish is making a decision to say screw everybody else, like no, this is all me, screw blah, blah, blah. Like that's being selfish.
Speaker 1:Being self-centered is an inability to see anybody else and only see yourself. So one of them, I believe, requires cognitive, it requires intention, right, it's intention, that's what it you know. And the other is a state of being. And I know because I was the same way, except I wasn't 24 when I learned I was maybe 34. Yeah, maybe 38. Maybe 38, 38, 39. Yeah, so they're 24, so I'm breaking it down for them.
Speaker 1:I'm like listen, here's what happens. Right, you are disregarding other people because you don't even know how to think about anybody else, because it's an actual equation on how to do that. Somebody has to show it to you if you don't have it inside of you already. Now, my little little one, she's got it inside of her Her. They, them zur, whatever. No, they're not zur's, they're a they whatever. They already have it inside of them. They're super empathetic. You know where this one is. The opposite Is the opposite. They only yeah, they don't know how to move man, they don't know how to move the right way, and it's because nobody's showing them. So I'm showing them and I'm teaching them the difference. Hey, listen, when you do stuff like this, you have to ask yourself who else is involved in my life.
Speaker 1:You know, my wife decided finally, after 7,000 years, that she is not going to allow them to eat food in their room. Nobody else eats food excuse me out of the kitchen and dining room area except for them. They take their food. They go to the room. You know, plates pile up, whatever dog, that's what it is. And finally, my wife was just like you know, because she just finished a semester at school and she did really good. And my wife was like, yeah, no more food in the fucking room because the semester she was at at school, you know, the house fell down a little bit because I don't clean that great. I mean I can if I, you know. But whatever, I'm not saying I choose not to. But I ain't working fucking 12 hours a day, you know, or eight hours, I'm not doing that shit.
Speaker 1:And then coming home and doing all the other shit, that ain't it. That ain't it, man, I'll, fucking, I'll pay for a cleaning lady. She'll bust off the main common areas, you know Kitchens, bathrooms, living room, dining room, and everybody got to clean their own room. That's, you know that's what I would do, so either way. So my wife was done with school and she had a few days off and then she saw how fucking broken down some of those areas were. It wasn't bad, but it was bad by her standards.
Speaker 1:And it happens a little bit at a time. You know that's what happens. It happens a little bit at a time and then, boom, she fucking, she sends out a group text. Everybody yo cleaning the kitchen is not just the dishes, it's the counters, it's this, it's that, it's whatever you know, know, doing all that shit. So anyway, so the middle one who be just taking their shit, going to the room and eating and then like I'm like dude. Number one, uh, you're not cleaning up after yourself. And number two, uh, you're the only person that does that. So my wife, she fucking poured water all over that shit. And then, you know, I the fucking.
Speaker 1:And then this, all of a sudden I'm telling you the stage is set. You know, stage is set. So a little while ago she starts seeing this chick Right. And I start seeing this girl. Apparently they really like her I gotta get the pronouns together they really like her right. As much as you can like somebody in the first inning, which is either they you are gonna lather yourself in them or or nothing. But yeah, so they're about that life. So they meet this girl and then the girl is providing a good distraction for them.
Speaker 1:Then all of a sudden, my wife starts laying down these rules and then my kid is like whatever, fuck the rules, I'm just going to do whatever I'm going to do. So I see one more the morning after, like, my wife, uh, sends out that message that everybody says is all right. Yeah, we see it. Um, you know, they confirm the message, they verify. And, um, I go in the room in the morning because they're supposed to come to work and I see they have a plate in the room and I just take that plate. I didn't wake them yet, bring it to the kitchen, clean it up.
Speaker 1:And that's the day when I was like alright, I'm going to have to straighten this fucking kid out and say, hey, listen, what you just did. I, I said what were you thinking when you said um, when you, when you went to your room with the food, knowing that mommy said no more, and they were just like I just wanted to eat my food in my room, I was like okay, I said but at, but you're doing that at somebody else's expense. And she was like huh, I was like, yeah, everything you do is at the expense of somebody else Because there are other people who are invested in your life. So you are saying fuck you to mommy when you decide to do that and to take it a step further. You're actually I don't know what repercussions would have been if my wife would have saw the plate.
Speaker 1:You know have been. If my wife would have saw the plate. I know what I would have done maybe. Yeah, what I would have done, which is like you treat them like a boy I would have take that plate if I wanted to be. If it was my own kid and not my stepkid, I would have took the plate and I would have just I would have threw the plate at their head. Now, it was a plastic bowl, so it would not have caused any damage, except for whatever emotional disruption of me waking them up at 7 in the morning with a plate smacking them in the fucking top of their head. I wouldn't, maybe, hit them in the face, but you know, I got. I played baseball a long time. I got pretty good aim. I would have just launched that shit and been like yo or maybe you held it in my hand and smacked him a few times with it.
Speaker 1:But instead I got to do all this grown-up recovery stuff which is sit down, have a chat, and it takes a lot of courage for me to do that because, like you know these kids because even if they were technically mine, I don't know, but these kids are fucking very sensitive. So you got to watch how you fucking talk to them, you know. And then I'm spending the whole day with them because I'm taking them with me to work. So I'm like, dude, do I want to ruin my own day by having this uncomfortable, confrontational air quotes conversation. But I was like, yeah, but I, if I don't do, if I don't walk through that, uh, fire, if you want to call it that. This fucking kid is going to keep being a kid, except they're 24.
Speaker 1:So that's when I was like, yo, what were you thinking? And they said what they said. And I was like, listen, just so you know, when you do stuff like that, that's bullying. You're bullying your mom, just so you know. Say what you want about it, but that's what you're doing, you're bullying your mom. And then, for me, now you're bullying my wife, and it's unacceptable to me to do that. Nobody can bully my wife, man, because that's what it is In my book, you know.
Speaker 1:And I could see that they were starting to understand that every one of our actions, we're living in an environment where everybody has to give up a little bit of something to fit in, you know. And when you are unwilling to do that, you are taking advantage of the people who love you, and that's wrong, that ain't it? So then we start talking about where else in their life do they believe that they've done nothing wrong in different ways? You know, they were telling me how much, uh. And another example. They were telling me how much that they really like their psychiatrist. I was like that's cool. They're like, yeah, um know, I have my own bout. You guys already know I don't take anything but nicotine and caffeine. I'm not even taking P-O-R-N anymore, you know crazy. So yeah, they were telling me that they liked them because the psychiatrist actually asks them about what's going on in their life. I was like that's cool, you know.
Speaker 1:And then they were like but the only thing I don't like is that you know, they the psychiatrist I guess she's a whatever, she's a Russian lady or something. She misgenders them and calls them what do they call it? Dead names, she dead. She was like she dead names me and she misgenders me. But whatever, I was like in my mind on another day I would have been like bitch. If we did that, all fucking hell would break loose, you know. So here's this lady who's doing that and um, and you've, and it makes you feel how you know, like whatever I said. Did you tell her she's like well, she has the paperwork in front of her. I said that doesn't mean fucking anything. Maybe she's waiting for you to speak up and say something like yo, I prefer to be called this name, and I prefer this pronoun.
Speaker 1:If you're really about that life, if you're about that life, you need to be about that life everywhere that you can, or at minimum, do not crucify the people closest to you who make mistakes. Which is what they do and which is what most people do, is that we hurt the people who love us the most. So I told them I was like dude, you don't even have a dog in the fight if you don't say something. And what do you think? You're going to say something and they'll be like you know what? I ain't treating you no more, or you're going to have to come to terms with it. Guess what. She don't want to comply. And then you got to figure something out Either way there's growth out, either way there's growth Instead of you just sitting there stewing. It's ridiculous, you know and yeah, I guess it's not really that ridiculous, since they don't know, and which is why I'm here to teach them, because I would.
Speaker 1:Just when I was a young person, I couldn't handle anything that I couldn't handle. Everybody had to comply. I was a big baby. Everybody had to comply. I couldn't even ask nicely for anything, and then we just kept going. So I was like, yeah, listen, man, do that Next time. I was like, bro, you don't have anything to lose, only stuff to gain, which is that you might lose a little bit of respect for her, and that's game for you, at least you. You know, you're being honest instead of just speculating. You know, and what we were, because what we were talking about was just like you know how the self-centeredness comes in a way of sabotage, right in bringing back the food thing and the girl thing right, because they're studying, they have their EMT exam in like a couple days, the state exam or whatever, and then hopefully they'll get a job. You know, and yeah.
Speaker 1:So as soon as you know you have to be responsible and take some kind of action, have some agency in your life and really grab a hold of yourself. All of a sudden you need something, you need some kind of disturbance to your inactivity On. So all of a sudden a girl comes in. Of course it's a woman, right, of course it is, it's a woman. You're in that lustful Blech. You know who wants to think of their kids like that, but like, yeah, where you're just like spending every waking moment with them for a whole weekend, two, three days and you come home and you're skipping down the street with a fucking Red Bull and a Marlboro Red and you're 24 and you got the world by the balls in your mind because it's a whole big distraction when, in reality, you're going home to a messy room inside of your mom and stepdad's fucking apartment, you know.
Speaker 1:So that escapism was great, you know, and I mentioned I was like what's up with this girl and she told me that she was like a whatever. She's like an Irish girl. I was like, oh, you like these white girls. Right, she likes they, like these white girls. And and they're like, no, oh my god, no, I can't.
Speaker 1:I was like, dude, the last three girls that you dated, like that we saw or that whatever that we knew about, they were white girls, man, so just say that you like them because, uh, they're a brown person, you know puerto Rican and Dominican and the kind that is both brown and like brown and gay and defiant and fucking white privilege and all this other stuff. Like they wear that whole costume I'm sorry, I don't want to say costume. They have that. I have to stop saying that because it's a little bit. They wear that whole persona because that's who they believe that they are, when, in reality, is that like they don't want to admit?
Speaker 1:Like dude, you can just say you like white girls, man, it's okay, there's nothing wrong with white girls. There's nothing wrong with black girls, there's nothing wrong with black girls or brown girls or Asian girls. There's not Indians, nothing, there's nothing wrong with them. But just be real with yourself. Because then they were like no, there's these other people that you guys don't see in between. And I'm like yeah, yeah, fucking no, because we live with you, sucker, we see you wasting away in the room for weeks at a time and then doing a little bit of stuff and then going back and wasting away more. You know, and that's just how it goes. You know, that's their cycle and because they're not ready to be teachable, they're not ready to be coached, they still have all the answers, you know.
Speaker 1:And then she was like uh. They were like yeah, you know, sometimes I make fun of them, like their privilege, and for me guys, privilege is a fucking triggering word. It's a trigger. Is that? That's like the right uh word? Hold on, one second, I gotta, I gotta grab something to drink. Hang on, thank you, I'm back. I got a water pulling spring. I remember I used to drink all that liquid death and it's so good. It's like one of the first cowboys over the hill with that. Thanks to Theo.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so what I'm saying Is that, like you know, dog, you know you like white girls, and then you start talking about privilege. Then I get angry because then I'm like dude, what is in my mind? I want to be like and you have to be very tactful when you speak with these people, otherwise it's manipulation. It's like anything else you got to get them to tell on themselves. Like you're a freaking detective, you have to go and detect. You have to go and detect. So I'm like what is that? What does that mean? You know? And they were like oh, they have a summer house and they grew up with a lot of money and this, and that I'm like okay, and you know, yeah, and you know, and I think that they believe that they have that because they are white. And it infuriates me. It's like somebody along the line did something to make some of that stuff happen.
Speaker 1:And I said but yeah, but you have, yeah, I try to point it out without being too pointy. Like yo, you have your own privilege, right, you have your own privilege To be able to be your authentic self in whatever way you identify and whatever your preferences. Are not everybody growing up the whole time being able to have that freedom? That's a huge privilege, right? And uh, you know, everybody has their own privileges.
Speaker 1:And I told them, I said on a very surface level, I was like yo, every time you and the other one want to go to a concert or something or go see, uh, what was that? I remember the first time we sent them to see a show was like the book of mormon. This was so many 10 years ago, dog, every time it's 1200, 1500, every time, since there were kids, since there were 12, since there were 11, you know, if the three of them are going, bro, it's three grand 3500, right, because to create an experience for them where they sit on the floor and they're close to the thing, and you know what, I'm Not in the fucking nosebleeds. No disrespect to anybody else, who you know who does that. I'm just saying that, like, that in itself is its own privilege, specifically, specifically since, uh, neither one of these kids ever paid for a concert ticket, a plane ticket, none of that stuff, and I was like, dude, my fucking dad would my mom. They would have a heart attack If I was 16 and I was like yo, I want to go see uh, who, whatever I don't know the names of the groups they want to see and the tickets are the good.
Speaker 1:Tickets are 750 bucks and I and I'd like to, my dad would be like fucking, what? Like? I wouldn't even be able to ask that kind of question, but that was just their life. Their mom made them whatever food they wanted to eat every day, like the spoiled shit that you see on Instagram. That's how these two kids grew up. One of them, if you can believe this one of them does not like chicken thighs. So if my wife is making pollo guisado, which is chicken Spanish stew, my wife will make two breasts separate for the other kid. And guess what? The likelihood of them eating both of them before they go bad is very low. So, um, my wife didn't grow up with any kind of reasonable love in any way. I don't want to tell her story, but that's the truth. So she went overboard with these two fucking bananas, you know.
Speaker 1:So I was like, yeah, everybody has their own privilege, you know. You guys just went last month to go see what was it Disney on Ice, that was in Austin that you got on a plane and flew to another city to just go see a show and stayed in Airbnb and do all that stuff and hung out at night with your brother and stayed in Airbnb and do all that stuff and hung out at night with your brother and my Financial hand Was All up in the fucking gravy Of that. So, yeah, we could have been living in Manhattan. We could still go to Manhattan. Do we want to? No, because then who knows if I could have been able to do all of that other stuff that I did for them.
Speaker 1:I was like, yeah, all right, we don't have a lake, we don't have a beach house, but we have a lake house that if I didn't have a renter in there as a business, I could kick them out and you guys can go up there every weekend or you could even go there and live there. As long as you paid that fucking mortgage, you can go and live there on the lake, but the lake is part of the house that you walk down these stairs, maybe a fifth of a mile, down these big stone, beautiful stairs, down to a private beach where you can go in some fucking water. Yeah, you like apples, alright then. So to get them. Yeah, you like apples, all right then.
Speaker 1:So to get them to stay out of this perpetual loop of victimhood. I have to point out to them a little bit at a time. The same way it was shown to me that they are also victimizers. They're abusing their mom, they take advantage of some of my powerlessness. I'm telling you, I would have thrown Glasses Of cold water on them. It would have only had to have been done a handful of time To make a point. Because, yeah, we don't take that Disrespect, you know we don't take it, you know so. But take that disrespect, you know we don't take it, you know so. But I giving them the benefit of the doubt when I say it's 50, 50, 50 self-centeredness, 50 selfishness, and let them make that decision. So when you are bullying your mom, just know that that's what you're doing. Don't give yourself a pass and say, well, it's because of this or that or whatever else. Like dude, there's no right way to do the wrong thing. You know, and it was a constructive conversation, there was no bad feelings, there was no yelling, it was just like teaching. But you know, again, the teacher is only showing up when the student is ready. So this student was ready. I felt it and I also felt I was like dude, I'm fucking ready that this kind of behavior is one of the reasons why their life is the way that it is and I take accountability for that.
Speaker 1:For me, just keeping my mouth shut for a long fucking time because I don't want to, you know, stir up what is the stir the water to catch fish, all that, that's uh 48 laws. I forgot what law that is. Anyway, yeah, I don't want to fuck up my own day because then I get in an argument with one of the kids and then my wife is like don't fucking blah, blah, blah with the kids, and then I'll be like what bitch, you're the fucking fourth kid. I'd say some crazy shit like that. Then there's no poom-poom. For fucking three days I got to sleep on the couch in my own house and all that. Yeah, it ain't worth it. I don't really argue with my wife Because we don't really have stuff to argue about and it's okay if we have arguments, but we just don't really argue. But if we get into like a fight, that means like somebody crossed some kind of line, not that we had a disagreement. Yeah, man, she don't get over them shits that quickly. You know she doesn't.
Speaker 1:Where me, I have all of you. I have God. I have meetings, meetings. I have a whole life outside of my wife and my kids, like a literal whole life. They're a part of my whole life. It's like they're the biggest love for me, but they're not the whole thing and I think that's what's beautiful. God is the whole thing. He's everywhere. But the life I have outside of my family is probably one of the reasons why I still have a family and that's my story and I'm sticking to it. So like and subscribe on all podcast platforms. Share these episodes with your friends. You know. Rip our brother Hugo. Love you, man. I'm sad that you're gone. You know you had an infectious fucking smile, but I'm glad the war's over, bro. I'm glad you're finally, uh, at peace. All right, guys, I'll see you next time. I love you peace.