The Sober Experience
Recovery and mental health, spirituality and life. We will be sitting down with people in and out of recovery who have helpful tips and shared experiences to provide better love and understanding on this earth. There will be a wide veriaty of topics discussed and after each interview there will be another reflection episode where I can analyze what we spoke of and what sticks to mind.
The Sober Experience
Humor, Heart, and Honoring the Matriarchs of Our Lives
Pull up a chair to our vibrant Mother's Day dinner, where even a too-salty steak sparks profound discussion on pursuing dreams and embracing the precarious balance of business and personal risk-taking. In this familial symphony, every generation contributes its own unique melody, reflecting the sacrifices we make for loved ones and the wisdom earned through experiences—sometimes the hard way. Get cozy as I recount tales of trust, investment, and the delicate dance between the safety of a teacher's steady paycheck and the gamble of entrepreneurial ventures.
We wrap up with an intimate peek at the podcast's journey, reaching milestones and touching lives in ways I could never have imagined. Sharing this ride with you not only offers the chance for self-discovery and growth but also carries the potential to help shape your path, whether through embracing sobriety or learning to navigate life's intricate maze. As we celebrate these collective achievements, we also hope to inspire and foster our community, appreciating life in its raw and unfiltered glory, with a bit of humor and a whole lot of heart.
Hello and welcome to the Sober Experience, formerly known as the Spiritual Experience, where we share stories of overcoming problematic situations in life through triumph and working together, as well as recovery topics and all other forms of spirituality, self-help and the like. I'm your host, jay Lewis, and here we go. Hey, what's up everybody, welcome back Sober Experience. Yeah, happy Mother's Day. Hope you guys are having a good time. Yeah, like and subscribe on all podcast platforms. Don't forget our YouTube page, the Sober Experience. You can share that with whatever folks, whatever, whatever. Anyway, yeah, mother's Day. I figure we do a little throwback for the intro. Let's see if I can get this thing queued up. If you remember this thing, yeah, you'll die laughing. I die laughing every year. It's like you know you wait for one year to do one silly prank, and here it is, and I do the same prank every year. Twelve, you couldn't be more than 5. You're so fat, they have to jack you up to take off your shoes. Yeah, well, you're so skinny, your eyes are in single file. Well, you're so ugly, your ears stick out to get away from your face. Well, your mama is so. Hold it, wait a minute. Wait a minute. Don't bring any one mother into this. She ain't here. If it wasn't for your mother, you wouldn't be here. So remember, when you put down one mother, you're putting down mothers all over the world. Mr T, treat her right. Treat your mother right. Boop boop. Treat her right. Treat her right. Treat her right. Treat your mother right. I wish you guys could see the vision. So funny Mother. There is no other like mother, so treat her right. Treat her right Mother. I always love her, my mother. So treat her right. Treat her right Mother. I always love her, my mother. So treat her right. Treat her right. Envy for the moon and the miserable groan From the pain that she felt when I was born, always for the oven with the burning heat when she stood making sure I had something to eat. Tears for the time that she stayed up at night and took my temperature when I wasn't feeling right, Anxious for the hard-earned money she spent To keep clothes on my back and try to pay direct Ears, every wrinkle I put on her face and every worry that I caused when I stayed out too late. The last letter R is that she taught me respect and for the room up in heaven that I know she'll get Mother. There is no other my mother. So treat her right, treat her right. Mother, I always love her. Oh my God right, mother, I always love her. Oh my god, yo, I cannot, um, yo. It gets me every time.
Speaker 1:I could listen to that um and shout out to my homegirl, anastasia, that like, um, I don't know, I think I forgot how old I was when I discovered that song. Yeah, we were working at a black car service in Bensonhurst, big Apple Car and I don't know what made us come across that thing, because I definitely didn't know it growing up. But it's like from the 80s or whatever, even though I'm from the 80s. Bow so and don't say, yeah, it's like from the 80s or whatever, even though I'm from the 80s. Bow so and don't say, yeah, it's mother's day. Happy mother's day to everybody, I hope.
Speaker 1:Um, yeah, you guys are spending it with your loved ones. If your mom isn't here on the outside, she's definitely here on the inside. Um, yeah, and you know, if you got beef with your mom, nah, you should squash that At least. You know. Whatever, I don't know what the fuck do. I know there's mothers that are out there that are fucking crazy that they shouldn't.
Speaker 1:You know the stuff that that you hear, like, I didn't know Personally, personally, but like you know, like my mom is different, was, you know my mom was my mom? I mean, she's a good person. She's difficult in a lot of ways. Number one she's getting older, so she's really like you know, yeah, she's becoming like in Spanish Spanish terms we call them doñas, which is just basically like an old lady. So she'll be like doña soca, something like that, whatever, doña cuca, but she's fucking. Yeah, she's like irritable a little bit, but she's good. She's always been like. You know, she's always been really good to me In any way that she could, you know, in any way that she could.
Speaker 1:And you know, you think about it. You know, 45 years old, and we were out yesterday at Del Frisco's in Manhattan, in Manhattan and, um, you know we were talking about I was like dude, when she was 45, I was like I don't know I was ruining her. You know, maybe, no, I don't even think I was. Let me see, yeah, she was. No, I wasn't that old yet. I mean, I was still listen, I was a pain in the ass kind of kid. But you know, I was on my way to ruining her, you know, because she got kids late for the time.
Speaker 1:34 and I think 36, you know, or 36 and 38. I'm not sure I don't even know how old my mom is. In my mind she's 80. And yeah, so I think she's 79. She's 80. And yeah, so I think she's 79. Either way, what I'm saying is that, like you know, I can't even imagine. I can't even imagine having young children at the age that I am. I'm so happy that my son is basically a grown up you know, he's going to be 30 in January and my youngest one, my little Sam Boo, who everybody knows that I love, yeah, she's everything to me, she, they, whatever, they're everything to me On earth. Man, yeah, and today is their birthday, 18. Unbelievable 18-year-old birthday.
Speaker 1:On Mother's Day, I'm here in motherfucking Brook, nom, and my wife took the two kids that live with us down to Austin, texas, to go see some I think, if I'm guessing, I forgot what it was, I'm sorry. It's like Disney on Ice or some shit, some kind of show, maybe Cirque du Soleil or whatever. I don't know what it is. It's some kind of show like that that they're not playing here in New York, and it was just easier for them to go to Texas Instead of like going to North Carolina or some other shit, I don't know. Plus, my son is down there, so my wife is gonna Spend Mother's Day I don't think my son is definitely not going to that show so with her two kids and my son. So our children she's like the step mama and those are my step kids.
Speaker 1:I think it's a little bit different as far as my son and her are concerned. Only because she came into his life. You know he was already. I think he was already almost in college. He was like already 18, 17, 18, maybe 19. So she only knows him like at the age that her youngest kid is, and above I am drinking Monster Ultra Paradise. I don't even know what flavor it tastes like green apple, anyway. So she knows him for that. But they have a very close relationship in their own way. I'm not even involved. She only gets me involved if he's in some kind of trouble or if he really needs something or whatever. I have my own relationship with him. It's like I have my own relationship with the other kids. Everybody has their own shit. So it's nice.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so that means that your boy has been flying dolo for a couple of days and, um, yeah, it's really just yesterday. Today, you know, and I miss my wife, you know. But I'm happy that you know, you know that I can, um, that we can, give the kids this kind of experience. You know my parents, they didn't have whatever to fly me around the country to go see shows and do all kind of shit, pretty fancy stuff. They didn't have those means, you know. They had different means, you know, and they did the best they could and that was it, you know. But I also think maybe we just, yeah, sometimes we I think what I've learned was that, you know, sometimes you just got to spend the money, man, for the experience and for whatever, to create experiences for other, uh, people, specifically your children or your partner.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you just got to spend the money and be like, fuck it, I'll just make it up some other way. You know, I'm very fortunate that, um, you know, we have a business that I work very hard at and she works very hard and everybody who works with us works very hard, that we can do this kind of stuff, you know, and, um, and that's the best thing on earth, you know, america is the greatest man. If you can, you know, you can complain or you can do something. You know I don't want to get too much into like a freaking America rant, because it's tough. The life that I live is tough, but it comes with different things that maybe the standard doesn't come with.
Speaker 1:And I was having this discussion yesterday, you know, because we're eating dinner at this restaurant and my mom is like you know my dad is, actually he's doing pretty good, he was like, he was like behaving, you know he doesn't. You know he's, he's older, he's not older than my mom, but he's old and he can be a pain in the ass. I don't even like going out to eat with them because they're the type of people that, like you know, they complain a little bit and I don't really like complainers, but I think they complain just because they're old. But, um, or I don't know, I'm not, I'm right there, I'm speculating either way. So my mom is like you know we're just talking about.
Speaker 1:You know how like I'm just in a different place in my life than she was when she was my age and you know what it was like for her to be a mom and it's Mother's Day and you know she's one less kid on earth than she made. You know what I'm saying. Yeah, it's like you know, my sister's not here, so I'm sure today is like a rough day for her and they handle it and they do whatever they can in their own way. But, like you know, she was like picking on my dad a little bit, trying to tell this story, like, hey, you know, uh, you know, because my dad is like like me in some ways. Uh, we're both a little gullible and gullible in the sense that we're lazy and, uh, people have definitely taken advantage of him and people have taken advantage of me and my mom. Nobody takes advantage of my mom, according to her, um, because she's like always on guard anyway. So she's like telling my dad like, oh well, she's telling me a story. She's like, oh, you know, uh. So she's like telling my dad like, oh, she's telling me a story. She's like, oh, you know, because she's apparently she told my wife that my wife has to keep an eye on me because I'll give away the whole house, and part of that is true, part of that is true, and I've learned to be this way. I was always a little bit more gullible before, but I was committing, I was living a different life. So it didn't really that matter matter that much, and I wouldn't really. Yeah, I've always gone out of my way in some ways, especially financially, so anyway, so she's telling this story.
Speaker 1:We're at the restaurant and the food there is pretty good. You know, of course, my dad's complaining about the steak a little bit, oh, too salty. You know, of course, my dad's complaining about the steak a little bit, oh, too salty. You know, binga, binga, binga, binga. You know, but I had, what did I have? I had an aged ribeye, some lobster mac and cheese which I had a couple of spoonfuls of, and a shrimp cocktail which is basically just four large pieces of shrimp. We get to shrimping right away. He's like you know, you know how much that is. Now, he's not complaining about what the bill is going to be, just so I'm prefacing that. But he's like you know what they do to you. You know you can get the same size shrimp at Costco's. He's like one of those. He's like, yeah, you get it for this amount of pounds. And I was like all right, yeah, but we're on fucking 49th Street in Manhattan, we're not at Costco's in Nanuet. So there's that, you know, anyway. So whatever, shrimp cocktail, I got the bacon, all this other shit it was, it was good, I didn't go crazy eating. I made sure I stopped enough in time and that was that.
Speaker 1:So point is is that, like, my mom is telling this fucking story and she was like you know, but before she was like you know, jared, like, but before she was like you know, jared, like you know, I always, you know, I'm happy that you found, uh, your wife. I've always uh, believed in you because I'm like, because I always tell us that, listen, my wife is fucking everything, bro, and I tell you guys that every week, and I tell everybody that can listen, every chance that I get, because people always ask me like, oh, how's married life? This, I'm like dude's, greatest thing, I've, greatest decision I've ever made on my own was two of them getting sober and marrying my wife and being with my wife even before we got married. Just yeah, those are actual choices. I could not like, I could not, I could never not be my kid's dad. I'm his fucking dad, bro. So that's like without a choice, but these are choices either way.
Speaker 1:So, uh, you know she's saying like, yeah, you know, I told, I told, uh, emily, that she's got to watch out for you because you know you're gullible in some ways like your dad and whatever. I'm like, what are you talking about? And then she goes to tell me this story right, we just finished eating. It's fucking, you know, the night before Mother's Day we're taking her out somewhere fucking nice. She's got all the jewels on, you know, blinged out everywhere, diamonds, the whole shit. My mom, when she wants to clean, you wants to put shit on. It's crazy, fucking crazy.
Speaker 1:So she goes to tell this story about how my dad, one of his friends, needed a plane ticket to Chicago I guess I was a kid and so my dad put it on the credit card and then the guy ran away and never paid him back. So she's kind of like embarrassing him there, you know, trying to like son him. I was like listen, I said I've made that mistake with tens of thousands of dollars, not just a fucking plane ticket, you know. And then I didn't want to. I was trying not to check her, but I was explaining to her. I said, hey, listen, look, I don't, I don't know the story, how he knew the guy or whatever, or some guy that he did business. I said, you know, I said that could happen to anybody. And she was like, no, but we were all the way up to here, like you know, up to their eyeballs in fucking bills every month. And then she's like he comes home at the end of the month with this credit card bill. Huh, like that.
Speaker 1:I was like, let me tell you something. I said I've made that mistake many, many, many times. I said, you know, and I asked my dad, I said how many times that guy get to jerk you around? He was like once. I was like, alright, so then now that guy loses because you jerk him around, just like you jerk me around. You jerk me around one time, maybe twice, twice would be a lot. But like, yeah, then you lose because then you got to go out there and find somebody, find another honest person to uh, to, you know, to do that with, to do business with, to be friends with, to pal around with, and that's not, uh, it's not easy to come by, that I know. So, um, and I was telling my mom, I said you know, I, um, I said you, you went every day for a paycheck. That's what you did. Sorry, I'm scratching my ass, ass, yeah, you went every day and you taught in the school for a paycheck.
Speaker 1:So you don't know what it's like to invest in relationships with people. You don't, because, no matter what, whether you loved everybody or hated everybody, you got the same fucking check. Now maybe you could make your time easier or not easier, depending upon your attitude but there was no investment from you aside from your time. Now, when you have a business my dad has a couple of them, you know, or a couple of things that he's involved with, I guess you could say a couple of businesses. He's an entrepreneur.
Speaker 1:You got to invest in these kinds of relationships and sometimes you got to put money out. Sometimes they, you know, whatever you got to take a risk, and one of the reasons why we're sitting in this fancy town restaurant and why you got fucking you know $60,000 necklace on is because of some of those risks that he took that you didn't take that. Yeah, you're slow and steady and whatever. I get it and there's value in that too, but, like you know, you don't know what it's like to be in those positions. So, and I've been there and I'm there now, I'm there, I'm there now, I'm there, I get there.
Speaker 1:Now, you know, I spend money on stuff, different things for my business, or you know my, you know the properties or whatever. And like what do you think it all works out? Like no, just the wins have to outweigh the losses the losses, I told my mom. I was like yo, like you, like, if you're trying to win, the losses are part of the thing. She's like oh, but you don't learn from your mistakes. That's what she's trying to say to my dad. And I was like no, you don't understand that you have to lose in order to win.
Speaker 1:The other, the opposite way, is to take no risk and to just be closed off from everybody, because you turned it into like, oh, you can't even trust family members anymore and all this other stuff. I'm like bro, you want to live like that, that's how you want to spend your time. Okay, I said, but you took no risk, a very, very small, small, calculated risk, and the reward is you get peace of mind. But you don't get to go to fucking Wimbledon and stay for 10 days and do all the other stuff, trips around Europe. You don't get to do that. You don't get to live that life by just doing meat and potatoes, you know, and I felt bad even saying that kind of stuff.
Speaker 1:But I felt bad for my dad man. He was here, he is, and she's like, yeah, I don't know, she's like I guess belittling him a little bit, and he talks to me about that sometimes Like yo man, your mom, you know I love her and she's the best, but she can be fucking nasty. I'm like dude, I don't. I've never seen her really be out of character. That was unwarranted to him because he's such a fucking prick. But I saw yesterday she was picking on him a little bit. I was like hey, leave him alone. You know, you know, whatever, I'm sure you know, I'm sure they'll, I'm sure they'll, they'll, that's.
Speaker 1:It's like, uh, archie and edith they break each other's balls, I guess I don't know. No, actually edith was like a pushover, but like george and wheezy, they break each other's fucking balls and all this other stuff. And it's not really part of my life. You know, like we make mistakes and sometimes we can just look at each other and say like we made this mistake and I'm sorry, and that's it. Like nobody whips on each other in my house for their mistakes.
Speaker 1:You know, I don't know if I could deal with that. You know I don't and I could deal with that. You know, I don't, and I'm grateful for that. I'm grateful that I don't have to deal with that for the moment. Who knows, you know, my wife still has this other shoe going to drop, kind of thing, where she's like, hey, listen, what if? What if you know we? You know she's like what if your feelings change and you end up wanting to leave or this or that or whatever? I was like what if your feelings change? Bitch, I said this is the best life I've ever had.
Speaker 1:I don't personally. I don't want anything else. I definitely I don't need anything else, but I don't want anything else. I live for them. You know, success for me is is creating days like this where I don't have to be there. I mean, I'm here and I'm doing work and whatever, but I don't have to be where they are. I can send them to go do something and not be involved other than I set the stage for them to have a beautiful weekend. And that's nice because when I get home, the stage is set for me to have a beautiful evening every. You know, 95% of the evenings Sorry, Took another sip 95% of the evenings it's set. I don't know what goes on before I get there, but I know, when I get there I got to do a little bit of dad stuff and then, bro, you know, I don't need a bigger house, I don't need, or whatever, I don't need any of this stuff. You know Everything. I'm very, very, very comfortable, you know, and it's nice, it's nice.
Speaker 1:And my wife she's a good mom, you know. I know, because she doesn't believe that she's a good mom and there's definitely things that she could do better and things that she could do different I shouldn't even say better, oh, different, different is better. I guess Different is different, I don't know. But, um, that's okay, you know, she's gonna be mother to three kids until we check out, and hopefully that won't be anytime soon, you know. But, um, yeah, man, I'm grateful for the.
Speaker 1:What did I say before? Like, um, you know, I made all the right mistakes in order to get here and she really, uh, you know, put me in my place for a long time. It's funny because she even said, like, when we were out to dinner, I took her out. Friday night we went to this restaurant Let me see if I can find it. It was so good, it was on 13th Avenue. It was on 13th Avenue, 13th Avenue, well, cavatappi, 13th Avenue, brooklyn, and 13th and 81st and it was really good. It was really good.
Speaker 1:But you know she doesn't let me get ahead of myself, because you know I always I told her, I said, listen, I think you actually have like a time perception problem when you think things happened two years ago and it's been already five years and she was just like you know, you know cause. Then you know, we were just talking, discussing pop and shit, I guess, about, like you know, some of this, the you know the cycles of uh, of falling in love and being in love, falling in love and being in love, and I was so happy that we've been on an upswing for a long time, a long time to me versus for her, I guess. But you know, it's not that it was bad, it's just that she don't have a program to let stuff go and get over stuff. So to me I've been having the time of my life forever, like you know, it's been really, really good for me and we've been together I think maybe 10 years or 11 years or something Like it was rough for the first couple of years, so maybe the first, yeah, I'd say four years, five years, four, maybe, maybe a little more, maybe four, yeah, maybe five, shit, she's right, because she was like yo, she's like when I was 40, it was still rough for me, you know, and I was like, all right, I said I've been, you know, I said I've been, you know I've been living in the grace and living in giving for so long that, like, I can tell you stories about ways that you know you want to call them mistakes that she made, or you know shit that I had to like really reach back, uh, to think about them, because I don't carry them where she still carries shit, because you know she's getting better on her own pace, which is why she has a different, she has a level of paranoia about, um, you know, marriages and this and that and people splitting up or whatever.
Speaker 1:That I don't have, and maybe it goes back to what my mama said is that I am just gullible, even to myself, apparently, that like I'm just like, hey, man, I can only be honest and true with myself and about how I think and how I feel in the moment, which means that like, hey, listen, man, you know you find a way to find yourself, make peace with yourself, with who you are. Try to be the best version of yourself for somebody else not even for you, of yourself for somebody else, not even for you. When you start living like that, you know it's, you know, but it takes time. You know I was. You know I was slave to. You know the indulgences my whole life. You know I was always like, yeah, why not? Why, why wouldn't I be this, why wouldn't I be a dick? Look at me, you know, and whatever.
Speaker 1:Even when I met her for the first few years, bro, I was totally not nice. There was like glimmers of maybe he's a. I could say maybe I was a good person, but I wasn't a nice person. But I don't know if you could be a good person and uh, and be not nice. You know, I don't know, and that's okay. And you know what? They can still blame me. You know my wife, my kids, they can still hold on and blame me. And if I'm still here, then apparently I'm okay. But their, you know, their life and their happiness is in their own hands.
Speaker 1:You know I was engaged for a long time before I got married. She, you know, yeah, it took me a long time for it. It took me long enough that I told her I'd given up. I was like, dude, guess what? You don't have to be my wife anymore, it's okay. And she was just like what? I was like, yeah, I said, it's all right, I'm cool, we can just be together. You don't have to, we don't have to go down the aisle. I don't have to go down the aisle, I don't have to throw this huge, motherfucking wedding for you. Uh, well, it's for the two of us, because I really enjoyed. I couldn't wait for my own wedding too. Um, but yeah, you know, and I think it was shortly after that that she started to become ready, and I really, because it bothered me, I was like I said I asked you to marry me like seven years ago or whatever it was. And you said, yes, I felt like I was the bitch, like yo, what the fuck is going on?
Speaker 1:Do you not want to be my wife? I felt rejected by that. Yeah, I just felt rejected. I was like, well then, you know, I did the work, you got to do the work, I did the work. Do you got to do the work? I did the work.
Speaker 1:I'm like dude, does she even have to actually be my wife, or can she just be here. It's better for her. She's my wife, because I fuck up and I'm like, oh peace, peace out, or whatever I do some fuck shit, or she wants to leave. She's not my wife. She leaves with zero. She leaves with the hope and prayer of my uh, not generosity my humanity. She leaves with the fact that I hope this guy is going to help me out, because I put a bunch of my life on hold to help him and I could just be like hey, bitch, you're naming on the paperwork, you can go kick rocks. So she didn't even marry me to protect herself. And that's how real my wife is. You know, that's how real my wife is. That is like she's honest. That's fucking crazy.
Speaker 1:Because, you know, I had to learn how to really be honest and I learned that with all of yous, and I learned that in AA and with therapy and with God man. I learned how to be honest with God. You know, honesty just feels. It doesn't always feel good, but it feels right. And that's the path that I walk. You know what I mean. It don't always feel good, but it feels right. So that's that, yeah, what I mean. It don't always feel good, but it feels right. So that's, that's that, yeah, so happy Mother's Day to everybody. Yeah, we're gonna tap out. What time is it? It's oh, it's almost four o'clock. I gotta go feed my cats. I love my cats. I'm a bro. I love my cats. I love my cats. I'm a bro. I love my cats in ways more than my fucking kids. I love them and they've been home all day dolo. I left treats and all that shit for them. But I'll go home just to fuck with them before I head out tonight, because I gotta go speak at a meeting at the Dyka Heights group, step five. So I'm gonna crush them on that. Because I'm the g um, the sober experience.
Speaker 1:Like and subscribe all podcast platform. I don't even want to say like, I don't need you. Likes don't really mean anything, but you can share our show, uh, yeah, with your people and, uh, subscribe, subscribe to our youtube channel, subscribe, uh, so you can get the downloads, whatever. I don't know. I think we're up to almost like um, where are we? I'll tell you the, the numbers, the numbers, because this is our numbers, this is our show, not just mine, not just mine. All right, hang on, pull up the Buzzsprout app. Come on, boy Stats. I don't know, maybe God doesn't want me to. Oh, here we go, stats. Yeah, I can't even pull it up. Oh, here we go, all time, all time. 7,854 downloads. Yeah, pretty good, pretty motherfucking good. Yeah, so that you know I share that.
Speaker 1:I share that success with everybody who would have fucking thunk, you know, speaking into the ether helping people. There's a few people, you know. I mean. There's people who say I help them get sober, which is nice. Yeah, I mean there's people that say I help them get sober, which is nice, you know, that's worth it on its own, and plus me sitting here once a week talking out and thinking out my situations and my issues. I asked my wife the other day. We were in the car. I asked her if the kids listen to the show and she was like no, I don't even think she listens either, which is nice, and I think she does it on purpose, so that way she don't give me no fucking notes About like, don't say this, say this Ba ba ba, you're being fucking. You know Too what's it Toxic Masculinity, whatever. Too much of myself, but she loves me, you know. Anyway, alright, guys, I'll see you on the flip side.